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Control in Christian Parenting

Control in Christian Parenting

Last updated on: November 22, 2024 at 2:29 pm by Joy Wendling, MA

Control in Christian Parenting 2024-11-22T14:29:25-08:00 Joy Wendling, MA

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Play is a great place for kids to practice self-control. | Photo by Tatiana Syrikova on Pexels.com.

Do you think you are supposed to control your kids? Do you have Scripture to back it up? Often as Christian parents, we think about the Scriptures that say “Children, obey your parents” and we take responsibility for that, instead of allowing our children to own their obedience.

Control in the Bible

Let’s look at Ephesians 6:1-4 NLT

Children, obey your parents because you belong to the Lord, for this is the right thing to do. “Honor your father and mother.” This is the first commandment with a promise: If you honor your father and mother, “things will go well for you, and you will have a long life on the earth.”

Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger by the way you treat them. Rather, bring them up with the discipline and instruction that comes from the Lord.

What does it tell parents to do? Control your kids? Make them obey you? No!

Ephesians 6 tells parents to not make our kids angry. Sometimes when I try to control my kids, it makes them angry.

I also get angry when I feel like people are fairly trying to control me.

How about Proverbs 16:32 NLT?

Better to be patient than powerful; better to have self-control than to conquer a city.

Wow, self-control is better than controlling a city? That is huge! Could we conclude that self-control is also better than controlling our children?

Check out Genesis 4:7 NLT

You will be accepted if you do what is right. But if you refuse to do what is right, then watch out! Sin is crouching at the door, eager to control you. But you must subdue it and be its master.

Sin wants to control us, but we must control it! From my research, sin and self are the only things we are told to control. Never other people, including our children.

Finally, 2 Timothy 1:7

for God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control.

Often, when I try to control my kids or others, it is out of fear. God reminds us in His word that we aren’t to live out of a spirit of fear, but again to practice self-control.

Who Controls Your Kids?

If we as parents aren’t controlling our kids who is? They are!

We are discipling and disciplining them to practice self-control. Through guidance, teaching and modeling, we equip them to control themselves. This is biblical.

We offer wise choices. There are logical, natural, and make-it-right consequences for their choices. We affirm when they practice self-control and we offer grace and guidance when they fail.

Most importantly, we model self-control and accept that they are responsible for their actions.

Who Do You Control?

I think this one is obvious by now. We control ourselves. If you are anything like me, this is enough of a responsibility.

Proverbs 25:28 NLT

A person without self-control is like a city with broken-down walls.

Let’s strengthen those walls with a foundation built on Christ. We don’t need our kids to build our identity. Jesus has already told us our identity and it isn’t dependant on how well our children obey us. Instead, we are to focus on obeying Him.

Resting in God’s Control

Ultimately, God is in control. He is secure enough in His authority to give us free-will. Let’s model that in our homes. Trust the authority, position, and role that God has place you in with your children. Love them, serve them, guide them, and discipline them… just leave the control to them.

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About Joy Wendling, MA

Enthusiastic. Passionate. Profound. Joy Wendling is a family pastor, writer, speaker, podcaster, certified parent coach, and founder of Created to Play. She has over 20 years of experience in children, youth, and family ministry, as well as a Master’s in Youth, Family, and Culture from Fuller Theological Seminary. She also is certified in Connected Families Parent Coaching and Parenting for Faith. Her idea of relaxing is gazing at the mountains from her island home with an ice-cold Diet Coke and a good book. Joy lives in the Pacific Northwest and enjoys laughing and playing with her five daughters and husband. You can read more about the author here.

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