The Importance of Self Care

Last updated on: February 14, 2015 at 2:50 pm by Molly Khan

The Importance of Self Care 2015-02-14T14:50:35-05:00 Molly Khan

LOGO Patheos Explore the world's faith through different perspectives on religion and spirituality! Patheos has the views of the prevalent religions and spiritualities of the world.

photo courtesy of shutterstock

When my first daughter was born, everything was pretty great. My family and my husband’s family were incredibly helpful, my husband stayed home for two months and I didn’t go back to work until my daughter was four months old. She had some difficulty picking up nursing, but eventually got the knack of it, and we went about our lives as a happy little three-person family. It was easy to sit down after she went to bed and make time to watch a movie or read a book, and this was exactly what I needed: some time to myself to do the things that soothe my soul.

It was an entirely different story the second time around. My second daughter was born premature and had to stay in the NICU for longer than anticipated. My husband was almost completely unavailable, and family wasn’t too concerned because “I’d done it all before”. The nurses told me I had to pump breastmilk every three hours if I ever wanted my little one to nurse, I was practically the sole caregiver to my two year old, and I felt compelled to spend as much time as I could at the hospital but was afraid to even touch my little girl. Sleeping in two hour stretches is hard at any time, but having just given birth and chasing after a toddler all day? Not a good mix. It’s no surprise that I developed a pretty severe case of post-partum depression.

Nothing could have fixed that situation. It was awful, and there wasn’t really anything I could concretely do about it. The things that I could do – provide breastmilk, care for my older child, cook meals – I did with such extreme overreach that it absolutely exhausted me. Instead of taking the time to care for myself in a difficult situation, I made an effort to care for everyone else better while completely ignoring my own needs. It’s certainly not the only reason I became depressed – but it was absolutely a contributing factor.

I tell this story because I see it so often among other parents and caregivers. Even if it’s not so extreme, it is still a big problem – and the longer it goes on the further it can spiral out of control. And as much as some would like to deny, it’s absolutely a problem for Pagans, too. A large part of Pagan culture encourages self-indulgence and self-care in a way that other religions don’t, and I’m so very appreciative of that; but there are also values in our community that discourage it. In a religion that’s often run in houses and lead by one person putting in a lot of effort, it can be so easy for the person in charge of everything to completely burn out.

Many parents and caregivers in the Pagan community hold themselves to very high standards when it comes to their children. Cooking all-natural, organic meals every night (and actually getting kids to eat them!) is a tall order for a busy parent, and yet so many start to feel inadequate if they can’t accomplish it. I had a friend years ago who felt like an awful parent because her toddler wouldn’t eat kale! Personally, I felt so guilty every time I turned on a movie so my toddler would let me nap for an hour in peace that it wasn’t even worth it. Our spirituality encourages a natural approach to life – but parents shouldn’t feel guilty for taking advantage of modern conveniences when they make life happier.

Learning how to take time out for ourselves – whether that means limiting ritual hosting to four times a year, or accepting that it’s okay to let a toddler cry for a few minutes while you rinse the shampoo out of your hair – is an essential part of being healthy, happy human beings. As the old adage “do as I say, not as I do” so effortlessly encapsulates, the best way that children learn is by example. If we can show them how we take care of ourselves, they might just pick it up along the way.

Previous Post

February 11, 2015

2 Mama Essays and 2 Pregnancy Prayers + 1 Roadmap To a Healthy Birth

Next Post

February 18, 2015 When Kids Meet the Gods

Browse Our Archives

Select a Category abortion Adoption birth Birth Guardians birth stories breastfeeding Contraception divorce Flash Points From the Editor's Desk grandparenting home infertility marriage menstruation Miscarriage Pagan Families Parenting poetry postpartum pregnancy review ritual sex education Uncategorized Wednesday Wisdom

Select a Month September 2015 August 2015 July 2015 June 2015 May 2015 April 2015 March 2015 February 2015 January 2015 December 2014 November 2014 October 2014 September 2014 August 2014 July 2014 June 2014 May 2014 April 2014 March 2014 February 2014 January 2014 December 2013 November 2013 October 2013 September 2013 August 2013 July 2013 June 2013 May 2013 April 2013 March 2013 February 2013 January 2013 December 2012 November 2012 October 2012 September 2012 August 2012 July 2012 June 2012 May 2012 April 2012 March 2012 February 2012 January 2012 December 2011 November 2011 October 2011 September 2011 August 2011 July 2011 June 2011 May 2011

TAKE THE

Religious Wisdom Quiz

How many Psalms are attributed to David?

Select your answer to see how you score.

73 50 40 100