Buddhist Catholic Contemplative Evangelical General Christian Hindu Jewish Latter-day Saint Muslim New Visions Progressive Christian

Beliefs

Topics

Columnists

Resource Library

Research Tools

Video

Podcasts

Thought Readers

Faith In Media Tracker

Newsletters

Ad-Free & Subscriber Log-In Subscription Support

Follow Patheos

Pilgrim's Road Trip

Home
Evangelical
A mixed bag full of apricots and hammers

A mixed bag full of apricots and hammers

Last updated on: March 19, 2010 at 7:39 am by Michelle Van Loon

A mixed bag full of apricots and hammers 2010-03-19T07:39:00-05:00 Michelle Van Loon

LOGO Patheos Explore the world's faith through different perspectives on religion and spirituality! Patheos has the views of the prevalent religions and spiritualities of the world.

The recent news that a child’s death has been blamed on the parents’ adherence to the extreme fundy teachings of Michael and Debi Pearl made me think about the bombastic, insistent voices claiming to offer the perfect formula for not only raising children, but living a godly life. (As if a holy life was a recipe!) Voices of folks like Bill Gothard, Jonathan Lindvall and the Pearls dominated the home school movement in the `90’s when we began home schooling. They had enough capital T Truth in their teachings to make them very convincing salespeople for their Readi-Mix approach to discipleship.

Some of these bombastic teachers’ convictions (in modified form) made their way into our home. Some were helpful and connected us to a proper fear of the Lord; others connected to our own worries about getting it wrong as we raised our kids. It was most definitely a mixed bag full of ripe apricots and hammers. The people who filled our world (other home schoolers) were in that world, ingesting and being shaped by the same voices.

It was not an easy world. Or a particularly joy-filled one. 🙁

In fact, I reflected on that world in a chapter in my book Uprooted: Growing a parable life from the inside out. Here’s a segment of the chapter entitled “Unsatisfied contentment: When does hunger become a way of life?”:

Dave pulled into his driveway, and punched his radio off. Even in the quiet, the atmosphere in the car still carried the adrenaline charge from the uncompromising words from “God’s Agenda Today”, the radio show to which everyone at church religiously listened. This afternoon’s topic, “How Hollywood distorts the gospel”, didn’t even affect Dave personally. With four young kids in his household, he hadn’t even seen anything other than cartoons on DVD the last few years. He didn’t really know much about the movies to which GAT host Larry O’Brien referred, but by the time Dave pulled into his driveway, Larry had him convinced that evil had a California zip code.

His entire right arm started to throb, and he realized that his hand had been clenched into a fist the whole time he was listening to the show.

He shook his hand loose as he walked into the house. The decibel level today was one setting above “Boisterous”. Seven year-old Matthew was slouched in a chair in the living room, holding a bag of organic frozen green beans against the side of his head. His wife Christy was in the kitchen lecturing Jesse, nearly six, and holding nine-month old Lizzie on one hip. Christy looked ten years older than she had when he left the house that morning.

He kissed her on the cheek, and took Lizzie from her. “Looks like you’ve had a fun afternoon.”

She continued to glare at Jesse. “We were at the Tisdean’s house for lunch today, and Matthew and Jesse ganged up on Jeremiah Tisdean, going from one fight to the next. Both of them were very rude during lunch…and I could tell that Donna wasn’t too happy with the chaos. I got us out of there so I could discipline them, and then when we got home…”

Dave’s mind wandered while Christy continued to give a blow by blow description of the afternoon’s drama. Why did his kids always act up at the Tisdean’s house? The Tisdeans were spiritual giants at Covenant Bible Chapel, and seemed to have their ideal brood functioning with an eerie military precision. When Christy took the now-fussing Lizzie from his arms, she said, “So what are you going to do about Sarah?”

Her question jerked him back to earth. “What? Sarah? Why is Matthew icing his head?”

“Were you paying attention, Dave? The boys had another fight in the yard just before you came home, but that’s really not the problem. I was telling you that I discovered that Sarah stole a doll from Charity Tisdean while we were there. And then she lied to me about it. She’s up in her room. I told her to stay there until you got home and could deal with her.”

Dave found himself wishing he could steal something from the Tisdeans, too. Like a little of their perfection, maybe. “God forgive me,” he whispered as he trudged up the stairs to Sarah. “I don’t need their perfection. I need Your wisdom.”
+ + + + + + +

Jerry Tisdean was really revved this morning in Sunday School. His class was the place to be at 9 AM Sunday mornings among the faithful of Covenant Bible Chapel. After a brief prayer, Jerry launched into it. “Did any of you get a chance to listen to God’s Agenda Today on Friday?” Several men nodded. “That discussion about the way that the modern psychology movement has infiltrated the church never gets old, does it? Can’t preach the good, old-fashioned gospel if they’re using the world’s methods. These are dark days…”

The balance of the hour was spent rehashing the radio program’s contents. Always quiet, Dave willed himself to listen to the discussion, trying not to think about the argument he and Christy had in the car on the way to church. The discussion wasn’t really much of a discussion, since everyone in the class seemed to agree with every word that Jerry said. Various people weighed in with their own third-hand tidbits about the worldly tactics used by well-known parachurch ministries and churches, gleaned from the internet and various newsletters from fundamentalist “discernment” ministries.

