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Play in the Power Struggles

Play in the Power Struggles

Last updated on: May 4, 2024 at 6:08 pm by Joy Wendling, MA

Play in the Power Struggles 2024-05-04T18:08:11-07:00 Joy Wendling, MA

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We can play through power struggles for more joy and connection. | Photo by Gustavo Fring on Pexels.com.

If you are a parent, you have probably dealt with your fair share of power struggles. What do you? What is your typical approach? Do you need to stand your ground to show your child who is boss? Do you give in to get it over with? Or, are you somewhere in between? Perhaps, power struggles are not our battles to fight and we can confidently not engage through play to save the day. This is what happened to me this week, when I stopped, listened to God, and played during a power struggle with four of my five girls.

Real Life Power Struggle

As I was trying to get all five girls ready to leave the house, only one of the girls would do their hair, my oldest. My youngest was even refusing her morning diaper change.

Many mornings, hair brushing happens without my help, even if it doesn’t look perfect. We have what I call “Wild Wendling Women Hair” frequently. But brushes have at least touched their heads.

This morning, it was as if the brushes were cacti and they would not touch them or let me get close to them with the brush.

Pausing to Listen to God

I could feel myself getting frustrated. My youngest was literally running from me when I was nowhere even near the brush. I knew this was not going in the right direction, so I paused.

I needed the help of the Holy Spirit just to brush my daughters’ hair. Grooming is not something that should take supernatural intervention but this morning it was.

I prayed and I listened. I knew I needed to be playful. Then I remembered an Instagram post I had seen earlier that week about hair salons.

I took a deep breath and I decided to get playful.

Play Saves the Day

I began speaking in an awful French accent and opened Madame Mama’s Salon.

Each girl raced for an appointment in the salon chair with giggles and repetition of the few French words I remember from college.

Instead of chasing the girls around with a brush or yelling at them into submission, we connected and laughed. My oldest, 11, even wanted me to brush her hair although she has been doing her own hair for a couple of years.

My youngest daughter got the premium diaper spa upgrade and giggled through her diaper change with comments about my funny voice.

So, the next time hygiene causes power struggles, turn to play and enjoy the connection with your kids.

Does It Work Every Time?

No, the salon game doesn’t work every time. My youngest has decided my French accent is weird and doesn’t like it anymore.

Play doesn’t work everytime either, but it works way more often the fighting back and trying to win. Plus, what does my refusing to back down model to my kids? That they shouldn’t back down and then we just get stuck in a power struggle again.

It may not work every time, but it worked this time and it felt so much better than engaging in the power struggle.

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Relationships and Religion

About Joy Wendling, MA

Enthusiastic. Passionate. Profound. Joy Wendling is a family pastor, writer, speaker, podcaster, certified parent coach, and founder of Created to Play. She has over 20 years of experience in children, youth, and family ministry, as well as a Master’s in Youth, Family, and Culture from Fuller Theological Seminary. She also is certified in Connected Families Parent Coaching and Parenting for Faith. Her idea of relaxing is gazing at the mountains from her island home with an ice-cold Diet Coke and a good book. Joy lives in the Pacific Northwest and enjoys laughing and playing with her five daughters and husband. Get to know her better at CreatedtoPlay.com and on her podcast titled Playfully Faithful Parenting. You can read more about the author here.

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