The Importance of Being Embarrassed

Last updated on: June 7, 2016 at 8:58 am by Anne Kennedy

The Importance of Being Embarrassed 2016-06-07T08:58:09-04:00 Anne Kennedy

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Elphine and I got to see Love and Friendship yesterday while the little girls harassed their grandmother in the Angry Birds Movie and Matt went with the boys to see Captain America Civil War. It was so very gendered of us. What a failure we are to modern life. But there was no way that Elphine, nor I, could be prevailed upon to endure Captain America.

Whereas Love and Friendship–what a charming movie. I hope to go see it again and again. But before I say anymore, you ought first to go read this definitive piece by Mrs. Darwin. In other words, I won’t be reviewing the movie. She already did a perfect job. I will only be, in the usual way, lamenting something essential that has been lost from public life.

And that something is embarrassment.

If you are ever wondering what is the difference between American Humor and British, I always put it down to the British person’s capacity to be overcome by each gentle wave of mortification that so regularly and ruinously lap up upon the soul’s edges. Instead of saying, “Life is pain, highness”, the British person might whisper, “life is embarrassing” and therefore potentially very funny.

But what kind of embarrassment? Because American humor, in many cases, can go forward on the awkwardness of the moment. Compare the original British Office with the American version and you will be cringing deliciously through both. And yet, the American version, as each embarrassing moment goes forward, is imbued with a gentle can-do spirit of camaraderie, of people banding together in mutual understanding and good will to get a job done, of pragmatism. And because this is so, I think, the humor, and even the jokes that are formed around personal embarrassment, is more physical and situational. British humor, on the other hand, illumines the interior mortification of having done the Wrong Thing, of having failed to live up to the social contract that holds humanity together.

That’s my not very carefully considered opinion. Embarrassment is important not just because of the very important role it plays in humor. It is important because it reminds the human person of the moral glue that binds humanity together. And this is where Austen is so brilliant. And why Christians should be, as I said some weeks ago, funny. And why all is lost if we can’t have a joke here and there.

Austen is, as Mrs. Darwin so wonderfully reminded us, at her core, Moral. It is not just that young ladies have to be married so that they have something to live on. It is not just about finding a partner of sense and respectability. It is not only about love. All these threads are wonderfully woven together in every single novel, but none are the binding, underlying fabric that keeps everything from unraveling . No, the core motivating principle she so wonderfully illumines character by character is true, moral, goodness. Take out a robust moral goodness from the picture frame, and none of the brushstrokes make any sense.

I am belaboring this because Elphine, clever child that she is, has been thinking out loud about it for some many months. She is hearing the cultural meme loud and clear that the human person must never be embarrassed. She must accept Everything about herself. She must love herself completely. She must follow her heart and her desires wherever they lead. She must also follow her dreams, and her destiny. And when she does, when she has truly expressed herself, she will be fully human.

“But'” she daily reminds me, “I don’t have a dream in my heart to follow.” And, “how can I possibly not be embarrassed when everything is so embarrassing?” And there she has hit the nail on the head.

She would like to grow up to be good, to be kind. She would like not to throw her life away on a whim. She would like sense and humor to prevail when ridiculousness seems like it is about to overtake her. She wants her love of God to be in the driver’s seat and not her own changeable foolishness. She is thirteen, after all. She knows perfectly well that in five years she’s going to be a very different creature. And she has understood, somehow, that the feeling of embarrassment is an essential part of becoming who she ought to be. Without feeling embarrassed, both for herself and others, she can’t viscerally understand what words and actions do, how they work themselves out moment by moment.

And she knows that that which is embarrassing can also be very funny. If you have experienced a humiliating embarrassment, rather than being crushed into the ground never to rise again, you can make a very funny joke. The joke, properly delivered, illumines the moral failing, the embarrassment, and then graciously removes it’s terrible sting. It allows you to see, and then to forgive.

And that is why Love and Friendship is one of the best movies ever. In a time and a place where we have been told that none of the actions of any of these characters should be at all bad or worthy of reproach, the makers of this movie allowed the lively breath of Austin’s moral good sense to sweep through the room. We can say all day long that it doesn’t matter what you do as long as you express yourself honestly, but we all know that isn’t even a little bit true. And we know that it isn’t true because anyone watching this movie would have to admit that they understand the plot, and understand the embarrassment, and understand that the actions of one person affect every other person.

Plus, the costumes and sets were gorgeous.

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