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Beyond Blind Submission: Building a True Partnership

Beyond Blind Submission: Building a True Partnership

Last updated on: June 17, 2026 at 8:28 pm by Benjamin Raven Pressley

Beyond Blind Submission: Building a True Partnership 2026-06-17T20:28:22-04:00 Benjamin Raven Pressley

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I have heard it said all my church life. That the wife is to submit unquestioningly to her husband. In the case of the controlling husband, the ‘power’ they usually wield over the wife is ‘submission of wives to husbands’. There is an entire mainline denomination that recently reaffirmed this position. I spent many years struggling with this myself. After all, Ephesians 5:22 and Colossians 3:18 say just that. This is a subject I never would have tackled in the past. Thank God I have peace and clarity about it now and hope I can bring unity and understanding to the Body of Christ on this volatile subject. Now let’s look at these scriptures in context. Context, to me, means looking at the whole subject, which includes not only considering all accompanying scriptures and other scriptures on the subject, but also the character of God and what He has told us about Himself.

First, let’s read Colossians 3:17-24. While you are reading this passage, especially you men, don’t just focus just on that scripture about wives submitting to husbands. This passage describes relationships husband to wife, wife to husband, children and parents, and even servants.

17 And whatsoever ye do in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God and the Father by him.
18 Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as it is fit in the Lord.
19 Husbands, love your wives, and be not bitter against them.
20 Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord.
21 Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.
22 Servants, obey in all things your masters according to the flesh; not with eyeservice, as menpleasers; but in singleness of heart, fearing God;
23 And whatsoever ye do, do it heartily, as to the Lord, and not unto men;
24 Knowing that of the Lord ye shall receive the reward of the inheritance: for ye serve the Lord Christ.

Now read Ephesians 5:21-33. Again, do not just focus exclusively on wives submitting to husbands. Take a broader look at how these scriptures are trying to describe a bigger picture, a picture of us all submitting to one another.

21 Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God.
22 Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.
23 For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body.
24 Therefore, as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything.
25 Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;
26 That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word,
27 That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish.
28 So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself.
29 For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church:
30 For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones.
31 For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh.
32 This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church.
33 Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverences her husband.

Submitting to one another is about serving one another, not who’s the boss.

Submit to One Another

Verse 21 starts out telling us to submit to one another. All of these passages point us to look at a bigger picture, a larger goal, namely, that Christ “might present to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish.” (Ephesians 5:27). As self-centered human beings, we tend to make it all about us and our comfort and our needs. Well, it isn’t about us. It is always about Jesus. He is always at the center of everything. It is about us being in unity like a body (John 17). Submitting, the way many people translate this passage is kind of like commanding someone to love them. Love can’t be commanded or forced. Even when Jesus said if we love Him, we will keep His commandments (John 14:15). He wasn’t commanding us to love Him. You can’t command someone to love you. That wouldn’t be love at all. He is speaking of an order, more like when we are in a relationship with Him and in love with Him, it will come naturally for us to keep His commandments. Same with wives submitting to husbands, it isn’t a command it is saying if wives are in a loving relationship with God and their husbands, there will be an order to things, they will want to submit to husbands, in other words, your desire will be to serve one another. It will be natural to want to give to one another. Look at Ephesians 5:21-33 in context. Paul spends a lot of time in this passage putting things in order mostly explaining what relationship looks like and spends a lot of time talking to husbands so they know that submission does not mean they rule over their wives and wives should not blindly obey. We should be servants to one another. What we do we do as unto the Lord, not our wife or husband. Remember Colossians 3:23, “And whatsoever ye do, do it heartily, as to the Lord, and not unto men.” When you serve one another, you should be doing it as unto the Lord. When you serve your wife or husband, you are doing it unto the Lord, not unto them. When you trip over those shoes in the middle of the floor, you are tripping over God’s shoes. Love one another. Serve one another. If spouses would spend more time serving one another instead of arguing about who is in charge, they would be much happier and both sides’ needs would be met. Husbands, love your wife as your own body and your wife will want to serve you and give you the respect you want if you are doing it as unto the Lord and not just to get what you want. Wives, the same. “Let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverences her husband.” (Ephesians 5:33). Is this making sense? I know it challenges much of your traditional thinking. Let it go. Do things God’s way and things will work as they should. If men and women were living this way, there would never have been a feminist uprising. It isn’t too late if you both will just see the truth in what I am saying and agree to do things God’s way. I’m telling you from experience. My wife and I live this way and we are both satisfied with our relationship. We love, respect and serve one another with all our hearts and can’t wait till we see one another again.

Keep this in mind when considering marrying someone and as you read forward from here: MARRIAGE IS A PARTNERSHIP

CHOOSING THE RIGHT MATE

There are two sides to marriage. Briefly stated, there is the love side where all the pleasure and good feelings come in. And there is the business side. What kind of business partner will your spouse be?

