Free Play vs. Structure, and Parenting an ADHD kid.

Last updated on: January 18, 2017 at 6:12 pm by Kate Cousino

Free Play vs. Structure, and Parenting an ADHD kid. 2017-01-18T18:12:18-04:00 Kate Cousino

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NPR has an interesting and quick read on the change in children’s play over the last century, from largely unstructured and free form, to toy-focused and/or highly structured and supervised. A friend posted it on Facebook, and after reading it, I re-posted it with this comment:

I have to say, the effect of free play time on my 8 year old has a large enough effect on his self-regulation that he is largely able to go off his ADHD meds over the summer.
School is a mixed good–the structure reduces a lot of his anxiety and provides rhythm, and the environment gives him more interaction with a broader array of people, which has made it easier to teach empathy. On the other hand, school also taxes his energy and requires HIGH amounts of self-control to get through without violating one or another social norm or expectation. Summer is a relief to him that way because he can spend hours at a time with very few expectations–which makes him very willing and cheerful about fulfilling the expectations I do have regarding chores and rules.
On the other hand, without the medication, I have to deal with at least one melt down/screaming fit brought on by his brother per day, when they clash over the ‘rules’ for the games they are making up, and his little brother stubbornly refuses to budge, in 5 year old fashion…

I wrote a little more about my 8 year old’s experience with school in reply to a friend’s response:

… I’m just grateful his school sends them outside for recess in all seasons, and that the principal (my old highschool chem teacher) is really awesomely understanding about ‘boyish’ behaviour–and there’s actually about as many male teachers and female, which definitely helps the atmosphere of the school.
I miss homeschooling sometimes because my kid is really bright and I loved learning stuff with him. But at the same time, I know I sucked at providing him with routine; our ADHD traits just kind of bounce off and aggravate each other until we would both get frustrated. I’m much less yell-y when I’ve had a few hours to myself!
But he is AWESOME. I love this kiddo so much! Tonight he was still awake at 10:30, so he came and asked me if he could go outside with his astronomy book and look at constellations. He spent 20 minutes out there, came back and told me about finding ursa major, ursa minor, and Venus, and then went back to bed.

I struggle with mixed feelings and self-doubt about my parenting decisions pretty often. I think that’s probably normal for Moms, especially Moms of kids who don’t quite fit the standard set of expectations. I have a lot of angst over my own flaws and inconsistencies and how they impact my children, and sometimes I don’t have a lot of patience for how their imperfections and quirks impact me. I worry about them, especially my oldest, because my own school experience was so difficult, and despite my LOVE for the education and the work of school, the social experiences I had there left me pretty scarred.

Ultimately though, my job is to set aside my fears, preconceptions, and doubts as much as I can, and look at my child, so I can be flexible about responding to his real and present needs and circumstances. When I do that, I’m pretty proud of what I see.

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