Caught in the crossfire

Last updated on: February 10, 2009 at 11:04 am by Pia de Solenni

Caught in the crossfire 2009-02-10T11:04:05-07:00 Pia de Solenni

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It’s a rare person who hasn’t felt caught in the cultural crossfires of the sexual revolution. A successful woman playwright is no exception.

Who hasn’t felt confused about gender roles, dating, sexual mores? Men don’t know when to open a door and when not to open a door. Women don’t know when leadership doesn’t necessarily mean picking up the tab or fixing his life. And that’s just the tip of the iceburg.

Zoe Lewis published a sort of soul-searching piece examining where she’s at in life and wondering why she didn’t end up where she wanted even though she ended up exactly where she planned. She worked hard to establish her career and she accomplished that. But, despite al the notions of fulfillment that we’ve been fed since we were little girls playing soccer with little boys, it takes more than a career for most people to experience fulfillment. Her piece is a good read to evaluate where we’ve been and where we’re at. The challenge is to change the direction before more people end up where they don’t want to be. Lewis has done us a favor but prompting an essential discussion.

In the future, I hope there can be a better understanding of women by women. The past 25 years has been confusing for our sex, and I can’t help feeling I’ve been caught in the crossfire.

As women, we should accept each other full stop, rather than only appreciating professional ‘success’.

I have always felt an immense pressure to be successful, to show men I am their equal. What a waste of time that was. The traditional role of wife and mother should be given parity with the careerist role in the minds of feminists as well as men.

My mother has managed to juggle a career as a film-maker and being a great mother. She was part of the generation that overlapped in the sense that they had feminist values, but still had children early. She hasn’t had the career opportunities that my generation of women have had because she had to make sacrifices and take lesser jobs so she could be there at parents’ evenings. That is not a clash of priorities that I or most of my friends have ever faced.
Before the sisterhood rise up in fury, I would say this: I am not betraying feminism at all. Choice and careers are vital, of course, but they shouldn’t be held up as a Holy Grail and pursued relentlessly. I love being a writer, but my career hasn’t made me feel as fulfilled as I had imagined it would.

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