7 Takes to Snowplow Parenting

Last updated on: March 22, 2019 at 9:22 am by Anne Kennedy

7 Takes to Snowplow Parenting 2019-03-22T09:22:15-04:00 Anne Kennedy

LOGO Patheos Explore the world's faith through different perspectives on religion and spirituality! Patheos has the views of the prevalent religions and spiritualities of the world.

Friday, there you are with your gray snow mixed with rain.
One
I just wasted an hour reading about snowplow parenting, a curious expression for me, seeing, as I do, the plows moving up and down the road all day long but never quite in the places I wish they would go.

Two
To some degree, the plowing method of parenting seems like it would be exactly right. Push them along. Get them going. Come along. Get in the car. Get out of the car. Come on. Get going. I say things Iike that all day long. Which makes me feel more militaristic than snow removing.

Three
The expression, though, seems to be about removing the debris of life out of the way of the child. You’re not pushing the child (that’s another kind of parenting) so much as sweeping them along in the wake of your force field. (Please don’t analyze all my science-y words here.) It is an instinct I totally identify with—I’ll just do it myself. “Here, let me,” hovers over my lips all day long. Indeed, I said it last night as a child was balancing precariously on a stool in front of the stove waving a pot and a can of hot chocolate mix in the air like a standard rallying the troops for war. I also said, “Get off the stool. That’s not how to do it.” Then I said, “We can’t do it yet because the kitchen’s not clean. Clean the kitchen first, then I will make the hot chocolate.” She was crestfallen. All she she wanted was a little warm cup of cocoa and here her mother was ruining everything by pointing to the vile mess of a whole day’s worth of dishes that nobody whose job it was bothered to do. I felt bad and washed a couple of pots. An hour later, in a clean kitchen, I made the hot chocolate. I also poured a little into my teacup and added a splash of whiskey, because, my goodness, watching a bunch of children badly clean a kitchen is so much the worst.

Four
Seriously, you have to shove them along. They will never do it on their own. Never. What child, faced with a seriously unpleasant task, like a trashed kitchen, or a trashed bedroom, or a yard full of nerf bullets mixed with winter worn dog poop, or a year of math, or a boring thousand page novel, or sixteen baskets of laundry to fold, ever dances up and says, “Oh fun, I’ll get right on it!” You have to get behind, however gently, and shove. “Keep going!” You say over and over and over when they think maybe they will stop trying and have a lie down.

Five
For me, the parenting task is about bringing the child along into a world where it is comfortable and ordinary to do difficult things. Every day, as a human person, I have to get out of bed one way or another. I ought to read the Bible. I ought to take some exercise. I need to eat food throughout the day. I must also clean the implements by which I consume that food. I must study and do work. There is also dirt on the floor, borne in by my miry shoes, so that I must pick up a broom and sweep the floor. My clothes, having had tomato sauce splattered all over, must be washed and folded and put away so that they can be stained again. And over all this I must also have relationships with other human people and do those myriad tasks that obligation and charity demand. All these various works should not be So Much The Worst. They should not be impossible for me to contemplate (though they often are). If I have done a good job as a mother, my children will be able to do all these works without falling to bits emotionally.

Six
They might even, with a lot of patience, discover that they are enjoyable tasks, that they tether the ethereal spirit to the ground, that they mitigate against frustration and rage. The hot soapy water of a sink full of dishes is a fine way to bite back the frustration of failing a Latin quiz. Running up and down the stairs putting stacks of clean folded laundry away is a reasonable way to blow off the bitterness of not understanding a complicated math problem. Vigorously and angrily sweeping the kitchen is a good way to stop screaming and think for a minute about why you—or maybe I mean I—am so disappointed for no discernible reason. More so, coming to the end of a long day and sitting down at the kitchen counter to eat some delicious pickles and realize that all the effort and toil was not for nothing, and seeing, for true, that there are more chances to try again tomorrow, mitigates against despair.

So far, at least to some degree, I’m not failing. I often walk into the kitchen and find a large “child” sitting in front of a beautifully cooked egg on toast, reading a book, a cup of coffee or tea in the hand. When I ask what’s up, I am treated to litanys such as, “I woke up at 6 and finished my classics and made my bed and took a shower and in twenty minutes I will be in class.”

