My son, My son: On the Death of a Child

Last updated on: April 9, 2013 at 10:45 am by John Mark N. Reynolds

My son, My son: On the Death of a Child 2013-04-09T10:45:58-04:00 John Mark N. Reynolds

LOGO Patheos Explore the world's faith through different perspectives on religion and spirituality! Patheos has the views of the prevalent religions and spiritualities of the world.

The Warren family lost a son.

I wish there was something I could do to comfort them, but cannot form any helpful words. Should I reach out? I wonder if it is appropriate for me to write publicly about their private pain, until I see that this pain has become public.

They have no need for any wisdom from me and I would not insult grief by pretending a parent can be talked out of the pain of losing a child to suicide.

Their pain is their pain and nobody can relate to it whatever our own experiences might be. Pain and difficulty incarnate themselves in a person’s life in unique ways. The sins, problems, and the start of the pain are the same for us all, part of our common humanity, but then suffering works itself into the crevices, folds, and wrinkles we have made in our particular lives.

The hurts are similar, but it is the particular pain that is so difficult. General advice is worse than useless at such times. It helps with the general pain, but not the real ache that no man can touch, because the man suffering it cannot reach that place and the rest of us cannot find it.

Or so I have found it.

To lose a child . . . I cry with David: “my son, my son.” I would die rather than see any of my children die, but that is not a choice most of us ever get. Life is too severe for that simple mercy. My Dad knew. He would have done anything to help me, but in my worst days had to give me to God.

I have been so depressed that I thought about taking my own life in my early twenties and my own family, including my wife, struggles with a depression that has a biological root. Some of my Christian friends cannot understand this fact, because they think all such problems have a spiritual solution. Some such problems do, mine often does, but others do not: my wife’s does not.

Spiritual problems require spiritual cures and depression is not always a spiritual problem.
All human problems are in a deep sense of the result of the break between God and humanity that came because of sin, but sin works on a physical, mental, and spiritual level. We don’t go to the medical doctor to confess our spiritual failings, but this implies we shouldn’t go to our pastor to deal with biological problems.

Some depression has a physical cause, other depression is the result of mental choices, and other sorrows have sinful choices we have made as their cause.

Why doesn’t God just heal? He does heal, but slowly. Why? God loves each person so much He does not root all that is wrong immediately. If He did, then the structure of our being; body, soul, and spirit, would collapse. We would be mere rubble. Instead, he invites us to be transformed by renewal.

Our physical renewal begins in aging, moves through death, into life. We can, justly, put of this process, but not stop it, because the problems in our physical nature run too deep for superficial cures.

The same applies to our minds and souls. We can be saved, and once saved our healing can begin, but only begin. The problem is too deep for quick cures. You can “pray away” the problems, but only over long periods of time and with great suffering. The final cure, the severe mercy to heal our broken state, is death. We are judged by Christ’s merits, die with Him, and then come to new life.

This side of the eternal City of God nobody will be free of physical, spiritual, or mental pain. The good news is that progress is possible, we can become more like ourselves because God helps us become more like Jesus, the only human who is not at all broken.

We tried to break Him, but He endured!

This is why my immediate reaction to this death was so flawed. The Warren family used all the tools God has given us to help their son: medicine, Faith, and psychiatry. Nothing worked . . . or is that a presumption on my part.

The outcome was horrible, but even that broken moment can be healed in Paradise. The crooked will all be made straight. The rough places smooth.

Why didn’t Christianity help this young man? For all I know it did. It prepared him for the City of God. Why didn’t science help this young man? For all I know it did. It helped him to work out his salvation as long as he could. Why didn’t psychology help? For all I know it did.

We work until the night comes and then we cease from our labor. This is so true, that at some points in my life I wondered if I could go on. I did go on, because it was right to do so as long as I could, because however painful the healing had to continue.

The healing process will not end with my death anyway, if Christian teaching is to be believed, but will continue. (See C.S. Lewis in The Great Divorce.) If I can choose, then I must leave the healing in the hands of the Great Physician or risk spoiling His sure cure.

Progress, small as it may seem, I do see, but not always. My spiritual nearsightedness will not allow it.

