False Outrage: Witches in Government, Ouija Boards, and Millennials

Last updated on: September 29, 2016 at 9:58 pm by Jason Mankey

False Outrage: Witches in Government, Ouija Boards, and Millennials 2016-09-29T21:58:29-06:00 Jason Mankey

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The three things in the header above have nothing in common, except they are all examples of false outrage. What is false outrage? It’s when a bunch of people get their undies all tied up in knots because they think an inconsequential thing is worth being outraged about.

False outrage has always been an effective political tool, and even more so today in the age of social media. All one has to do is repeat a word over and over again all of a sudden you’ve got a scandal! Alternatively, all you have to do is share a stupid petition and all of a sudden the entire Christian world is out to get us.

I think these days that people so want to be outraged, that they often overlook obvious satire. Just today I found someone outraged over this post from Millennials of New York on Facebook:

“The debates are tonight. God, I can’t believe it’s come to this. Seriously, both candidates just suck so bad. On the one hand you have Donald Trump, who said all Muslims should be banned from entering this country, encourages violence at his rallies, openly praises Saddam Hussein, suggests we kill the families of terrorists, and has the public support of Vladimir Putin, Kim Jong-un, the KKK, and 0% of black people. On the other hand you have Hillary, who, just, like, I dunno, fucking sucks. The emails. And she had pneumonia. They’re equally the WORST.”

The bar for humanity is so low today that it’s easy to mistake this for a genuine take on Hillary/Donald, but Millennials of New York is clearly satire. Just a few days before sharing the above post the site posted this:

“Honestly, I’m sick of all this fucking celebrity worship. Who gives a shit that two extremely famous people that I don’t even know are getting divorced? It’s so dumb to get so caught up in that crap. And anyway, Jennifer Anniston is the real victim here. She watched Angelina steal Brad away from her, and then the marriage doesn’t even work? That’s a slap in the face. Like, if ANGELINA had just kept out of things, I bet Brad and Jennifer would still be together today. That was true love. Everyone could see it. God, I hate Angelina SO FUCKING MUCH! TOMB RAIDER SUCKED! SHIT! Anyway, it’s pathetic that some people actually care about this stuff. Like, get a life.”

I don’t know if the “Uptown Baptist Church B&G” promoting a petition to: “Mandate 18+ Age requirement for Sale or Use of Ouija and Spirit Talking Boards” is meant to be satire, but even if it’s not, only six (after an edit I see they are up to nine!) people have signed the petition thus far. Six people! We are talking about a revolution here. (There is an actual Uptown Baptist Church in Chicago, though I don’t know for sure that they are the ones who submitted the petition.) And one of the signers is “Dark Lord Satan” so it’s obvious that all involved are taking this pretty seriously.

“Spirit Board” at Change.org

The image on the petition site is so absurd that I’m leaning towards satire here, though that hasn’t stopped a few of my well meaning Pagan friends from being upset about it. By sharing these sorts of stupid outrages we probably draw more attention to them than we would have if had we just left them alone. As long as you don’t needlessly worry about it it’s kind of fun to read. My Ouija Board loving self finds it pretty hilarious, and I’m certainly not upset by it.

The Ouija Board and Spirit Talking Boards allow our children and young adults access to demonic forces without awareness of the danger. By requiring a warning label the Sale and use of Ouija Boards we will limit the danger of satanic influences, possessions and behavioral changes created by these boards. As Christians, we have a duty to preserve our children from the forces that would corrupt them. If we put a warning label on the Ouija Board, we will be able to preserve. pray and protect so many lost souls from falling into demonic influence. Let us ask our Lawmakers today to put a warning label on Ouija Boards in order to protect future generations of American children and teens from demonic threats.

Jim Bakker is a disgraced preacher whose heyday was back in the 1980’s. After a few years in jail during the early 1990’s he returned to his televangelist pulpit, operating generally in obscurity. But every once in awhile he or one of his guests says something so stupid that his name turns up again in social media.

This time it was during an interview with former Army Lt.Robert Maginnis who made a ridiculous comment about demons and witches:

“I know that there’s demonic forces in that city (Washington DC). I have personally met people that refer to themselves as witches, people that say they advise the senior leadership of the country.”

This was reported as “Republicans Obsessed with Idea Witches Are Running Our Country – Yes, Really” because obscure douchebags on obscure shows speak for the entire Republican Party. There are lots of reasons some of us don’t like Republicans, but I don’t think most (if any) Republicans are obsessed with Witches running the government. And no amount of education or interfaith is going to change the minds of someone visiting the Jim Bakker show, that guy was broken long ago.

Besides, if that dude thinks we witches have that sort of influence, let him continue to think so. I think we can handle it, it’s certainly better than another stupid politician or preacher talking about the encroachment of Sharia Law. (Which as you all know is not a thing happening in the United States.)

Before getting mad or outraged about something, make sure it’s something worth getting upset about. There’s plenty wrong with this world, let’s channel our energy into being outraged at the things that actually matter.

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