Buddhist Catholic Contemplative Evangelical General Christian Hindu Jewish Latter-day Saint Muslim New Visions Progressive Christian

Beliefs

Topics

Columnists

Resource Library

Research Tools

Video

Podcasts

Thought Readers

Faith In Media Tracker

Newsletters

Ad-Free & Subscriber Log-In Subscription Support

Follow Patheos

Pia de Solenni

Home
Catholic
Among the Intellectualoids… Hooked for Life

Among the Intellectualoids… Hooked for Life

Last updated on: September 30, 2007 at 2:06 pm by Pia de Solenni

Among the Intellectualoids… Hooked for Life 2007-09-30T14:06:48-07:00 Pia de Solenni

LOGO Patheos Explore the world's faith through different perspectives on religion and spirituality! Patheos has the views of the prevalent religions and spiritualities of the world.

Among the Intellectualoids
Hooked for Life

By Pia de Solenni

The American Spectator
Published 9/28/2007 12:07:57 AM

Equipped with the self-revelatory means of media — blogs, podcasts, YouTube, MySpace, radio, reality television, even op-ed writers — armchair psychologists are never at a loss for new subjects. But even they might suffer from TMI (too much information) at times. These various media encourage, allow, and facilitate the revealing of personal information that many of us would either never tell, or we’d pay a therapist, or we’d find a confessor. In a sense, the modern confessor is the world at large, or anyone who’s willing to pay attention.

The New York Times has long parted from its motto of printing “only the news that’s fit to print,” whether reporting classified information that could help terrorists or serving as a forum for a columnist to lament her dating life. Their latest TMI episode comes in the form of a piece by Jennifer Cacicio who describes the experience of looking up an old boyfriend on MySpace and learning that he now practices a gruesome pastime called suspension. In essence, he hangs himself from metal hooks that pierce his flesh and has himself hoisted by some sort of rigging. According to Cacicio, people do this for different reasons:

Some are in it for the rush that occurs when your body experiences something so intense. But some are looking for something deeper: to conquer their fears or push the limits of the human body. They hope to learn to let go, to move around outside their body and to experience something most others never will. Others simply seek the unknown.

In excellent prose, she communicates how disturbing she finds this new information about her old boyfriend. And then, she starts to play the arm chair psychologist about the man she hasn’t seen or heard from in seven years.

She searches her experience for something to explain his current state. Now, keep in mind, she could tell us about any part of her experience. No one is telling her story for her.

Explaining how they met, she describes their relationship as “a scalding hot bath that feels like comfort but in reality is scorching you.” More than anything, she writes, they were “grateful not to have to sleep alone.” Despite the unique experiences that human beings have, none of this is uncommon human experience. Many can say that they’ve been there and done that and, fortunately, moved on.

But after a few months of their “tumultuous” romance, she was pregnant. Although they were 20 and 26 years old, she explains that they were “but children [themselves].”

Her boyfriend’s reaction to the pregnancy?

When he said without hesitation that he wanted to keep the baby, I was shocked. Having come from an abusive family, he had long claimed that he never wanted children, that he would never bring a child into this messed-up world. But when actually presented with the opportunity, he changed his mind.

“Maybe this is exactly what we need,” he said. “Exactly what we’ve been looking for. Maybe a child would give our lives meaning, a purpose. Maybe if we had a kid, we wouldn’t feel so lost anymore.”

The timing was off and she didn’t love him; so she decided to have an abortion. When she told him her decision over the phone, she writes he responded, “You’re dead to me.” And hung up.

Given the fact that he’s now mutilating himself by hanging from hooks and posting it on the Internet, some might say that she was lucky to get out of it. They would argue that a child can’t fix you — look at all the instances of bad parents. Having children didn’t improve them. Run, don’t walk, sister.

Others might suggest that he’s suffering from post-abortion syndrome, its affects on men less discussed but real nonetheless. They would argue perhaps that his life spiraled downward as a result of the abortion because he felt guilty for not being able to protect his own child, that he felt he repeated the cycle of abuse he experienced as a child with his child.

But, at the end of the day, he’s not writing the piece and she hasn’t spoken with him in seven years.

She describes herself as “devoid of regrets.” Thinking about the “decision” she writes:

But every now and then I would be struck by the idea that I could have a 2-year-old child right now, a 4-year-old, and so on. I would be sitting in a restaurant, watching a server deliver a highchair or a pack of crayons to a thankful parent, and I would think, “Oh, yeah … weird.”
Apparently, the abortion was no big deal for her. Still, she sees it as the crux of his story.

We could discuss further the effects of TMI and some might say that the Times should not have published the piece given its graphic nature. However, the piece is published and to retract its effects would be like trying to trying to gather the feathers that have been cast to the wind from the proverbial pillow.

The piece tells a story. She wants to understand and explain why her ex is such a mess. And she sees her experience with him as part of that story.

People’s stories intertwine all the time. In telling his story, she tells us about herself. If she truly sees the abortion as the lynchpin of his decline, it seems the abortion should be something more than “weird.”

More could be said about the piece and about the author. But for our purposes here, it enough to note that she’s used the narrative of her boyfriend to almost confess to the world that she’s had an abortion. Almost.

Exploring her doubts, she concludes:

Maybe a child would have given his life purpose, as he had hoped, filling whatever void he was now plugging with this self-inflicted pain. So did that mean this was my fault? Was I responsible?

And then I recognized my attitude for the presumptuous narcissism that it was.

The “presumptuous narcissism” saves her from admitting any guilt surrounding the abortion. After all, he explained that he felt lost and that perhaps a child would keep them from feeling so lost. Cacicio concludes her piece writing that perhaps hanging from hooks makes him feel “found.”

While they may not have made the best parents and quite possibly should not have persisted in their relationship, killing their unborn child seems to have left them both somewhat unsettled in their own ways…as she tells it.

I welcome any such open discussion of abortion and its effects.

Pia de Solenni writes from Philadelphia, PA.

Articles

Previous Post

July 29, 2007

Feminine Singular

Next Post

September 30, 2007 Protecting Girls: Thinking about Ted Kennedy’s Groody concerns

Browse Our Archives

Select a Category Articles Thinking Out Loud Uncategorized

Select a Month August 2016 July 2016 May 2016 March 2016 February 2016 July 2015 June 2015 May 2015 April 2015 March 2015 February 2015 January 2015 December 2014 November 2014 October 2014 September 2014 August 2014 July 2014 June 2014 May 2014 April 2014 March 2014 February 2014 September 2013 August 2013 May 2013 April 2013 March 2013 February 2013 January 2013 December 2012 November 2012 October 2012 September 2012 August 2012 July 2012 June 2012 April 2012 March 2012 February 2012 January 2012 December 2011 November 2011 October 2011 September 2011 August 2011 July 2011 June 2011 May 2011 April 2011 March 2011 February 2011 January 2011 December 2010 November 2010 October 2010 September 2010 May 2010 April 2010 March 2010 August 2009 June 2009 May 2009 April 2009 March 2009 February 2009 December 2008 November 2008 October 2008 September 2008 August 2008 July 2008 June 2008 May 2008 April 2008 March 2008 February 2008 January 2008 December 2007 November 2007 October 2007 September 2007 July 2007 October 1008

TAKE THE

Religious Wisdom Quiz

Who asked Jesus, "What is truth?"

Select your answer to see how you score.

Pilate Peter Judas Caiaphas