Both sides are important! I have seen so many marriages get all gummed up in the love part and let their emotions rule their decision-making process. Love can be very intoxicating. It takes an effort and a smart person to step back and look at a relationship objectively and to be willing to see the possibly darker side of a person. Dating is usually not the best time to evaluate a person. When you are dating, you are probably seeing the other person’s best side that they are putting on so that they may win you, as some animals put on a colorful mating dance. Most of the time, it isn’t a premeditated attempt to deceive you but a genuine intoxication that brings out the best side of a person, or at very least, they find you worthwhile enough not to show you their bad side. Suffice it to say, you will need to look deeper than the mating dance to get to know the real person.

What are some ways you can do this?

These days it isn’t out of line to do a background check.
It used to be required by law that you both got physicals or, at very least, blood tests. Blood tests can reveal whether you are related, if there is a risky blood type that could affect having children later and if the person is infected with a sexually transmitted disease. It is something to think about, especially if the person was promiscuous or ever had unprotected sex with someone else. If you approach it as a mutual agreement and you both have blood tests, it should be considered a loving and open thing to do. If one or the other of you is very upset by the notion and refuses to do it, they may be hiding something that could affect you later.
If they have been divorced, see what you can find out about why and under what circumstances they were divorced. I am in no way saying count them out because they are divorced. In some cases, a person who is divorced can be a better choice because they have learned their lesson and are ready to commit to a better relationship. There is also a chance that they will bring their baggage from an old relationship into their new relationship with you, which is not good.
Are they a flirt? Have they been unfaithful in previous relationships? If you don’t look at this realistically, you may consider them just a sexy person and be attracted to this side of them. Don’t be fooled.
What is their mental state? Are they worriers? Are they neurotic? Are they depressed? If they are, how bad is it? You are going to have to live with this person and it will affect you and may even endanger you and your children.
What about their physical health? I am going to tread lightly here because I know of couples who married knowing the one they were married to was crippled or would not live long and had a very rich relationship that was short but unforgettable. What you need to consider here, though, is whether you are willing and able to handle all this person’s limitations and illnesses. Can you handle it when they become invalids or die?
How are they with their money management? Do they even have a job or source of income you can depend on them bringing to the table? Remember, this is a partnership; there can’t be any ‘this is my money’ dynamic. You have to be willing to share everything with one another.
Is one of you going to school or have a career? Are one of you in the military? Are one of you an entrepreneur that is holding onto that dream but honestly isn’t making that much money? None of these things is bad, but they can put more on the other partner. Are you both agreed that the other partner can handle this? Are you sure they want to handle this? Could be that in the long run, the other partner’s pursuit will be worthwhile for both of you if you support one another. Just consider what you are getting into and make sure that is what you truly want.
Get advice. Listen to someone and consider what they are saying, even if it does just sound like something negative you don’t want to hear. Evaluate and decide for yourself.
Don’t marry a fixer-upper. Take those concerns that come to your mind seriously, they may be warning you of danger. You should never enter into a relationship thinking you can fix the other person.
And finally, pray about it. God will direct this most important decision in your life if you allow him too. Seriously pray. If you feel a ‘check in your spirit’ as some call it, listen and reconsider what you are about to get into. If you choose to break it off, it is better to do it now than somewhere down the road, divorced and a couple of children later.

Considering the listed points when choosing a mate might save you a lot of trouble later.

Value Yourself

Believe in yourself. Know your own value and never sell out; no one is worth that. Nurture good friendships. Friendship is the most important foundation of any deeper committed relationship. You will know when the right one comes along at the right time. The right one will build you up. They will be a giver and not a taker. Love is never performance-based. Love is selfless. Lust is selfish. Never give yourself to someone because you think you NEED them or they need you. Build a life where you need NO ONE, then when the right person comes along, it will be a powerful partnership. Two people who don’t NEED one another but recognize they are better together than apart.

I know this doesn’t sound very romantic, but it is truthful and will keep you from a lifetime of pain. Guard yourself and you will enjoy your marriage on a deeper, romantic level than you ever dreamed possible.

https://wp-media.patheos.com/blogs/sites/2216/2026/06/Choosing-the-Right-Mate.mp3

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About Benjamin Raven Pressley

Benjamin Raven Pressley is an author, teacher and spiritual guide. He is of Cherokee heritage. He has been a follower of the teachings of Jesus Christ and the apostles since 1975. His independent studies include the Holy Bible as well as other holy books of other religions. He is ordained by the Universal Life Church. He is a self-taught naturalist and his love and respect for nature is evident in many of the things he writes. He has authored several books on spirituality as well as a fantasy series and books on survival skills. He does not consider himself to be a religious person but believes true spirituality is an all-encompassing view of life and invites open discussion on matters of spirituality. You can read more about the author here.

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