Buddhist Catholic Contemplative Evangelical General Christian Hindu Jewish Latter-day Saint Muslim New Visions Progressive Christian

Beliefs

Topics

Columnists

Resource Library

Research Tools

Video

Podcasts

Thought Readers

Faith In Media Tracker

Newsletters

Ad-Free & Subscriber Log-In Subscription Support

Follow Patheos

Home
Evangelical
Comforting Grieving People and Encouraging Them to Hold on to Solid Truth

Comforting Grieving People and Encouraging Them to Hold on to Solid Truth

Last updated on: June 15, 2023 at 8:32 am by Randy Alcorn

0 Comments

Comforting Grieving People and Encouraging Them to Hold on to Solid Truth 2023-05-08T13:41:21-08:00 Randy Alcorn

LOGO Patheos Explore the world's faith through different perspectives on religion and spirituality! Patheos has the views of the prevalent religions and spiritualities of the world.

Nancy Guthrie’s disabled daughter, Hope, died after living through 199 days of seizures and other complications from Zellweger syndrome, a rare and fatal genetic abnormality. Nancy writes in her book Holding on to Hope,

The day after we buried Hope, my husband said to me, “You know, I think we expected our faith to make this hurt less, but it doesn’t. Our faith gave us an incredible amount of strength and encouragement while we had Hope, and we are comforted by the knowledge that she is in heaven. Our faith keeps us from being swallowed by despair. But I don’t think it makes our loss hurt any less.”

Their pain didn’t decrease because they believed; rather, their faith kept their pain from incapacitating them. When I interviewed David and Nancy Guthrie for my book If God Is Good, they said God stood with them in their pain, but God did not remove their pain. Those separated in death from their loved ones don’t want the pain to go away entirely, because if it did, it would minimize the importance of their relationship. Nancy says,

It is only natural that people around me often ask searchingly, “How are you?” And for much of the first year after Hope’s death, my answer was, “I’m deeply and profoundly sad.” I’ve been blessed with many people who have been willing to share my sorrow, to just be sad with me. Others, however, seem to want to rush me through my sadness. They want to fix me. But I lost someone I loved dearly, and I’m sad.

Nancy was in the final stages of writing Holding on to Hope when she found out she was pregnant with another baby, who was also born with Zellweger syndrome. That child, Gabriel, lived for six months.

David, after the deaths of two of his children, said, “We found our suffering has taught us life isn’t easy, and it has toughened us for the next battle. We don’t want our greatest spiritual landmarks to be behind us. Following Christ comes with struggle, not ease.”

David also told me, “I spent my life waiting for the other shoe to drop. The shoe has dropped. I had thought I was invulnerable. Now I know better. I thought, ‘Our child has died. How much worse can it get?’ There’s less to fear. God will be enough for us. Now we say it out of experience.”

Nancy has written many books over the years, including What Grieving People Wish You Knew about What Really Helps (and What Really Hurts), which one of our staff read and recommended to me. I always love Nancy’s writings, but this book is just really good. Here are some quotes from it:

“Sometimes when we’re talking with someone who is grieving, we are so desperate to provide comfort, we’re willing to say things we think she wants to hear that aren’t necessarily true. But as much as we want to provide comfort in the moment, we need to remember that anything we say that is not ultimately true will ultimately disappoint. While we don’t have to say everything we deem to be true, we do want to refrain from compromising, twisting, or abandoning the truth found in the Scriptures regarding life beyond this life in the presence of God. We don’t want to gut the gospel in order to give comfort in the moment.” (p. 131)

“While tears can be awkward for everyone, tears are really such a gift. Tears have a way of washing away or carrying away the toxicity of the pain of the grief. …When someone cries in your presence, don’t be afraid that you made her cry. You don’t have to apologize. You did not make her cry; you simply brought to the surface what was there anyway and needed to be released.” (p. 35)

“Grief is like a lens or veil through which those going through it see and experience everything. It’s like a computer program running in the background at all times. When we speak to a grieving person about the one who died, and they begin to weep, it’s not that we ‘made them cry.’ Rather, we’ve acknowledged what was beneath the surface and given them an opportunity to release some of that sadness that was already there.” (p. 85)

