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Chapter 6, Elena: The Quest for Peaceful Connection

Chapter 6, Elena: The Quest for Peaceful Connection

Last updated on: September 15, 2026 at 1:01 am by Dorian Scott Cole

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Chapter 6, Elena: The Quest for Peaceful Connection 2026-09-13T12:51:05-06:00 Dorian Scott Cole

LOGO Patheos Explore the world's faith through different perspectives on religion and spirituality! Patheos has the views of the prevalent religions and spiritualities of the world.

Open and Relational Theology & Social Psychology

About this series: This series is intended to help individuals who have hit an obstacle in their spiritual journey and feel that a shift in their spiritual life is necessary. It is intentionally inclusive and applicable across all faiths, personal beliefs, spirituality, or non-religious perspectives.

This resource is not diagnostic, prescriptive, directive, or therapeutic. Rather, you may find concepts that resonate with you, meditations that prove helpful, and insights to spark your spiritual growth. You are encouraged to approach this material prayerfully.

If you find yourself unable to resolve your challenges or move forward, professional counseling is strongly recommended. Catholics may want to speak with their priest or spiritual director. Others may want to see their pastor or religious leader. Those of all faiths may benefit from a counselor in psychology, or may find help moving forward with a life coach.

Spiritual growth deeply intersects with personal and social psychology. The author, Dorian, is a former pastor with university training across multiple disciplines.

If you are new to this spiritual counseling series, you can begin your journey with Chapter 1: Help, I’m Spiritually Burned Out. Or if you are new to spiritual things and agnostic to religion, follow Elena’s journey in Chapter 2: The Quest for “Does God Talk?”

Additional information on spiritual counseling may be found at Dorian’s Website: Spiritual Counseling.

If you are new to this spiritual counseling series, you can begin the quest with Chapter 1: Help, I’m burned out.

▶ The 60-Second Read
Chapter 6: The Quest for Peace

Transactional vs. Relational Wisdom: We often treat relationships like vending machines, expecting a direct reward for our kindness. Spiritual wisdom teaches that kindness to those who hurt us isn’t a transaction. Instead, it stops the escalation of pain and leaves toxic people to face their own behavior.
The Power of an Affirming Presence: True healing requires a non-judgmental, accepting atmosphere. You don’t have to be perfect; a healthy community tolerates your “jerk” days and celebrates your good ones without holding grudges.
The Action Step: When unconditional kindness feels “too good to be true,” the next step is to cautiously test the waters. Attend a low-pressure, safe community gathering without the expectation of performing or committing, and simply observe how it feels to be treated well.

Counseling Office. Gemini Generated Image

Chapter 6: Elena: The Quest for Peaceful Connection

Elena entered Thomas’s office with a look of unsettled bewilderment. She sat down and let out an exasperated sigh, shattering the tranquility of the room. The owl on the wall was unmoved.

She began immediately. “Last week I burned all the way home. I actively hated you.”

“Yet you came back,” Thomas said with a twinkle in his eye. “What was it that drew you back?”

Elena shook slightly at remembering her journey. “The idea of being kind to my ex-boyfriend! That! That really burned. Why be kind to people who aren’t kind to me?”

Thomas smiled, nodded, and let her continue.

“Don’t just nod at me like a bobblehead. I’m serious. I want to know.”

Thomas stopped nodding, suppressing a smile. “That is something you have to learn from experience. It may be a while before you’re ready for that type of experience. It helps to be around people who can extend their kindness and love to you first.”

“So…” Her voice trailed off as she thought about it. “It’s a trap,” she said matter-of-factly. “I get nothing out of it.”

“It probably seems that way. It’s not transactional. It’s wisdom.”

“What do you mean by transactional?”

“In transactions, people give something to get something. You give a dollar to get a soft drink from a machine.”

“You’re behind the times. It’s more like two dollars.”

Thomas smiled. It broke the ice a little. “Wisdom is a different perspective. It realizes that kindness to those who hurt you stops the escalation of hurts and can heal wounds.”

“Yeah, well, my ex-boyfriend doesn’t benefit from kindness. All he does is take.”

“He lost you, so that’s part of a learning experience for him. He apparently needs that. But if you’re mean to him, then he can blame you instead of dealing with the real experience of driving people away.”

She looked at him as if searching for greater understanding, then finally said, “I guess you have a point. Because everything with him was either a transaction or getting it for free. So now he knows that’s what mistreating me got him. I kind of get it.”

She smiled warmly at him. “The reason I came back is you mentioned a community of people who might be nice to me. I noticed during our discussions how nice you are to me. I want what you have. It’s kind of good, you know.”

Thomas smiled. “I couldn’t hope for a better outcome for you.”

“But sometimes I’m a jerk. Will they throw me out?”

Thomas laughed. “I can be a jerk, too. We tolerate each other. Everyone has good days and bad days. We don’t hold it against each other, and we celebrate the good days.”

“I wish I had good days.” Her countenance fell, and she looked up at the picture of the animals in the woods. That seemed to soothe her a little.

“Sometimes it’s difficult to see the good. And sometimes we need to change ourselves, such as having fewer days when you react like a jerk, not that you do—but it changes your perspective.”

Her eyes left the picture and looked inquiringly at him. “Is that a promise? If I don’t be a jerk, I’ll have better days?”

“That’s a transaction. So, no promise. But it does work.”

She looked uneasy, like someone about to put a large down payment on something that could be wonderful or a curse.

“Do you still have the card with the woman’s name on it that I gave you last week?”

She felt around in her jeans pocket, fished it out her cell phone and the card, and displayed it for him. “I forgot I had it.”

“No pressure. But if I’m reading you correctly, you want connection with others who will treat you well and not pressure you into some kind of religion. Is that right?”

“Kind of like a rose without the thorns? You got it.”

“My sense is this group will do that for you. And I know the woman well whose name is on that card. She will take care of you and not be forceful about anything. It’s like a smorgasbord. You take what you want. We’re about giving without expecting anything in return. Would that work?”

She laughed. “Sounds too good to be true. I know friends. They’re all… you know… transactional. Free beer. Free sex. Free food. Gimme, gimme, gimme.”

“These people are, too. They want the best for you and to see you become happier. Is that a bad transaction?”

She nodded. “Okay, I’m going to go. But if this is everyone telling their troubles like a therapy group, I’m leaving. And about this Jesus stuff, I like him… I think… seems like an okay guy. But I hear so much crap from religious people, not like your talk… I don’t know. I…”

“I understand. Is there anything else you would like to talk about?”

She shook her head and rose to leave.

“I’m very happy you came today. Please keep up the meditations even if they don’t seem to help sometimes.”

▶ A Gentle Reminder
The Intimacy of an Ekklesia vs. Traditional Church

If you have ever felt lost or invisible in a religious setting, it helps to understand the difference in scale and purpose between environments:

The Reality of Large Congregations: In most traditional, larger church services, very few people actively reach out to others. Because of the structure and crowd size, it can take a long time just to become known, let alone understood. They generally depend on small groups for more friendly environments.
The Scale of Ekklesia: An Ekklesia (a Jesus gathering) operates differently. It is specifically designed for smaller groups—usually between 10 to 30 people.
A Friendly Environment: Because it is much more intimate than a Sunday service, an Ekklesia is built for authentic connection rather than performance. It provides a safer, closer space where relationships can develop naturally and you can be met with the affirming presence you actually need.

Next: Marcus’ next session.

Our answer is God. God’s answer is us. Together we make the world better.

Author’s Website with life and spiritual resources: Dorian Scott Cole .com