Diary of a Single Mormon Female: A Review

Last updated on: November 7, 2013 at 9:26 pm by Emily Belanger

Diary of a Single Mormon Female: A Review 2013-11-07T21:26:07+00:00 Emily Belanger

LOGO Patheos Explore the world's faith through different perspectives on religion and spirituality! Patheos has the views of the prevalent religions and spiritualities of the world.

Few people are brave enough to publish their diary, and yet that is what Aleesa Sutton has done in Diary of a Single Mormon Female. Starting with a recent singles adult activity that Sutton jokingly describes as a savanna, full of competing lionesses but low on prey (I’ll just note that I’ve met many desperate-for-marriage LDS men, so I do not support this stereotype), Sutton then retraces the steps that have brought her to where she is today:

“Mormon and still single at the ripe old age of thirty-two,” Sutton explains, “I am more or less a failure and disgrace to my religion. Well, that’s not actually true. But that’s often how it feels.”

By the end of the book Sutton’s perspective has shifted from the lovesick little girl who first wrote in a diary, to a woman who recognizes the nuance and complexity of a goal that once seemed as simple as saying “yes” to dates. As honest and brave as some of Sutton’s journal entries are, I find myself most interested in the recommendations she makes for ways that we can develop a more supportive church culture, especially for singles.

“There are a lot of singles slipping through the cracks,” she points out. “I wonder if so many would if they knew they were seen and cared about by the members of their wards.”

It’s no secret that many single members slip through the cracks. It’s the reason bishops and stake presidents sometimes cite for requiring single members who have not served missions to wait until they turn 25 before receiving their endowment: if you’re single you’re more likely to leave, and if you leave we’d rather you leave without making this covenant, the logic goes.

In other cases, marriage seems to be the accepted solution to singles leaving the church. And in the quest to marry off its singles, the church goes to some admittedly great lengths. While singles wards and singles branches sound commonplace to those within the faith, I find friends outside the faith surprised when I describe how entire congregations are organized around marital status.

While the singles ward structure may work for those who stay in those wards for a few years and then marry and move on, is it truly the best long-term congregation for those of us who don’t marry young, or for those who have divorced? Church policy attempts to alleviate the problem by allowing singles to choose a family ward instead if they prefer, but in many regions family wards essentially shove singles out the door.

When I moved to a new state for grad school, for instance, every member I met at the family ward I wanted to attend either asked why I wasn’t attending the student branch or even told me that I should be attending that branch, as if the decision were not my own. No matter how well they meant, or how much I’ve come to love that student branch, I felt unwelcome. So like Aleese Sutton, I wonder if there’s more that we can do within church culture to make all people feel welcome, especially singles.

It’s an issue I’ve written about before, with my own recommendations, but I appreciate the simplicity of Sutton’s request for members of family wards to simply remember to talk to singles. To say ‘hi’ to singles and sit next to them, and even invite them over for dinner on occasion. In short, to treat singles like fellow children of God.

Mormonism, politics, Romney

Previous Post

November 4, 2013

In Praise of Cafeteria Mormonism

Next Post

November 11, 2013 "If We Can't Fix It, It Ain't Broke"

Browse Our Archives

Select a Category American society Art baptism Blogging Book of Mormon Book review Brigham Young Brigham Young University Bundy Catholicism Christianity Communalism Community of Christ conferences conversion correlation Culture denominations Digital History Discipline Councils diversity Doctrine Donald Trump education Emma Smith ethics family feminism fiction Film review food French Polynesia Fundamentalism Gay rights Gender global Gun politics Halloween health History Honor Code hymns Joseph Smith Kirtland Temple law of consecration massacre site military Ministering missionary moderate Mormon feminism Modern Mormonism Mormon origins Mormon War Mormonism Mormonism, politics, Romney Obama Peace politics Polygamy Pope Francis Poverty Prayer Priesthood Protestantism Race Religious freedom Revelation Reviews sacred sites Scientology Scripture Secularization See Stones sexual assault Star Wars television temples Tithing Utah violence war women's ordination

Select a Month October 2018 September 2018 August 2018 May 2018 April 2018 March 2018 February 2018 January 2018 December 2017 October 2017 September 2017 July 2017 June 2017 May 2017 April 2017 March 2017 February 2017 January 2017 November 2016 October 2016 August 2016 July 2016 June 2016 May 2016 April 2016 March 2016 February 2016 January 2016 December 2015 November 2015 October 2015 September 2015 August 2015 July 2015 June 2015 April 2015 March 2015 February 2015 January 2015 December 2014 November 2014 October 2014 September 2014 August 2014 July 2014 June 2014 May 2014 April 2014 March 2014 February 2014 January 2014 December 2013 November 2013 October 2013 September 2013 August 2013 July 2013 June 2013 May 2013 April 2013 March 2013 February 2013 January 2013 December 2012 November 2012 October 2012 September 2012 August 2012 July 2012 June 2012 May 2012 April 2012 March 2012

TAKE THE

Religious Wisdom Quiz

Which minor prophet foretells the coming of Elijah before the day of the Lord?

Select your answer to see how you score.

Malachi Joel Obadiah Haggai