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Chapter 1: The Quest to End Burned Out, Part 1

Chapter 1: The Quest to End Burned Out, Part 1

Last updated on: August 12, 2026 at 5:48 pm by Dorian Scott Cole

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Chapter 1: The Quest to End Burned Out, Part 1 2026-08-12T17:48:46-06:00 Dorian Scott Cole

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Open and Relational Theology & Social Psychology

Spiritual Counseling Series: Top Twenty Questions

Counseling Office. Gemini Generated Image

About This Series

This series is intended to help individuals who have hit an obstacle in their spiritual journey and feel that a shift in their spiritual life is necessary. It is intentionally inclusive and applicable across all faiths, personal beliefs, spirituality, or non-religious perspectives.

Each segment is told in story format to be illustrative, relatable, and memorable. Other helpful tools will appear as this continues.

This resource is not diagnostic, prescriptive, directive, or therapeutic. Rather, you may find concepts that resonate with you, meditations that prove helpful, and insights to spark your spiritual growth. You are encouraged to approach this material prayerfully.

If you find yourself unable to resolve your challenges or move forward, professional counseling is strongly recommended. Catholics may want to speak with their priest or spiritual director. Others may want to see their pastor or religious leader. Those of all faiths may benefit from a counselor in psychology, or may find help moving forward with a life coach.

Spiritual growth deeply intersects with personal and social psychology. The author, Dorian, is a former pastor with university training across multiple disciplines.

Additional helpful information on spiritual counseling may be found on Dorian’s Website.

If you are new to this spiritual counseling series, you can begin the quest with Chapter 1: Help, I’m burned out.

The 60-Second Read
Chapter 1: Help, I’m Spiritually Burned Out

The Core Problem: Spiritual burnout isn’t a failure of faith or being “out of God’s will.” It’s often a signal that your soul is outputting more energy than it takes in, or that new paths are needed for spiritual growth.
The Root Cause: Conflating church activity and performance with actual spiritual nourishment (Role vs. Soul). And not recognizing spiritual growth and changing needs.
The First Step: A fast from performance can be helpful, practicing self-compassion, and shifting from analytical control to quiet, intuitive, receptive listening.

Chapter 1: The Quest to End Burned Out, Part 1

The waiting room was humble. No receptionist to greet them. It had two dark brown leather easy chairs next to end tables with lamps. A country scene was on the wall. No glaring overhead neon light. A sign on the wall said in handwritten script,

“Please have a seat.
It will soon be your turn.
Some other person is having their time.
If you’re impatient, leave immediately because that will be more satisfying and save us both a lot of effort.”

Another sign banned phones and electronic device use, followed by “QUIET.”

A simple brochure sat on the table. It invited the reader to meditate on some experience, person, or idea that they like to relax them and as a conversation point in the coming session. The walls were a restful forest green color. The room was quiet. A machine in the corner offered hot and cold beverages in packets for the beverage maker, with a waste basket beside it.

In another corner a waterfall tinkled down into a stream that wound into a pond. Two figures were fishing on the shore. The quiet tinkle was the only sound in the room.

Marcus, a thirty-five-year-old man in business casual attire with a developing potbelly (dad bod), sat quietly staring at the waterfall. Elena entered. She was in her mid-twenties and dressed in blue jeans and a soft pink blouse. She sat down, read the signs, chuckled quietly, and picked up the brochure. Her leg shook up and down nervously. Marcus smiled at her.

“Is this your first time?” Marcus asked her.

“Yeah, is it obvious?” she asked. Marcus nodded affirmative.

“I don’t know what to expect. I don’t even know why I’m here. I just saw this ad on a bus waiting stall. It just said, ‘Spiritual Questions?’”

“He isn’t long on words,” Marcus said. “But I’ve heard he doesn’t need to be.”

“I hope he has some answers!” Elena said. “I’m so sick of asking God, ‘Why?’ God never answers.”

“Yeah, God isn’t long on words, either.”

Elena laughed.

“I’m running out of words, too. I’m fried. I just work on and on in the church, and it never ends, and it’s getting meaningless.” He looked at her reaction. “I hope my words aren’t discouraging.”

