The PG Bible

Last updated on: October 22, 2015 at 5:07 pm by D. G. Hart

The PG Bible 2015-10-22T17:07:37-04:00 D. G. Hart

LOGO Patheos Explore the world's faith through different perspectives on religion and spirituality! Patheos has the views of the prevalent religions and spiritualities of the world.

Most Americans are familiar with Thomas Jefferson’s edition of the Bible, the one in which he cut out the objectionable parts. H.L. Mencken proposed his own version of the Bible, an expurgated one. Here‘s a sample:

As the Bible would have to be edited if it were printed as a serial in The Sun:

For a fire is kindled to mine anger, and shall burn unto the lowest h–l.—Deuteronomy, xxxii, 22.

He that believeth and is baptized shall be saved; but he that belteveth not shall be d——d.–Mark, xvi, 16.

Which devour widows’ houses, and for a show make long prayers: the same shall receive greater d—nation.–Luke, xx, 47.

How is the faithful city become an inmate of a disorderly house.—Isaiah, i, 21.

And said, I cried by reason of mine affliction unto the Lord, and he heard me: out of the internal organs of h——l cried I, and thou heardest my voice.—Jonah, ii, 2.

Ye serpents, ye generation of vipers, how can ye escape the d——nation of h——l?—Matthew, xxiii, 33.

And there was a certain disciple at D—ascus.—Acts, ix, 10.

The righteous eateth to the satisfying of his soul, but the abdomen of the wicked shall want.—Proverbs, xiii, 25.

My vermiform appendix, my vermiform appendix! I am pained at my very heart!–Jeremiah, iv, 19.

Mine eyes do fail with tears, I suffer from a slight internal complaint.—Lamentations, ii, 11.

And the sea gave up the dead which were in it; and death and h——l delivered up the dead which were in them.–Revelation, xx, 13.

Apparently the Sunpapers had a ban on harlots:

How is the faithful city become an harlot! it was full of judgment; righteousness lodged in it; but now murderers. Is i, 21

On bellies:

The righteous eateth to the satisfying of his soul: but the belly of the wicked shall want. Prov. xiii, 25

On bowels:

My bowels, my bowels! I am pained at my very heart; my heart maketh a noise in me; I cannot hold my peace, because thou hast heard, O my soul, the sound of the trumpet, the alarm of war. Jer 4, 19

Mine eyes do fail with tears, my bowels are troubled, Lam ii, 11

So much for putting the Bible back in public schools.

Image by Charles Wilson Peale

Bible in American Life

Previous Post

October 19, 2015

What if Church Establishment Is Only a Principle?

Next Post

October 23, 2015 Would N.T. Wright be Popular If People Knew His Politics?

Browse Our Archives

Select a Category 2016 Presidential Election 2020 Presidential Election Apocalypse Bible in American Life Biblical authority Books and culture Calvinism Church Life Civil Religion Culture Wars Doctrine evangelicalism Gullibility Heaven and Hell Intellectual life Jesus Ministry modernity moralism Nationalism New Testament Old Testament Otherworldiness Otherworldliness Paul Peter Piety Popular culture Protestantism Psalms Puritans Race Roman Catholicism sacred/secular distinction Sex Shameless Self Promotion Sports Ten Commandments U.S. politics Uncategorized vulgarity worship

Select a Month January 2022 October 2021 August 2021 June 2021 May 2021 April 2021 March 2021 February 2021 January 2021 December 2020 November 2020 October 2020 September 2020 August 2020 July 2020 June 2020 May 2020 April 2020 March 2020 February 2020 January 2020 December 2019 November 2019 October 2019 September 2019 August 2019 July 2019 June 2019 May 2019 April 2019 March 2019 February 2019 January 2019 December 2018 November 2018 October 2018 September 2018 August 2018 July 2018 June 2018 May 2018 April 2018 March 2018 February 2018 January 2018 December 2017 November 2017 October 2017 September 2017 August 2017 July 2017 June 2017 May 2017 April 2017 March 2017 February 2017 January 2017 December 2016 November 2016 October 2016 September 2016 August 2016 July 2016 June 2016 May 2016 April 2016 March 2016 February 2016 January 2016 December 2015 November 2015 October 2015 September 2015 August 2015 July 2015 June 2015 May 2015 April 2015 March 2015 February 2015 January 2015

TAKE THE

Religious Wisdom Quiz