Some people are so broken that in the end they cannot choose for themselves. They did not kill themselves, their disease, mental, physical, or emotional, kills them.

I don’t know what was true about the Warren son . . . but I know he had good and decent parents who loved him. This young man professed faith in a God that loves all his prodigal children. Nobody dies in sinless perfection, but we can die in having been made right with God . . . and in the process of perfection.

And someday, some Final Day, we will be fully changed, glorified, and begin the eternal process of changing into our full humanity untied with the Divine. Meanwhile, I pray for the Warrens and for their son. May his soul and that the souls of all the faithful departed rest in peace.

Hosanna! Maranatha!

John Mark Reynolds

Previous Post

April 8, 2013

Learning to Love My Body

Next Post

April 9, 2013 Faithful Christianity in College

Browse Our Archives

Select a Category Abortion Abortion adoption Africa Aging AIDS America Worship American history Americolatry An Open Letter to a College Freshman animals Apologetics art Atheism Authors Barack Obama Bible Biblical Scholarship Billy Graham Blogging Bono Book Review Books That Change Lives Breakfast Links Bulletin Board Business Children Christian Approach to Politics Christian Media Christian Right Derangement Syndrome Christianity and Homosexuality Christians in Government Christmas Chuck Colson CLS v Martinez Comic Creation Creativity and the Arts Cross Examinations Cross Investigations Daily Fragment Daily Trinity Death debt Deep Thoughts on Fatherhood depression economy education Election 2012 entertainment Environment Epistemology Erik Campano Euthanasia Evangelicalism Evangelicals and Gays Everyday Transcendence evil evolution Facebook Jesus faith Faith and Politics Faith and Politics Faith and Politics Faith and Politics Faith and Politics Faith and Politics Faith and Politics faith and reason family Feminism foreign affairs Franklin Graham Future of Evangelicalism Galen D. gay marriage George W. Bush Guest Posts Guns Gymnastics Harold Camping Heaven Hell Holidays Hollywood Homosexuality iam2.org Illegal Immigration immigration Immigration Reform Injustice Inspiration Interviews Islam Jeremy Lin Jesus jesus christ John Mark Reynolds Johnnie Moore Judgment Day Just War Theory Killing Osama Link of the Day Lists of the Week Mark Goldblatt Marriage Military Missions Mitt Romney Modern Western Thought Monastic wisdom Mormonism Morning Hash Morning Report Motherhood Movies Obamacare Old Testament Orphan Care Palin Parenting Pastoral Resources Patheos Peace Between Religions PEPFAR Persecution Peter Wehner Peter Wehner Philosophy Political Quotes of the Day politics Politics and Economics Pornography Prejudice Prisoner Rape Question of the Week Race Radical Faith Rapture Ravi Zacharias Rick Santorum Russia Salvation Sarah Palin Scandals Science Science and Faith Separation of Church and State Series sex sex slavery social justice Social Justice Ministry Spiritual Disciplines sports Steven Tyler Suffering Suicide Sunday Funnies T. Dalrymple Tea Party Technology terrorism The Christian Media Files The Daily Trinity The Electorate The Ethics of Rhetoric The Future of Seminary Education The Middle East The Obama Presidency theological Theological Renewal Theology Uncategorized Understanding Evangelicalism Vocation war War and Peace With Distinction Word to the Wise Writers

Select a Month October 2015 June 2015 May 2015 March 2015 December 2014 September 2014 August 2014 July 2014 June 2014 May 2014 April 2014 March 2014 February 2014 January 2014 December 2013 November 2013 October 2013 September 2013 August 2013 July 2013 June 2013 May 2013 April 2013 March 2013 February 2013 January 2013 December 2012 November 2012 October 2012 September 2012 August 2012 July 2012 June 2012 May 2012 April 2012 March 2012 February 2012 January 2012 December 2011 November 2011 October 2011 September 2011 August 2011 July 2011 June 2011 May 2011 April 2011 March 2011 February 2011 January 2011 December 2010 November 2010 October 2010 September 2010 August 2010 July 2010 June 2010 May 2010 April 2010 March 2010 October 2009 September 2009 August 2009 July 2009 June 2009

TAKE THE

Religious Wisdom Quiz