“No, no. It’s kind of comforting to know I’m not the only one who is burned out on something. You know, I don’t know what to call him. Is he a pastor? A therapist? A spiritual counselor?”

“From what I hear, he’s a bit of all three,” Marcus said. “He doesn’t give you a list of rules to follow. He just helps you figure out why you’re stuck.”

Thomas appeared in the door, greeted them with a comfortable smile, and beckoned for Marcus to enter. The office was similarly appointed. No desk, just side-by-side chairs slightly angled toward each other for convenient conversation. There was another forest scene picture, but with animals. Some were cute. Some were deer or other animals. Another picture was of an owl with a piercing gaze, sitting on a tree branch. The room was quiet. No electronics or sounds. The incandescent light was slightly dimmer than in the waiting room. It was very comfortable and felt relaxing and safe. It was like entering a haven.

Thomas sat in one of the chairs and gently gestured to the other. No clipboard or notebook was in sight. Marcus knew from his previous meeting that this was about being, not recording.

“I’m sorry I had to leave unexpectedly last time.” Marcus pulled his cell phone up slightly. “Family emergency that turned out not to be an emergency.”

Thomas smiled. “It happens to everyone. The miracle is we can get contacted immediately in an emergency. But …” He let the “but” hang in the air like a toy balloon and shrugged. “Where were we? I think you started to explain about being burned out?”

“You know, I love God. His ways. His support. God is my strength when things get difficult. I’m so thankful for all I have. Wife and two children. Good income. And a great church. I should be happy. But I’m just not feeling the motivation to keep working anymore. It’s like it never ends, and it’s starting to seem meaningless.”

“That’s a common experience. I think it might help you to know that it doesn’t mean you’re out of God’s will. Whatever that is. But it can mean a lot of other things.”

Marcus nodded but wondered at this. How could there be many causes?

“Before we talk about what your expectations are from our sessions, I want to get to know you and your situation a bit better, so I’m going to ask some questions and see you think any of them might apply to you.”

Marcus nodded.

Thomas began going through a list of reasons for feeling unfulfilled and burned out. People can work very hard endlessly if they feel fulfilled. It could be from too little, such as too little emotion, motivation, or care. But if they feel burned out, there’s a reason. Some emotional need isn’t being met.

“Sometimes we can do work that we feel is important, even if it’s only for money, but feel overworked. Too much work makes Jack a very dull boy. Know what I mean?”

Marcus nodded and smiled.

“Do you feel overworked? I don’t mean the work is too hard or boring. I mean, there is just too much of it, and you can’t get it done, so you don’t have time for family, relaxation, or other interests. You work full time and serve in the church, right? We’re not slaves.”

Marcus laughed. “Well, it never ends. There is always work to do. You know, I just do what I can. My interest is the church. And we take time off and vacations.”

“Let me probe a bit deeper. Do you have time regularly for recreation? All of us need downtime to re-create ourselves, to absorb our experiences and reflect on them, and to recharge our batteries with diversions.”

“Yep. We actually have a lot of fun at some church activities. And I race model cars on Saturdays. I don’t feel like I’m missing out on anything.”

“One more question about that. Do you feel recharged after doing these things?”

Marcus had to think more deeply. He sighed. “I suppose. I mean, we laugh and have fun. We have friends and they mean a lot to us. We get together, and, you know, by Monday I’m ready to go back to work. I like my work. So I guess if I feel refreshed and ready to go back to work, I must get recharged.”

Thomas nodded and smiled. “Do you feel depressed all the time?”

“Not at all. I’m a happy person,” he replied quickly.

“I kind of got that feeling. Now you might find this next question challenging. Do you feel you are being spiritually fed through your church services? We can be so busy giving of ourselves that our souls never get nourished. We need to be spiritually fed, or we dry up and cease being able to help others. It’s like the airplane emergency mask situation. You supply yourself first, then put masks on others.”