But then also, the child sitting next to that one I can see is wearing a three day old shirt and eating something that looks like pure sugar from an ugly gray plastic bowl. “What are you suppose to be doing?” I ask. “Um,” says the child, “I can’t remember.” So then we have to walk back through, together, All The Things that encompass a well-ordered work day.

Seven
The only way to push the plow is to mix a steadfast refusal to do for another what you know he can do for himself, with a showing how to do a task over and over and over again without rancor, with occasionally just doing it yourself because you can’t deal anymore and it is a better choice than yelling, and then finally standing back to see what the Holy Spirit is doing. If, at the end of the next decade, I have six adult people occasionally coming to visit me who aren’t starving to death and slovenly and who are functioning according to the quirks of their own natures, I will thank God that I survived. Beyond that, everything else is whiskey in the hot chocolate.

Go check out more takes!

Previous Post

March 21, 2019

Books Aren’t Dead: A Walk Through B&N

Next Post

March 25, 2019 Monday on the Socialist Podcast and Links

Browse Our Archives

Select a Category books Catechesis of the Good Shepherd Children in Conversation culture watch Daily Devotions Demotivations with Anne faith alone for the grandparents GAFCON In conversation with children In the News Kitchen Notes Lambeth Learning Notes Life Going On Men are Human Notes from Home Pictures Reading the Bible Saturday Links Sermons Signs of the Apocalypse The Bad Word Association The Prayer of Jonah Travel Notes Uncategorized Witless Wednesdays Work and the Christian

Select a Month June 2024 May 2024 April 2024 March 2024 February 2024 January 2024 November 2023 October 2023 September 2023 August 2023 July 2023 June 2023 May 2023 April 2023 March 2023 February 2023 January 2023 December 2022 November 2022 October 2022 September 2022 July 2022 May 2022 April 2022 March 2022 February 2022 January 2022 December 2021 November 2021 October 2021 September 2021 August 2021 July 2021 June 2021 May 2021 April 2021 March 2021 February 2021 January 2021 December 2020 November 2020 October 2020 September 2020 August 2020 July 2020 June 2020 May 2020 April 2020 March 2020 February 2020 January 2020 December 2019 November 2019 October 2019 September 2019 August 2019 July 2019 June 2019 May 2019 April 2019 March 2019 February 2019 January 2019 December 2018 November 2018 October 2018 September 2018 August 2018 July 2018 June 2018 May 2018 April 2018 March 2018 February 2018 January 2018 December 2017 November 2017 October 2017 September 2017 August 2017 July 2017 June 2017 May 2017 April 2017 March 2017 February 2017 January 2017 December 2016 November 2016 October 2016 September 2016 August 2016 July 2016 June 2016 May 2016 April 2016 March 2016 February 2016 January 2016 December 2015 November 2015 October 2015 September 2015 August 2015 July 2015 June 2015 May 2015 April 2015 March 2015 February 2015 January 2015 December 2014 November 2014 October 2014 September 2014 August 2014 July 2014 June 2014 May 2014 April 2014 March 2014 February 2014 January 2014 December 2013 November 2013 October 2013 September 2013 August 2013 July 2013 June 2013 May 2013 April 2013 March 2013 February 2013 January 2013 December 2012 November 2012 October 2012 September 2012 August 2012 July 2012 June 2012 May 2012 April 2012 March 2012 February 2012 January 2012 December 2011 November 2011 October 2011 September 2011 August 2011 July 2011 June 2011 May 2011 April 2011 March 2011 February 2011 January 2011 December 2010 November 2010 October 2010 September 2010 August 2010 July 2010 June 2010 May 2010 April 2010 March 2010 February 2010 January 2010 December 2009 November 2009 October 2009 September 2009 August 2009 July 2009 June 2009 May 2009 April 2009 March 2009 February 2009 January 2009 December 2008 November 2008 October 2008 September 2008 August 2008 July 2008 June 2008 May 2008 April 2008 March 2008 February 2008 January 2008 December 2007 November 2007 October 2007 September 2007 August 2007 July 2007 June 2007 May 2007 April 2007 March 2007 February 2007 January 2007 December 2006 November 2006 October 2006

TAKE THE

Religious Wisdom Quiz

I was breathing out murderous threats, but a blinding light changed everything. I became the greatest missionary the church has known. Who am I?

Select your answer to see how you score.

Peter Saul Stephen Barnabas

Books by This Author Books by Anne Kennedy

See All Titles »