Who Should Be In Our Circles? On Minors, Children, and People Who Don’t Want to Be in Ritual

Last updated on: March 2, 2017 at 10:22 pm by Jason Mankey

Who Should Be In Our Circles? On Minors, Children, and People Who Don’t Want to Be in Ritual 2017-03-02T22:22:26-07:00 Jason Mankey

LOGO Patheos Explore the world's faith through different perspectives on religion and spirituality! Patheos has the views of the prevalent religions and spiritualities of the world.

The issue of children in Pagan spaces has always been a difficult one for me. I have been in rituals where kids have been the priority, and I have been in rituals where minors should most certainly not have been. How we view children in our sacred spaces is a very personal one.

About ten years ago my then local Pagan community nearly fell apart over the issue of children in the circle. Many of our friends were having kids, and of course they wanted their flesh and blood at the big events that were a part of our calendar year. One of the individuals who hosted our annual Beltane bash didn’t think that kids should be at a Beltane event. Long story short, there were hurt feelings, misunderstandings, and wounds that have probably not completely healed many years later.

Early 20th Century Halloween Postcard. Public Domain image.

As a person who primarily works in a coven structure these days, it’s not an issue I have to deal with very often. Our rituals are not open to just anybody, to be in our circle you have to be a member of the coven. All members of our coven have to be at least 21 years of age. Some of that’s because we serve alcohol, but there’s more to it than just that.

Many years ago while helping to run a Pagan student group at Michigan State University there were a few people in our orbit who liked to call me a “cult leader.” To my knowledge there has never been a cult of Jason and I have never tried to start one, but the accusation stung and I have been cognizant about such rumors ever since. I would hate for a seeker to enter our circle and have their free will doubted by gossip-mongers on the outside. None of this in an indictment of 18, 19, or 20 year olds-I know many people of that age who are far more mature than I am, it’s more a reflection on the world we live in and the rumor mill that often takes on a life of it own.

Our primary coven does host two open circles a year, and those are always open to the children of coven members. Often this adds an extra layer of energy to our rituals, because the only young people there are generally ones that want to be there, and their excitement is obvious. For some of them it’s their first “coven” ritual and they enjoy the pomp and circumstance of it all.

When it comes to kids and ritual the most important thing is do they want to be there? If they do they are probably attentive and well behaved, and their individual energy probably adds greatly to whatever work is being done. But I think we’ve all been in ritual with kids who would much rather be playing on their phones or hanging out with their friends. If someone, regardless of age, doesn’t want to be in circle, they shouldn’t be in circle.

In a coven situation I’m engaging in ritual with a sense of “perfect love and perfect trust” (at least ideally). In an eclectic circle I don’t expect quite that level of commitment, but I do hope that at least everyone there is a part of the ritual because they want to be a part of it. If a kid (or a girlfriend or a boyfriend) don’t want to be a part of the proceedings the rest of us are going to be able to feel it. And such circumstances aren’t fair to them, or the people you are circling with.

With both John and Gwion writing articles about this over the last 24 hours I’ve read a lot of Facebook comments and the like on this issue. One comment I’ve seen a few times is “if we don’t have children in ritual, how will they learn about Paganism?” There are lots of answers there, but I certainly didn’t have parents who took me to ritual, I got here on my own, and so did a lot of other people. I absolutely hated (Christian) church on many a Sunday morning, why would we want to put our own kids through something similar?

But there are also times when I want to throw nearly everything I’ve written here out the window. Sometimes, when our communities come together to celebrate a big sabbat or something, we just want everybody together. That might mean 40 people around the maypole from ages 4 to 84, or a big chaotic ritual full of crying babies and disinterested adolescents, sometimes we just put up with all of those things to be a part of a family and an extended community. There are no easy answers and ultimately every group has to figure out what works best for them.

Previous Post

February 27, 2017

Into and Around the Witch-Cult

Next Post

March 6, 2017 Into the Coven: Five Essential Coven Tips

Browse Our Archives

Select a Category Editorializing Gateways to Paganism Guest Posts Holiday Histories Led Zeppelin News and Views Occult Pagan Pagan TV Club Paganism polytheism Ramble On Reviews Ritual Strange Days Uncategorized

Select a Month August 2026 March 2026 February 2026 November 2025 September 2025 August 2025 April 2025 August 2024 April 2024 February 2024 December 2023 October 2023 August 2023 June 2023 May 2023 January 2023 October 2022 August 2022 July 2022 June 2022 May 2022 April 2022 March 2022 February 2022 January 2022 December 2021 November 2021 October 2021 September 2021 August 2021 July 2021 June 2021 April 2021 March 2021 February 2021 January 2021 December 2020 November 2020 October 2020 August 2020 July 2020 June 2020 May 2020 April 2020 March 2020 February 2020 January 2020 December 2019 November 2019 October 2019 September 2019 August 2019 July 2019 June 2019 May 2019 April 2019 March 2019 February 2019 January 2019 December 2018 November 2018 October 2018 September 2018 August 2018 July 2018 June 2018 May 2018 April 2018 March 2018 February 2018 January 2018 December 2017 November 2017 October 2017 September 2017 August 2017 July 2017 June 2017 May 2017 April 2017 March 2017 February 2017 January 2017 December 2016 November 2016 October 2016 September 2016 August 2016 July 2016 June 2016 May 2016 April 2016 March 2016 February 2016 January 2016 December 2015 November 2015 October 2015 September 2015 August 2015 July 2015 June 2015 May 2015 April 2015 March 2015 February 2015 January 2015 December 2014 November 2014 October 2014 September 2014 August 2014 July 2014 June 2014 May 2014 April 2014 March 2014 February 2014 January 2014 December 2013 November 2013 October 2013 September 2013 August 2013 July 2013 June 2013 May 2013 April 2013 March 2013 February 2013 January 2013 December 2012 November 2012 October 2012 September 2012 August 2012 July 2012 June 2012 April 2012 October 2011 September 2011 August 2011

TAKE THE

Religious Wisdom Quiz

What was Barnabas' original name?

Select your answer to see how you score.

Joseph Silas Mark Timothy