ADHD – some background

Last updated on: January 18, 2013 at 3:23 pm by Kate Cousino

ADHD – some background 2013-01-18T15:23:00-04:00 Kate Cousino

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I have attention deficit disorder.

I was diagnosed last year, in the spring, after I had been meeting with a psychologist for a couple of months. I had the thought that I might have ADHD in the back of my mind when I met with her – I can’t tell you how many online screening questionnaires I have filled out over the last 4 years since my older brother was diagnosed. But I’m very aware that intelligent people can unconsciously skew the results of any sort of subjective, self-reflective testing, and I was prepared to be told that I had some different problem – or even to learn that I am just lazy, careless disorganized, and self-centered…which is what I had spent most of my life believing on some level. I made sure to emphasize all of the things that I thought didn’t fit the profile of someone with ADHD – I excelled academically, coffee makes me feel ‘buzzy’ rather than clear, I can sometimes sustain focus for a long time when I’m interested, I am often short on sleep which could explain some of my symptoms, I’m not particularly hyperactive or excitement-seeking, the chaos in my life has external causes and explanations. I tried to be stringently honest with the self-assessment tool she gave me as well as in-person questions.

In the end, she wrote me a lengthy report with her assessment: ADHD, inattentive subtype, with comorbid anxiety. (The anxiety wasn’t a surprise – I was on medication for anxiety for a few months before I became pregnant with my daughter). Of all my list of reasons I might not have ADHD, the only atypical item is high academic performance – everything else, from the difficulty falling asleep to the interpersonal issues and external chaos, to odd reactions to stimulants and the hyperfocus – is actually fairly typical of adults diagnosed with ADHD. (My academic prowess she attributed to ‘sheer horsepower’ and my interest in the topics I studied. I think family culture had a bit to do with it too.)

I brought the report to my new family doctor, who decided it was substantial enough evidence that she didn’t need to refer me out to a psychiatrist. I trialed a few different medications – carefully, because the stimulants used to treat ADHD can also aggravate anxiety symptoms – and now take a combination of Wellbutrin and Concerta. Every once in a while I miss a dose and am reminded how much better I function when my ADHD is treated.

I realize I haven’t written anything yet about how ADHD affects my life and what made me think I might have it. It’s still hard to write or talk about those traits without feeling like I am ‘excusing’ my shortcomings by pinning them on ADHD, and since the prevalence of ADHD diagnoses has made it somewhat controversial, it’s a little off putting to contemplate putting my own struggles out there for debate and discussion. Additionally, (ADDitionally, hee hee) ADHD affects so many aspects of life that it’s hard to know what to include and what not to – and what to attribute to ADHD and what to my own innate personality or decisions.

I do, however, want to write a bit about what ADHD is, what it looks like on a neurological level, what current research and theory has to say about it, and how it is not really about attention deficit, but about attention regulation and something called ‘executive function’. And at some point I should get to Renee’s question and talk a bit about tools for managing ADHD, from medication to behaviour modification!

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