The Listicle: The Perfect List of Happiness

Last updated on: October 14, 2015 at 7:54 am by Anne Kennedy

The Listicle: The Perfect List of Happiness 2015-10-14T07:54:16-04:00 Anne Kennedy

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Did you know that HuffPo has a happiness page? I just discovered it, trolling as I was around the Internet, looking for something to take my mind off this wretched cold. Not only is there news over there, but there’s lifestyle advice, and also this happiness page. If you scroll down, one very true understanding immediately becomes obvious.

Happiness is found in Lists.

I do think this is indisputable. Think about it. If you make a list of things you want to do or acquire, and you do or acquire everything on that list, are you not then perfectly happy? Of course you are. At that point you virtually lack nothing. You have gained everything on your list. You have only to lie back and see the salvation your hands have wrought. If lists weren’t the road to happiness, we wouldn’t have to have so many of them. It’s simple logic, or whatever that thing is called where you try to think about something for a while.

And if you find yourself unhappy, a listicle will solve all your grief. Ten habits of happy people. Three ways to start your day happier. Ten ways to know you’re actually a happy person. Seven ways to get rid of all the unhappiness in your life. These listicles are such a blessing and full of invaluable advice like, Try Not to be a Bitter and Angry Person, and Take Time to Take Care of Yourself, and Don’t Give In to the negative and angry thoughts of others. I bet if you were to go through all the listicles your clicking finger could find, and compile them all into one grand master Happiness List, you would have on your screen the true weapons of war. You would never need to be unhappy again ever. All you would need is to just do or get all the stuff on that long perfect list and you would never experience any sorrow or pain or depression again. You wouldn’t even need to wait for Jesus to come back, so complete would be your happiness.

I wonder that so many remain so unhappy, with all these lists out there to strengthen and grow the perfect seeds of happiness. Maybe the right list hasn’t been found. Or maybe we are all too lazy to do what’s on the list. Maybe a second list of how to do what’s on the first list could be helpful.

The bewitching thing about a list, I think, is that it keeps everything firmly gripped in your own hand. If you find yourself frustrated or angry or depressed or sad, of course the obvious thing is to try to fix it, to wrench yourself out of whatever mood of space you’re in, and if you can do that, you have the double joy of one, not being sad any more and two, being filled with the warm glow of self satisfaction. You did it. You’re awesome. This is why I am vaguely skeptical of any kind of gratitude or thankfulness list. It might be, through the careful keeping of a list, that you keep your whole understanding of God firmly clenched in your own fist. It’s a gentle work you can do, to make everything better. I mean, there’s not anything wrong with it, exactly, unless it tricks you into thinking you did something clever.

The juxtaposition between numbering your days that you may gain a heart a of wisdom, and taking on the task of doing stuff to make yourself happy, illumines, I think, the perfection of the gospel. True happiness only comes when you are stuck in a hole and all the lists have failed you. You should have done it all and acquired it all. You should have been enough. You should be happy. You should be forgiving and thoughtful and caring of yourself and others. You shouldn’t be a bitter angry depressed person. The more you peel back the layers and find failure and ugliness, the deeper into the hole you fall. You can try to climb up the sides, fitting your feet into the papery, flimsy salvation of each task, but if you make it to the top, out of the hole, you are in the worst place ever because at that point you will discover that, in doing it yourself, you didn’t need God. So either you are in the hole, perishing, or you are at the top, congratulating yourself, and still perishing.

The only way out is to sit in the hole and cry out to God. If you cry out to him, he will save you. And I suppose you could take out a little piece of paper and write that down as Day One: Rescued. Still, on Day Two, you standing there, relieved not to be in the hole anymore, of course you’re tempted to make the work of that day a list of ways to Stay Out of the Hole. God pulled you out, but it will be your job to stay that way, through, well, lists and gratitude and church attendance and helping the poor. What happens if you stumble and you can’t stand up from all the pile of stuff you’re having to do to keep yourself from falling in the hole again?

Numbering your days shouldn’t be confused with numbering your work. But that’s where the tangle comes in. Look what I’m doing, God, why aren’t you keeping me happy? Whereas, day one you were rescued. Day two you were still rescued. Day three you were rescued again. You pile up rescue after rescue, and you lose count, so great is the rescue, but you gain wisdom, because you’re so terribly and pathetically dependent on God.

We know lists are good because God has a perfect one. It has names, and numbers of days, and it encompasses all time. It is never lost or mushed at the bottom of a pile of library books. It includes the multitude of rescues you required, as you failed your way through each and every list. And if you can be on that list, all your sorrow and your suffering and your sadness will be turned into joy.

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