The discussion was so heated that they nearly missed the beginning of the service. Jerry’s tribe filed into the dim 1960’s-era sanctuary as the first flat notes of “A Mighty Fortress Is Our God” thundered from an ancient upright piano. No big deal if they missed worship, Dave thought. Most people at Covenant felt that the musical portion of their worship was an aural endurance course they had to run in order to get to the main course of the morning: the red meat of God’s Word – the sermon.

He slid into the pew next to Christy, who sang with the voice of an angel. If she was pondering the ugly words he’d spoken in the van on the way to church, she wasn’t showing it. She’d told the bickering Matthew and Jesse, “Listen, boys…if you don’t zip it, we’re going to turn around and go home.”

Dave had smirked, “You’re scheduled for nursery duty today during Sunday School.” He might as well have told the boys that they won this battle, because they understood that her nursery duty meant they wouldn’t be going home, no matter how naughty they were. Christy glared icily at him, and was silent the rest of the way to church.

During verse 3 of the second hymn of the morning, Dave wondered if any of the rest of them ever said stupid things on the way to church. He suspected so, but never heard many of them talk about their own failures since most of them were too busy analyzing the failures of others. Dave and Christy had always felt that that the strong opinions from the others who attended Covenant Bible Chapel were a sign of their spiritual commitment and maturity. Lately, though, he found himself asking why their ‘maturity’ made him feel like a hopeless adolescent.

He reached for Christy’s hand, and she squeezed his in return. It was a splash of grace, and allowed Dave to focus on the sermon. Dave had always admired Pastor Johnson’s verse-by-verse teaching. He spoke today about the importance of doctrinal purity, from Philippians 1:9,10 (“And this I pray, that your love may abound yet more and more in knowledge and in all judgment; That ye may approve things that are excellent; that ye may be sincere and without offence till the day of Christ.” [KJV]) By the time the sermon was over, Pastor Johnson had aimed his cannon at the ACLU, MTV, the contemporary Christian music industry, Hollywood and the Juniors department of the local Wal-Mart.

Though Dave shared Pastor Johnson’s concerns about purity, he wasn’t quite sure how all of those offenders got roped into the sermon, especially as he pondered what the biblical text had to say.

But there was no questioning that Pastor Johnson was on his game today. He had to be, every week. Dave knew that most of the armchair preachers in the congregation would analyze his message with the gusto of sports fans. Post-game sermon analysis was entertainment to them. Some of them even collected and traded sermon tapes they’d obtained from fundamentalist ministers promoted by Larry O’Brien of “God’s Agenda Today” or Pastor Johnson. It reminded Dave of the way he used to collect and trade baseball cards when he was a kid.

He looked at Christy’s hand, so small in his own. He couldn’t shake the feeling that something was wrong somewhere. “Where are you in all of this, Lord Jesus?”

It was a prayer that snuck out of Dave more and more these days…

***
Have you ever had experience or exposure to extreme teaching? What effect has it had in your life?

Uncategorized

Previous Post

March 16, 2010

Review: The Living Dialogue Series

Next Post

March 23, 2010 The Big C Church

Browse Our Archives

Select a Category Baggage Books Calendar Church and Ministry CVID Ecclesiology Everyday Christian life Faith Falling Upward From The Margins Housing Jesus Movement's Unintended Consequences Midlife Midlife Survey #1 Midlife Survey #2 Moments and Days Out To The Margins Pilgrim's Road Trip Regret Seminary Spiritual Formation Uncategorized What's A Nice Jewish Grandmother Like You Doing In Seminary? When The Heart Waits Writing

Select a Month June 2017 May 2017 April 2017 March 2017 February 2017 January 2017 December 2016 November 2016 October 2016 September 2016 August 2016 July 2016 June 2016 May 2016 April 2016 March 2016 February 2016 January 2016 December 2015 November 2015 October 2015 September 2015 August 2015 July 2015 June 2015 May 2015 April 2015 March 2015 February 2015 January 2015 December 2014 November 2014 October 2014 September 2014 August 2014 July 2014 June 2014 May 2014 April 2014 March 2014 February 2014 January 2014 December 2013 October 2013 September 2013 August 2013 July 2013 June 2013 May 2013 April 2013 March 2013 February 2013 January 2013 December 2012 November 2012 October 2012 September 2012 August 2012 July 2012 June 2012 May 2012 April 2012 March 2012 February 2012 January 2012 December 2011 November 2011 October 2011 September 2011 August 2011 July 2011 June 2011 May 2011 April 2011 March 2011 February 2011 January 2011 December 2010 November 2010 October 2010 September 2010 August 2010 July 2010 June 2010 May 2010 April 2010 March 2010 February 2010 January 2010 December 2009 November 2009 October 2009 September 2009 August 2009 July 2009 June 2009 May 2009 April 2009 March 2009 February 2009 January 2009 December 2008 November 2008 October 2008 September 2008 August 2008 July 2008 June 2008 May 2008 April 2008 March 2008 February 2008 January 2008 December 2007 November 2007 October 2007 September 2007 August 2007 July 2007 June 2007 May 2007 April 2007

TAKE THE

Religious Wisdom Quiz

What currency did Judas receive for betraying Jesus?

Select your answer to see how you score.

Bronze Copper Silver Gold