6 Tips for Making It Through Christmas Family Gatherings

Last updated on: December 22, 2014 at 2:21 pm by Phil Fox Rose

6 Tips for Making It Through Christmas Family Gatherings 2014-12-22T14:21:19-05:00 Phil Fox Rose

LOGO Patheos Explore the world's faith through different perspectives on religion and spirituality! Patheos has the views of the prevalent religions and spiritualities of the world.

From the Texas Dept. of Transportation’s “Tipsy, buzzed, or Blitzen” campaign

Spending time with family at the holidays can be very difficult, even impossible, for some of us. In my recent post, “Home for the holidays when a parent is an alcoholic or addict,” I shared some of my experience dealing with visiting family at the holidays, as what they sometimes call (ironically) a double winner — I’m a sober alcoholic myself and I am the child of an alcoholic parent — and the issues and challenges that can come up. As I said then, if the situation at home isn’t safe, you don’t have to go. But if it’s more on the level of annoying, there are things you can do to help make the best of it. If you are heading into an uncomfortable family situation this week, here are 6 simple tips to help you make it through. I learned them through hard-fought experience. I hope they’re helpful:

If conversation tends to turn argumentative or strident, steer towards uplifting topics you can agree on, and away from things you know you always end up fighting over. Which is more important, proving a point or having a happy family event? (See also my article on dealing with political and religious differences at family gatherings.)
If your best effort to keep conversation light isn’t working, step away from that conversation and rejoin a larger group. Or perhaps throw yourself into love and service, helping with the food and asking how others are doing.
If you feel your level of agitation or unsafeness rising significantly, take a break. Go for a walk; go outside for a smoke if you smoke; run an errand to pick up something needed later; take a nap. The point is to break the momentum.
If a relative (or anyone for that matter) is being difficult (after you’ve changed the subject or found an excuse to get away) take a minute to look past what was annoying or angering you, to that of God in them. Easier said than done, but that’s the goal. Just a minute’s prayer or reflection on what’s good about them, and remembering that none of us is perfect.
When you are visiting from out of town, if at all practical stay nearby in a hotel and come over each day for activities, then leave at the end of the day, or whenever you feel the need. Staying in the home of the family you’re visiting, on top of each other 24/7, can lead to feeling trapped and fuses can get a lot shorter.
Ultimately, remember that even if you feel like you don’t want to be there, you chose to be there because you value family, so try to make it the best experience possible, for yourself and for everyone. Making sure they know you’re annoyed isn’t helping anyone.

Please share your own tips below in comments, and come back here and share your experience during the holidays if you want.

Have a safe and happy Christmas, everyone!

(Thanks to reader GarlicClove for pointing out that this post, which was originally geared toward family situations involving alcohol is just as applicable to any family gathering. I’ve adjusted the wording to reflect that.)

You can see all my Advent-themed pieces together at patheos.com/blogs/philfoxrose/tag/advent/. Please share this link, or just one to my blog, with anyone you think might be interested. Thanks!

Previous Post

December 18, 2012

The difference between Santa, God, Spiderman and the Spanish Inquisition

Next Post

December 20, 2012 Santa and God Don't Keep Naughty Lists

Browse Our Archives

Select a Category Addiction & Recovery Culture Faith & Spirituality Health Music Politics Uncategorized

Select a Month May 2019 October 2015 September 2015 April 2015 March 2015 December 2014 November 2014 October 2014 September 2014 August 2014 June 2014 May 2014 April 2014 March 2014 December 2013 November 2013 October 2013 September 2013 August 2013 July 2013 May 2013 April 2013 March 2013 February 2013 January 2013 December 2012 November 2012 October 2012 September 2012 August 2012 November 2009 August 2009

TAKE THE

Religious Wisdom Quiz

Who said: "The reason the Son of God appeared was to destroy the devil's work"?

Select your answer to see how you score.

Paul Jesus John Peter