Why I don’t have an opinion on the Dubia

Last updated on: February 21, 2017 at 4:25 pm by Kate Cousino

Why I don’t have an opinion on the Dubia 2017-02-21T16:25:04-04:00 Kate Cousino

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A friend called me recently and challenged me to defend Pope Francis in light of theological controversy over some of his writings on marriage and pastoral options in complicated situations. I demurred–mildly at first, and then with what was probably surprising vehemence.

To be fair to my friend, much of our friendship was built over frequent debates on theology, history, liturgy, Church politics, philosophy, and the like. We’ve disagreed at least as frequently as we’ve agreed, but it’s only recently that I’ve started avoiding the topics that we once treated like high-stakes verbal ping-pong tables, and the movement has been gradual enough to go mostly unnoticed or be written off as other things–busyness, exhaustion, more pressing interests, distraction, and so on.

The truth is that I’ve stepped back a lot from church politicking, apologetics, and theology over the last few years. I’m not taking sides so often, not instantly forming opinions and doing the research to decide which bishop is right about what, or how this or that bit of teaching ought to be interpreted, or which set of sins is most serious and how they should be handled at the pastoral level.

I’ve become content to be “merely” laity, because I’ve come to see that is all I can handle. It’s enough of a task for me just to deal with my own hypocrisies and failings, loves and hates, temptations and virtues, habits and hopes without telling the Holy Spirit how to do its job in the hierarchy and teaching authority of the institutional Church.

I’m worried about my own holiness, or lack thereof. I’ve wrestled with God, and I am still learning how to lose.

Artist Unknown [Public domain], via Wikimedia Commons

Jacob Wrestling with the Angel, Artist Unknown [Public domain], via Wikimedia Commons

I don’t equate intellectual prowess with holiness anymore, which was the error of my youth. I don’t much think that holding the correct opinions is going to save me. I fell apart a few years ago into the terrifying abyss of awareness of my own fragmented person, and it’s taken a while for the impact of that to take hold—but it’s getting there.

I’m almost able to put into words the little I things I’ve learned about being human and living my ideals. And while I figure out how to do that, the Church—and my friends—will just have to get by without my theological opinions.

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