7 Helpful Takes

Last updated on: March 11, 2016 at 8:40 am by Anne Kennedy

7 Helpful Takes 2016-03-11T08:40:37-04:00 Anne Kennedy

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The time finally came, the walrus said, to rearrange the chore chart and make all the tasks more evenly distributed.

One
The deeply pressing question for me, over the last ten years, has always been, ‘how much can a child be expected to do?’ I have lived in mortal fear of being covered in children whom I thought could only sweep the floor, when in reality it turns out they could sweep the floor, mop the floor, pull up the floor and lay down new floor. How is a person to know? Because no child just wakes up one day and says, ‘you know, I’m not doing enough around here. What new job can I do to be helpful?’ Well, OK, I did have one child say that one time, but that has to be some kind of fluke.
Two
For the longest time, I’ve had children in whole tasks. My charts said stuff like
Elphine: Laundry
Alouicious: Kitchen
Romulus: Dining Room
Gladys: Level
Marigold: Oh My Word Just Don’t Wreck Everything
Egglantine: Oh My Word get off of me and stop crying
But as we’ve gone along the last few months, I, who am of course super perceptive and on top of stuff, noticed that it was taking people an awfully long time to do, say, the whole entire kitchen. And I was beginning to be screamy. And they were beginning to make large generalizing statements, like, “Gladys Never Rinses The Dishes And She Always Gets In My Way.”
“Don’t generalize,” I would say, “don’t use words like ‘always’ and ‘never’ about people.” Which command would always be met with a blank stare of confusion.
Three
Furthermore, my token economy was falling into ruin because nobody could finish a whole task. This was cheaper for me, but not motivating for them. And when the token economy fails, not only do chores fail, but school begins to fail, because everyone gets a stick for every subject as well as every chore, and it was clear that some people were not bothering with stuff like, well, math.
The good thing about the token economy, for me, is that when it works well it produces an integration of school work and house work. Those two things are blended in the child’s mind. They just have a body of work and do not have conflicting notions about work and home. My hope is that in later years, when they are trying to get real jobs and keep real homes, they won’t have the tragic idea that one kind of work is worth it and important, and other kinds of work are debasing and unimportant. Maybe it won’t work, but maybe it will.
The nice thing about housework and school work being all together jumbled in the stick jar, is that they discover satisfaction in many different arenas. Marigold, for instance, loves math and rinsing dishes. Elphine loves being alone in the laundry, and geography. So far, the two kinds of work are not at war for them, as they are for me.
Of course, I am always well able to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory, so watch this blog for future failure.
Four
All that to say that I have now given way to a complicated and vast chore system that is too large for me to keep in my head all at once. A system that involved breaking every single large task into precisely six smaller tasks. So the kitchen, for every meal, has six tasks associated with it. The laundry has six jobs. The Level (that’s an official word for the main living space of the house) has six jobs. Everything is broken up. And, unintentionally, I had a sort of auction on my hands, with children shouting and justifying the choice of jobs. Matt looked up from Facebook and wondered if letting them choose was a brilliant idea. “Oh I’m sure not,” I said, “I’m sure this is going to come round and bite me in the…” Fortunately no more could be heard over all the shouting.
Five
Admittedly, we are only three days in, so I have no idea of the long term benefits of this system, but up to this moment it has been working like a dream. For the first time in months, a single hour after luncheon, I wandered into the kitchen and found it completely “clean”. That is, as clean as six children can get it. Spotless is the wrong word. Good is probably the word I’m looking for. Also, the laundry has been clicking along at an actual pace, and 85% more school was accomplished. So that is a win all the way.
Six
Here is my vast chart.

If you are wondering what can be expected of a child by age….well….I suppose I could relay that in the comments. I used to comb the Internet for such lists, now I just wing it. My rule of thumb is, if you want it done, they can probably do it, whoever they are.

And here is an important reminder about life in general, and mothering in particular.

Seven
My philosophy for the work of children is that they should, eventually, be doing it all, while I sit in my chair. I gave them life. They need to be equipped to go out and get one, a life that is. So while I am certainly the servant of all, my service, in large measures, includes giving them the skills they need to care for themselves and others, and that means house work. Lots and lots of housework. Furthermore, the proper division of tasks produces peace. If nobody knows what the job is and what it requires, there can only be frustration and sadness. Whereas, if you know what to do, how to do it and know that you are able, you might whine a bit, but ultimately you have gained competence which is a good producer of contentment.

So, there you are. Hope you have a lovely weekend. I’ll be back tomorrow with links for sure. Meanwhile, go read more and better quick takes.

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