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Chapter 5: The Quest for the Turning Point

Chapter 5: The Quest for the Turning Point

Last updated on: September 7, 2026 at 1:01 am by Dorian Scott Cole

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Chapter 5: The Quest for the Turning Point 2026-08-31T08:16:28-06:00 Dorian Scott Cole

LOGO Patheos Explore the world's faith through different perspectives on religion and spirituality! Patheos has the views of the prevalent religions and spiritualities of the world.

Open and Relational Theology & Social Psychology

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About this series: This series is intended to help individuals who have hit an obstacle in their spiritual journey and feel that a shift in their spiritual life is necessary. It is intentionally inclusive and applicable across all faiths, personal beliefs, spirituality, or non-religious perspectives.

This resource is not diagnostic, prescriptive, directive, or therapeutic. Rather, you may find concepts that resonate with you, meditations that prove helpful, and insights to spark your spiritual growth. You are encouraged to approach this material prayerfully.

If you find yourself unable to resolve your challenges or move forward, professional counseling is strongly recommended. Catholics may want to speak with their priest or spiritual director. Others may want to see their pastor or religious leader. Those of all faiths may benefit from a counselor in psychology, or may find help moving forward with a life coach.

Spiritual growth deeply intersects with personal and social psychology. The author, Dorian, is a former pastor with university training across multiple disciplines.

Additional information on spiritual counseling can be found on Dorian’s Website.

If you are new to this spiritual counseling series, you can begin your journey with Chapter 1: Help, I’m Spiritually Burned Out.

Additional information on spiritual counseling may be found at Dorian’s Website: Spiritual Counseling.

If you are new to this spiritual counseling series, you can begin the quest with Chapter 1: Help, I’m burned out. Or if you are new to spiritual things and agnostic to religion, follow Elena’s journey in Chapter 2: The Quest for “Does God Talk?”

The 60-Second Read
Chapter 5: The Quest for the Turning Point

The Core Shift: Self-sacrifice becomes toxic when we exhaust every resource until we are hollow. Spiritual health requires receiving as well as giving.
The Principle: Jesus taught us to love our neighbor as ourselves, not instead of ourselves. Nurturing your own spiritual growth is stewardship, not selfishness.
The Action Step: Begin exploring new areas of personal curiosity through low-pressure micro-steps, giving yourself permission to learn and discover what restores your soul.

Chapter 5: The Quest for the Turning Point

Marcus entered Thomas’ counseling office with a perplexed look on his face. Thomas was accustomed to this. Personal growth, especially of the spiritual variety, is often a confusing process. Thomas warmly shook Marcus’ hand and motioned for him to sit.

“How did your week go, Marcus?” Thomas asked.

“Uh, I don’t know. I was doing the meditation and I suddenly realized something that made me feel selfish.”

“What was that?”

“I realized … how do I put this ….” Marcus looked up at the owl whose eyes were staring into his, penetrating his soul. “I think about everyone else and their needs. I don’t think about my own. This is confusing. Where am I in this process?”

Thomas nodded in agreement. “Can I rephrase that?” Marcus nodded. “What I think I hear you saying is that you give to others but don’t think about giving to yourself?”

“I guess you could put it that way. I just feel lost in the whole thing.”

“Let me put out another thought. Jesus said to love your neighbor as yourself—not instead of yourself. Does that put things in a new perspective?”

“Well, yes.” Marcus smiled. This had touched him deeply.

“If you exhaust every resource until you’re hollow, you aren’t serving God; you’re just slowly extinguishing the very light God placed inside you.”

“Yeah. I mean, I think that’s how I feel. Not that I want to be selfish. I don’t. What am I missing here?”

“That speaks very well of you that you want to put others first. But here’s something important. We’re all important to God. We all need to receive as well as give. Receiving may just mean time and information to grow with. We all need to set aside time for ourselves. Time to rest. Time to learn. Time to experience. Time to grow. Does this make sense?”

“Yes. And it’s something I don’t do. By the time my days are done, there’s no time left. But isn’t there some wisdom about when you love what you’re doing, time is meaningless?”

“Absolutely. But growth is also something we need to do. And if we don’t, we begin to feel burned out and empty.”

“Like I feel,” he mused to himself.

“I want you to hang onto that, and now begin to think about what area in life you need to grow in. Since that’s a vast area and you can’t perceive it just by thinking about it, experience is the best way of finding out.”

“Okayyyyyy. But I’m not going to take a job as an auto mechanic just to see if I like it.”

Thomas laughed. “I doubt your wife would let you.”

Marcus laughed.

“At this point in your life, small steps exploring new areas would be best. Start reading, exploring, maybe ask to sit in on classes, ask an instructor or teacher to take you under their wing if you find something that resonates with you and fills that empty space and begins to restore your inner vitality. Do you think you could do this?”

“I’ll have to think about it.”

“That should help. So this week I would like you to look on the Internet a lot and explore whatever grabs your attention. By that I mean, give yourself permission to explore topics that spark genuine curiosity, without needing to justify them as church work or anything else. And try different meditations.”

Marcus nodded affirmative.

“I’ll send these meditations to you in a text. But they are the following:

“1. Practice self-care. Put your hand over your heart and pledge to yourself you will also take care of you. And give yourself the same patience and grace you give others. Taking care of yourself is also stewardship.

“2. Then enable a ‘Felt Sense’ of vitality from Eugene Gendlin’s Focusing & Somatic Positive Psychology, which will help you get in touch with your intuition.

“To do this, sit quietly without an agenda. Scan your body from the throat down through the chest and stomach. Ask gently: ‘What does my soul feel hungry for right now?’ Notice whether the sensation feels heavy, constricted, open, or warm. Avoid those things that feel heavy or constricted. Welcome whatever arises without trying to fix or analyze it immediately. Just go with the flow.

“Think about this: Jesus allowed Mary to anoint his feet with an expensive oil. His followers objected thinking this was a waste. But Jesus understood both the need to give and to receive. We need to understand we are valued, not just another cog in the wheel that makes the machine work.

“Appreciate that you are important not just for what you do for others, but because God loves you and wants the best for you, just like you do for your children. You’re also God’s child in loving development.

“Inhale, receive love: Think, ‘May I be spiritually nourished; may I have peace.’ Exhale, release expectations: Think, ‘May I let go of having to carry everything alone.’”

As Marcus left, Thomas felt like they had made concrete progress. It was always wonderful to see people progress.

Next: Elenas’ next session.

Our answer is God. God’s answer is us. Together we make the world better.

Author’s Website with life and spiritual resources: Dorian Scott Cole .com