Buddhist Catholic Contemplative Evangelical General Christian Hindu Jewish Latter-day Saint Muslim New Visions Progressive Christian

Beliefs

Topics

Columnists

Resource Library

Research Tools

Video

Podcasts

Thought Readers

Faith In Media Tracker

Newsletters

Ad-Free & Subscriber Log-In Subscription Support

Follow Patheos

Home
Pagan
Deconstructing Stupid: Dumb Responses to the End of DOMA

Deconstructing Stupid: Dumb Responses to the End of DOMA

Last updated on: June 28, 2013 at 10:19 am by Jason Mankey

Deconstructing Stupid: Dumb Responses to the End of DOMA 2013-06-28T10:19:34-06:00 Jason Mankey

LOGO Patheos Explore the world's faith through different perspectives on religion and spirituality! Patheos has the views of the prevalent religions and spiritualities of the world.

I like to keep my posts squarely in the Pagan sphere, but there are times my inner snark just becomes too much to bear. Today has been a huge step forward for equality and civil rights. Politics in the United States are often round after round of disappointment, but today there was mostly joy. Sure, we have many more battles ahead of us to realize full marriage equality on a nationwide level, but we took major strides today.

The majority of my friends are ecstatic about today’s Supreme Court decisions, and I’m willing to bet a majority of Americans are too. Sadly there is still a very loud minority in this country who have been busy all day saying stupid horrible thing after stupid horrible thing. I’ve never been a huge fan of Twitter, but it’s great for knee jerk reactions from people who tend to have diarrhea of the mouth. I thought I’d take some of those comments from Twitter and other sources, refute the stupid, and just have a little fun with ignorance. Enjoy!

From the Twitter Feed of Former Arkansas Governor Mike Huckabee:

“My thoughts on the SCOTUS ruling that determined that same sex marriage is okay: ‘Jesus wept.'”

“5 people in robes said they are bigger than the voters of CA and Congress combined.And bigger than God.May He forgive us all.”

Jesus and the early gospel writers who wrote down his message were often so worked up about gay marriage that Jesus himself spoke out against it exactly zero times in the New Testament. Jesus might have wept today, but probably because he and Lazarus don’t have to hide their affections for each other in a cave anymore.

If you bothered to read through Justice Kennedy’s ruling that repealed the Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA) the best part is most certainly when the Justice writes “We are making this ruling because we think we are bigger than Jehovah God. Hell, we might even be bigger than the Beatles, time will tell.” It was an extremely moving moment in the ruling and Governor Huckabee captured it accurately. (Word Press really needs an eye roll emoticon.)

Soon to be gone from the national stage Congresswoman Michelle Bachmann (Minnesota) shared these gems via a press release:

“For thousands of years of recorded human history, no society has defended the legal standard of marriage as anything other than between man and woman. Only since 2000 have we seen a redefinition of this foundational unit of society in various nations.

“What the Court has done will undermine the best interest of children and the best interests of the United States.”

This is what annoys me the most about right wing doofuses like Bachmann. There is a clear difference between what goes on in your church and what goes on in a court room or IRS office. If a church wants to be behind the tide of history they can certainly do that. Not all marriages are sanctified by the Holy Gay-Hating Yahweh of Michelle Bachmann. In my house marriage was created by my wife and I, made legal by the state, and then blessed whole-heartedly by the gods Pan and Aphrodite. Churches choose to recognize (and not recognize) marriages and divorces all the time. Treating gays and lesbians as first class citizens doesn’t change a damned thing in your pea-brained church.

I’m with Michelle on this one, nothing frightens me more than a child with two loving parents. Those kids are doomed I tell you, doomed!

Oh, and Michelle, King Solomon had over 700 wives and 300 concubines. King David had at least seven wives. My favorite non-sensical Bible story that craps all over Bachmann’s stupid is probably this one:

“Then Judah said to Onan, ‘Go in to your brother’s wife and perform the duty of a brother-in-law to her; raise up offspring for your brother.’ But since Onan knew that the offspring would not be his, he spilled his semen on the ground whenever he went in to see his brother’s wife, so that he would not give offspring to his brother. What he did was displeasing in the sight of the Lord, and he put him to death also.” (Genesis 38: 8-10)

Yeah, that’s in there.

The National Organization for Marriage had these vomit-riddled comments (I actually feel bad putting vomit in the same category as this group):

“The National Organization for Marriage (NOM) today expressed dismay and outrage at the US Supreme Court’s actions to dismiss Proposition 8 on procedural grounds, and for invalidating a key element of the federal Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA). The group called the decision “illegitimate” and that it will be rejected by tens of millions of Americans, and demanded that Congress continue to protect the right of states to reject same-sex marriages performed in other states or countries.”

“There is a stench coming from this case that has now stained the Supreme Court. They’ve allowed corrupt politicians and judges to betray the voters, rewarding them for their betrayal. It’s an illegitimate decision. We and millions of other Americans will refuse to accept this rogue decision rewarding corruption.” -President of NOM Brian Brown

How does one reject a ruling that doesn’t affect them in any way? You can deny all you want that your neighbors Steve and Doug are a married gay couple, but they are. Perhaps NOM has plans to infiltrate the homes of gay couples whose marriages are recognized by their respective states and then steal their tax returns? Maybe Brian Brown will refuse to invite the lesbians down the street to prayer meetings? What horse-crap. You are free to “reject” whatever you want, doesn’t mean it’s not happening though.

