Mistress of None: Notes from Home

Last updated on: October 14, 2017 at 10:43 am by Anne Kennedy

Mistress of None: Notes from Home 2017-10-14T10:43:16-04:00 Anne Kennedy

LOGO Patheos Explore the world's faith through different perspectives on religion and spirituality! Patheos has the views of the prevalent religions and spiritualities of the world.

In the spirit of believing, even though it is manifestly and verifiably never ever ever true, that if I could just organize my life perfectly I would never ever ever fall into sin and trouble, I did spend another angsty week flirting with the idea of another schedule overhaul. I should just rearrange these two moments, I said to myself, and wake up seven hours earlier, and then everything will fall neatly into place. I will stop being the failure that I am.

Jordan Peterson, somewhere or other, makes a helpful distinction between power and competence. The two are not really the same, but they share some similarities, and I think I am always confusing the two. When I am not competent at something, when I haven’t mastered it, I feel stupid and awful, and so then I exert my frustrated will in the realm of power. I try to fix it by fixing the people around me, getting them to stop doing the thing that angers me about myself.

As I mentioned to a friend this week, I think most of the women in the west, just to generalize so broadly that it will take you only thirty seconds to prove me wrong, are unhappy in house keeping, and in “wifedom” in general, because of the lack of competence in any one sphere. There are So Many spheres in which they have to dwell that there just isn’t time enough, at least in human terms, to do even one of them all the way to completion, to the point of being satisfied and being able to sit back and enjoy a sense of mastery. And so they (obviously I’m talking about myself) flit from one realm to the other doing everything badly, accompanied always by their pinging phones, and finally screaming at everyone in a powerful rage, or developing anxiety and depression.

Similarly, children don’t often have the time and space to gain mastery over anything, either because they aren’t given the material opportunity, being always rushed on to the next activity or subject, or because they are protected from the struggle itself. I am guilty, I will admit, of rushing my children, in the same way that I rush myself. But don’t worry! I do feel really bad every time I do it!

I am not eager to blame myself, though. I would like at this moment, to blame both society and the technology that society has embraced. Too many things (remember, that’s a technical word) are expected of me. I can’t do them all. Literally. I just can’t. But I believe in the core of my being that I can. I just need to try harder and by more junk. In this way I will gain mastery and competence and become the wholistic and embodied person I expect myself to be. This is the deep magic of American Consumerisim. That it may involve me being just an itty bitty bit of a controlling jerk in order to get it all done is not on the warning label at the back, because that would ruin it.

The limits of the self in time and space should be as life giving as the limits of the open blank page and the keyboard. They should be a place of creativity and invention–not of more devices to save time, but of mastery and discipline. By working really hard in one single sphere, say, cleaning the house, a person should be able to gain satisfaction and joy in the outworking of that task. But when cleaning the house is jumbled onto the same page as raising the children, doing email, finishing a project, digging up the garden, buying food, cooking food, sorting out Halloween costumes (because I’m a reckless pagan), remembering to get the children through their school, arguing with the internet, and some other stuff that I’ve forgotten, the room for creative competency flees away. The woman who does, by sheer force of awesomeness, get her whole life in order is then called Super Woman, and all the other women bask her exhausted shade and feel guilty about their lives.

There is no solution of course. I can add to myself another law, of trying to “live in the moment,” of “being over doing.” But because I can’t satisfactorily Do, I never really get the opportunity to Be, and so that is just another realm in which to feel bad about everything.

Now, let me see, I bet there’s something cool on Pinterest that will help me reorganize my day. Pip pip.

Previous Post

October 13, 2017

7 Popular Takes

Next Post

October 15, 2017 Reading and Writing to Glory

Browse Our Archives

Select a Category books Catechesis of the Good Shepherd Children in Conversation culture watch Daily Devotions Demotivations with Anne faith alone for the grandparents GAFCON In conversation with children In the News Kitchen Notes Lambeth Learning Notes Life Going On Men are Human Notes from Home Pictures Reading the Bible Saturday Links Sermons Signs of the Apocalypse The Bad Word Association The Prayer of Jonah Travel Notes Uncategorized Witless Wednesdays Work and the Christian

Select a Month June 2024 May 2024 April 2024 March 2024 February 2024 January 2024 November 2023 October 2023 September 2023 August 2023 July 2023 June 2023 May 2023 April 2023 March 2023 February 2023 January 2023 December 2022 November 2022 October 2022 September 2022 July 2022 May 2022 April 2022 March 2022 February 2022 January 2022 December 2021 November 2021 October 2021 September 2021 August 2021 July 2021 June 2021 May 2021 April 2021 March 2021 February 2021 January 2021 December 2020 November 2020 October 2020 September 2020 August 2020 July 2020 June 2020 May 2020 April 2020 March 2020 February 2020 January 2020 December 2019 November 2019 October 2019 September 2019 August 2019 July 2019 June 2019 May 2019 April 2019 March 2019 February 2019 January 2019 December 2018 November 2018 October 2018 September 2018 August 2018 July 2018 June 2018 May 2018 April 2018 March 2018 February 2018 January 2018 December 2017 November 2017 October 2017 September 2017 August 2017 July 2017 June 2017 May 2017 April 2017 March 2017 February 2017 January 2017 December 2016 November 2016 October 2016 September 2016 August 2016 July 2016 June 2016 May 2016 April 2016 March 2016 February 2016 January 2016 December 2015 November 2015 October 2015 September 2015 August 2015 July 2015 June 2015 May 2015 April 2015 March 2015 February 2015 January 2015 December 2014 November 2014 October 2014 September 2014 August 2014 July 2014 June 2014 May 2014 April 2014 March 2014 February 2014 January 2014 December 2013 November 2013 October 2013 September 2013 August 2013 July 2013 June 2013 May 2013 April 2013 March 2013 February 2013 January 2013 December 2012 November 2012 October 2012 September 2012 August 2012 July 2012 June 2012 May 2012 April 2012 March 2012 February 2012 January 2012 December 2011 November 2011 October 2011 September 2011 August 2011 July 2011 June 2011 May 2011 April 2011 March 2011 February 2011 January 2011 December 2010 November 2010 October 2010 September 2010 August 2010 July 2010 June 2010 May 2010 April 2010 March 2010 February 2010 January 2010 December 2009 November 2009 October 2009 September 2009 August 2009 July 2009 June 2009 May 2009 April 2009 March 2009 February 2009 January 2009 December 2008 November 2008 October 2008 September 2008 August 2008 July 2008 June 2008 May 2008 April 2008 March 2008 February 2008 January 2008 December 2007 November 2007 October 2007 September 2007 August 2007 July 2007 June 2007 May 2007 April 2007 March 2007 February 2007 January 2007 December 2006 November 2006 October 2006

TAKE THE

Religious Wisdom Quiz

Who compared himself to a gentle lamb led to the slaughter?

Select your answer to see how you score.

Job Isaiah Ezekiel Jeremiah

Books by This Author Books by Anne Kennedy

See All Titles »