“As we interact with grieving people, we want to encourage them to take hold of what God has seen fit to tell us in the Scriptures about life in his presence after death and to ask him for the grace to let that be enough for now.” (p. 146)

“So much of what other people say and what grieving people are tempted to grab hold of in the face of death is mere sentimentality or strange spirituality. Instead of taking hold of these things, we want to encourage grieving people to rely fully on the Scriptures and let the rock-solid truth revealed there be the ground underneath our unsteady feet and the anchor for our hopes.” (p. 146)

“We don’t want to use the truth of heaven in a way that seems to dismiss sorrow. But we do want to have our attitudes and responses to grieving people shaped by this profound reality. So rather than ‘He’s in a better place,’ you can assure those grieving a loved one, who knew Christ, this way: ‘This one you love is being comforted by the environment of heaven, by the inhabitants of heaven, by the beauty of heaven, and by the king of heaven [Luke 16:25]. He or she is completely comfortable, completely satisfied, completely at rest in a place that is far better. I know it doesn’t feel better to you that he is there, but I’m praying that the Holy Spirit will comfort you with a growing sense of the joy he is experiencing there and the anticipation of one day sharing it with him.’” (p. 136)

Photo by Kampus Production

Previous Post

June 12, 2023

Giving from the Heart Really Matters

Next Post

June 19, 2023 How Should We Understand Moral Failings in the Church and Prevent Future Ones?

Recent Comments

0 | Leave a Comment

"The biblical references and examples make the message easy to follow, while the focus on ..."

harry085drop

Being with God Is the Heart ..."

"As we do good works (no matter how small), and struggle to live holy lives ..."

Tom Hering

How Can We Be Ready to ..."

"Katy Faust's "articles" are junk science at best."

Roger J.

Every Child Is Known and Loved ..."

"People can feed their thoughts or a few notes into AI and be delighted with ..."

rrhersh

AI, Ghostwriting, and the Ethics of ..."

Browse Our Archives

Select a Category About Me Animals Books Books and Resources Christ Christian Life Christians Past and Present Church Creation Culture and Worldview Doctrine and Theology Eternal Perspective Ministries Fun Grace and Truth Grief Happiness Heaven Marriage and Family Missions Money and Giving Persecuted Church Politics Prayer Prolife Salvation Sexual Purity Sovereignty and Free Will Suffering and Evil Uncategorized Writing

Select a Month October 2026 September 2026 August 2026 July 2026 June 2026 May 2026 April 2026 March 2026 February 2026 January 2026 December 2025 November 2025 October 2025 September 2025 August 2025 July 2025 June 2025 May 2025 April 2025 March 2025 February 2025 January 2025 December 2024 November 2024 October 2024 September 2024 August 2024 July 2024 June 2024 May 2024 April 2024 March 2024 February 2024 January 2024 December 2023 November 2023 October 2023 September 2023 August 2023 July 2023 June 2023 May 2023 April 2023 March 2023 February 2023 January 2023 December 2022 November 2022 October 2022 September 2022 August 2022 July 2022 June 2022 May 2022 April 2022 March 2022 February 2022 January 2022 December 2021 November 2021 October 2021 September 2021 August 2021 July 2021 June 2021 May 2021 April 2021 March 2021 February 2021 January 2021 December 2020 November 2020 October 2020 September 2020 August 2020 July 2020 June 2020 May 2020 April 2020 March 2020 February 2020 January 2020 December 2019 November 2019 October 2019 September 2019 August 2019 July 2019 June 2019 May 2019 April 2019 March 2019 February 2019 January 2019 December 2018 October 2018 September 2018 August 2018 July 2018 June 2018 May 2018 April 2018 March 2018 February 2018 January 2018 December 2017 November 2017 October 2017 September 2017 August 2017 July 2017 June 2017 May 2017 April 2017 March 2017 February 2017 January 2017 December 2016 November 2016 October 2016 September 2016 August 2016 July 2016 June 2016 May 2016 April 2016 March 2016 February 2016 January 2016

TAKE THE

Religious Wisdom Quiz