What really scares me about some of these clowns is that they sound mighty close to treason. “Americans will refuse to accept this rogue decision.” Are you advocating violence? Perhaps a rebellion? What a proud Patriot you are!

Texas Senator Ted Cruz:

“The family is the fundamental building block of society, and I strongly support traditional marriage between one man and one woman. The voters of California made that same choice, until the courts improperly substituted their preferences for those of the people.

“Our Federalism allows different states to make different policy judgments based on the values and mores of their citizens. Federal courts should respect that diversity and uphold that popular sovereignty, not impose their own policy agenda.”

The “family” argument is one of the biggest red herrings in the whole gay marriage debate. Are you going to ban old people from getting married? What about a woman who had to have a hysterectomy for medical reasons. Is she denied marriage too? The California citizens thing is bullcrap too. Nearly 60% of Californians are now in favor of gay marriage. Besides, Prop 8 was designed to confuse from the very get go. It was a bad piece of law and it was thrown out by the courts. Sorry Teddy, you don’t always get what you want, and you can’t take rights away from people. Now go slink into whatever slime-hole you crawled out of and let the grown-ups talk.

The problem with “state by state” gay marriage is that there are certain rights granted to couples at a federal level. No one should be penalized for living in Alabama, they are penalized enough. Perhaps we should pass a law out here in California to not allow troglodytes who believe the Earth is only 8000 years to get married. We probably have the votes in Sacramento, but that’s not how we roll.

The Family Research Council:

“Time is not on the side of those seeking to create same-sex ‘marriage.’ As the American people are given time to experience the actual consequences of redefining marriage, the public debate and opposition to the redefinition of natural marriage will undoubtedly intensify.”

No one is “creating” same-sex marriage (and the fact that you put it in quotes means you are some real butt-wipes), it’s something that exists because two people have chosen to love each other. Same sex marriage has been around for millennia, we’ve just finally chosen as a society to not be assholes about it anymore. What are the “actual consequences of redefining marriage” anyway? Well kept lawns? Couples that accessorize better than my wife and I? Your marriages have not changed because someone else was allowed to get married. Dawn and April moving in next to you with a piece of paper acknowledging their committment to one another is not the equivalent of having Freddy Krueger as a neighbor. Indeed, they would have moved into that house anyways. It doesn’t change anything. The only “consequence” of gay marriage is that it means more love in the world.

You guys know that you are on the wrong side of history too, right? 55% of Americans are now in favor of gay marriage, and that number is only going to continue to grow. Once people realize that groups like yours are feeding them garbage, support for gay marriage will only increase. Family Research Council, I’ve got something for you to research, it’s called finding your head in your ass.

That’s about all I can stand. The enemies of tolerance have lost this battle, and are destined to lose this war, but they aren’t going away anytime soon. Stand up for equality and stand with your brothers and sisters until marriage equality is reached throughout this great nation (and world!). While this post mostly picked on Republicans, there were many in the GOP and in various libertarian movements who stood on the side of equality today. To those brave souls bucking the establishment we say thank you.

Uncategorized

Previous Post

June 25, 2013

Remembering Why I am a Pagan

Next Post

July 1, 2013 American Civil Religion

Browse Our Archives

Select a Category Editorializing Gateways to Paganism Guest Posts Holiday Histories Led Zeppelin News and Views Occult Pagan Pagan TV Club Paganism polytheism Ramble On Reviews Ritual Strange Days Uncategorized

Select a Month August 2026 March 2026 February 2026 November 2025 September 2025 August 2025 April 2025 August 2024 April 2024 February 2024 December 2023 October 2023 August 2023 June 2023 May 2023 January 2023 October 2022 August 2022 July 2022 June 2022 May 2022 April 2022 March 2022 February 2022 January 2022 December 2021 November 2021 October 2021 September 2021 August 2021 July 2021 June 2021 April 2021 March 2021 February 2021 January 2021 December 2020 November 2020 October 2020 August 2020 July 2020 June 2020 May 2020 April 2020 March 2020 February 2020 January 2020 December 2019 November 2019 October 2019 September 2019 August 2019 July 2019 June 2019 May 2019 April 2019 March 2019 February 2019 January 2019 December 2018 November 2018 October 2018 September 2018 August 2018 July 2018 June 2018 May 2018 April 2018 March 2018 February 2018 January 2018 December 2017 November 2017 October 2017 September 2017 August 2017 July 2017 June 2017 May 2017 April 2017 March 2017 February 2017 January 2017 December 2016 November 2016 October 2016 September 2016 August 2016 July 2016 June 2016 May 2016 April 2016 March 2016 February 2016 January 2016 December 2015 November 2015 October 2015 September 2015 August 2015 July 2015 June 2015 May 2015 April 2015 March 2015 February 2015 January 2015 December 2014 November 2014 October 2014 September 2014 August 2014 July 2014 June 2014 May 2014 April 2014 March 2014 February 2014 January 2014 December 2013 November 2013 October 2013 September 2013 August 2013 July 2013 June 2013 May 2013 April 2013 March 2013 February 2013 January 2013 December 2012 November 2012 October 2012 September 2012 August 2012 July 2012 June 2012 April 2012 October 2011 September 2011 August 2011

TAKE THE

Religious Wisdom Quiz

What is the number of the beast in Revelation?

Select your answer to see how you score.

1000 777 666 144