Buddhist Catholic Contemplative Evangelical General Christian Hindu Jewish Latter-day Saint Muslim New Visions Progressive Christian

Beliefs

Topics

Columnists

Resource Library

Research Tools

Video

Podcasts

Thought Readers

Faith In Media Tracker

Newsletters

Ad-Free & Subscriber Log-In Subscription Support

Follow Patheos

Home
Evangelical
When It Comes to Parenting Your Teenage Children, No One Can Take Your Place

When It Comes to Parenting Your Teenage Children, No One Can Take Your Place

Last updated on: August 8, 2020 at 8:30 am by Randy Alcorn

When It Comes to Parenting Your Teenage Children, No One Can Take Your Place 2020-07-22T10:31:35-08:00 Randy Alcorn

LOGO Patheos Explore the world's faith through different perspectives on religion and spirituality! Patheos has the views of the prevalent religions and spiritualities of the world.

If we don’t think strategically about parenting, then we’ve made a statement: our children aren’t important, or parenting comes so naturally that it happens without our attention. My advice is to get more involved in your teenagers’ lives, and be more alert to youth culture. Understanding that culture allows you to recognize the temptations, challenges, and opportunities your children face.

Too often youth pastors get the blame for students whose parents expect the church to “fix” their kids. Unfortunately, speaking as both a parent and a former youth pastor, it isn’t that easy. The church can and should be a source of guidance and support for parents. But no youth group is a substitute for attentive, hands-on parenting. (Not to mention on-your-knees parenting.)

The choices your children make when it comes to friends are critically important.

As I look back on our daughters’ teenage years, their solid friendships with committed Christians—most of them in our church youth group—were absolutely crucial. As parents we took primary responsibility for input to their lives. Still, there is no way to overestimate the importance of their peer influences.

Your child’s closest friends will greatly influence their values, attitudes, and behaviors. I know young people who love Jesus and have chosen their friends wisely. Their friends have raised the bar for each other, challenging them to jump higher in the areas of following Christ and maintaining purity. I also know young people who have made poor choices and have experienced terrible consequences, some that will affect them the rest of their lives.

Parents also need to understand the balance of truth and grace.

Regarding truth, if we as parents don’t teach our kids to discern between good and evil, who will? The church needs to be there not only to train and guide children, but also to equip parents. But parents shouldn’t wait for the church to teach their children. As Deuteronomy 6 makes clear, a child’s primary education is inside their home.

Regarding grace, if parents aren’t loving and forgiving, then our children won’t see Jesus in us. And our well-intentioned rules will drive them away from God, not toward Him. Our kids need us to not only raise the bar high for them—and make no mistake, they do need that—but also to believe the best of them, being quick to affirm and offer grace when they stumble. This will help them not to give up because they think they can’t please us, and therefore can’t please God.

A home full of grace is also full of truth because grace doesn’t make people less holy; it makes them more holy. Grace doesn’t make people despise or neglect truth; it makes them love and follow truth. Far from a free pass to sin, grace is a supernatural empowerment not to sin (Titus 2:11–12).

May your children see in you the Jesus who came “full of grace and truth” (John 1:14).

Leave your children a lasting spiritual legacy.

Parents, if I could give you one piece of advice, it would be this: When it comes to your children’s lives, no one can take your place. So, don’t wait for someone else to talk to your kids about Jesus. Do it yourself. Read Scripture with them. Memorize it together. Pray with them. Go help the needy together. Give together and serve together. Show them what it means to be a disciple.

It only takes money to leave an inheritance. It takes character and spiritual vitality, “a long obedience in the same direction,” to leave a true heritage.

What will your kids remember?

Dad was too busy to help me, too busy to talk with Mom, too busy to volunteer for even the most basic ministry at church, so busy reading the news or playing on his phone that there was no time for the Bible, so busy buying new cars there was no money to give to missions? If that’s true, my friend, no amount of money you leave can cover up the fact that you have left your family nothing of eternal value.

My mother left me no money, but she left me a heritage that I thank God for every day. She didn’t even come to Christ until after I did. In everything of value I do, in everything of value my daughters do, the quality of my mother’s life is and will always be present. That is heritage.

“We will tell the next generation the praiseworthy deeds of the LORD, his power, and the wonders he has done” (Psalm 78:4).

For more on the balance of grace and truth, see Randy’s book The Grace and Truth Paradox, and his devotionals Grace and Truth.

Photo by Eye for Ebony on Unsplash

Previous Post

August 6, 2020

Planned Parenthood Finally Admits Founder Margaret Sanger’s Racism, But Will They Change What They Do?

Next Post

August 10, 2020 Would a Loving God Purposely Wound Us Through Trials?

Browse Our Archives

Select a Category About Me Animals Books Books and Resources Christ Christian Life Christians Past and Present Church Creation Culture and Worldview Doctrine and Theology Eternal Perspective Ministries Fun Grace and Truth Grief Happiness Heaven Marriage and Family Missions Money and Giving Persecuted Church Politics Prayer Prolife Salvation Sexual Purity Sovereignty and Free Will Suffering and Evil Uncategorized Writing

Select a Month October 2026 September 2026 August 2026 July 2026 June 2026 May 2026 April 2026 March 2026 February 2026 January 2026 December 2025 November 2025 October 2025 September 2025 August 2025 July 2025 June 2025 May 2025 April 2025 March 2025 February 2025 January 2025 December 2024 November 2024 October 2024 September 2024 August 2024 July 2024 June 2024 May 2024 April 2024 March 2024 February 2024 January 2024 December 2023 November 2023 October 2023 September 2023 August 2023 July 2023 June 2023 May 2023 April 2023 March 2023 February 2023 January 2023 December 2022 November 2022 October 2022 September 2022 August 2022 July 2022 June 2022 May 2022 April 2022 March 2022 February 2022 January 2022 December 2021 November 2021 October 2021 September 2021 August 2021 July 2021 June 2021 May 2021 April 2021 March 2021 February 2021 January 2021 December 2020 November 2020 October 2020 September 2020 August 2020 July 2020 June 2020 May 2020 April 2020 March 2020 February 2020 January 2020 December 2019 November 2019 October 2019 September 2019 August 2019 July 2019 June 2019 May 2019 April 2019 March 2019 February 2019 January 2019 December 2018 October 2018 September 2018 August 2018 July 2018 June 2018 May 2018 April 2018 March 2018 February 2018 January 2018 December 2017 November 2017 October 2017 September 2017 August 2017 July 2017 June 2017 May 2017 April 2017 March 2017 February 2017 January 2017 December 2016 November 2016 October 2016 September 2016 August 2016 July 2016 June 2016 May 2016 April 2016 March 2016 February 2016 January 2016

TAKE THE

Religious Wisdom Quiz