“Yes. No. I don’t know. I enjoy Sunday School and the pastor’s messages. They kind of speak to me, and they’re informational. I mean, isn’t learning things being spiritually fed? And being challenged by the pastor’s sermons?” Thomas thought for a moment and continued.

“Yet, I feel like there’s a growing vacuum in my soul. Something’s missing. But I can’t figure it out because I try hard and I work in the church, giving of myself. Understand what I mean?”

Thomas nodded. “Life can be a major puzzle even when we’re on the right track. But sometimes we need challenges. I love challenges. They help get me up in the morning, those and people who need help, and they are always a challenge. So, are you ready to move to other challenges? Maybe deeper challenges, or just different ones? We burn out sometimes just from sheer repetition and boredom and not being challenged. For me, it’s washing dishes, even if the dishwasher does it. Where’s the challenge in that?”

Marcus laughed. He glanced at the owl whose piercing eyes looked into his soul and put emphasis on the question. He looked confused and rubbed his cheek, deep in thought and slow to answer.

“Uh, I’m not qualified to do anything more. So I don’t think about that much. I don’t have a feeling about that.”

“That’s something to think about. Do you get feedback for the work you do? Do people say thanks or just ignore you? We’re human. We need to see some substantive feedback for our effort. If not, after a while it feels like we are not doing anything and the tasks don’t seem worthwhile.”

“Um, you know, I mean … I’m part of the helping structure of the church. People just expect me to do my job and they keep smiling at me. I think if I didn’t, I would hear about it.”

Thomas laughed. “Yes, that is the way it works. But that’s something to think about. So, what do you expect from your work? Do you have any expectations that aren’t being met? Unmet expectations can lead to disillusionment and burnout.”

“What would I expect? I feel I fulfill a function that is necessary.”

“Well, do you feel unappreciated? If you get no feedback from people who mean something to you, or from authority figures, it may seem dismissive. The human spirit needs affirmation and appreciation.”

“I feel my role is necessary to the church. I mean … that’s all I can say.”

“Then, do you feel part of the church brotherhood? The church is a community, and we need to feel part of a community and brotherhood.”

“I don’t know how to assess that.” He thought for a moment. “I’m accepted.”

“That’s something to think about also. Here’s a deeper question. Do you feel like you’re failing God in some way. Do you think God expects more of you? Or does your wife and family expect more of you?”

“I think I support them well. I mean both their physical and emotional needs. I’m kind of aware of that stuff and try. But about God? I don’t know. Where is this empty space coming from? Is it from God? I mean, I don’t want to be a missionary or something.”

Thomas laughed. “Probably not. You would feel that call. Anyway, here’s another way to look at things. Feeling like everything you do is nothing and always striving for the next big thing to do? Sometimes we feel inadequate and unlovable. Sometimes we drive ourselves relentlessly, never appreciating what we’ve accomplished and going right to the next thing, sometimes to get honor and recognition, yet this isn’t what God asks of us, it’s just us driving ourselves for fame, money, etc., which are illusions, not reality.”

“That was a mouthful. Do you think this applies to me? Because I don’t.”

Thomas patted him on the knee. “I don’t think anything at this point. I’m putting ideas out there to see if any of them resonate. Do they?”

“Yes. No. Maybe all of them. I feel like I’m flying blind. I have no direction to go and no compass to guide me in any direction and no sense that I’m actually moving. I just go through the motions.”

“Your feeling is common, and we’ll get to the bottom of it,” he said reassuringly. “Tell me, is there anyone in the church you particularly admire?”

“I really like our music director. He’s always friendly. He comes up with new music every week, sings, and even plays some instruments. He’s a cool dude.”

“Do you want to be more like him?”

“Well, that would be a challenge. I’m not musically talented; I just like music.”

“So do you like more that he’s friendly, versatile, or creative?”

“Uh. I don’t know. You just admire some people.”

“I want you to take a few days and think about the things we just discussed, and next session tell me what you want to gain from our sessions.”

“You think I’ll have something by next time we meet?”

“I asked a lot of questions that should prompt you to think. I would like you to start meditating. For the first three days, meditate on the following positive psychology meditations: Gratitude: Think of a simple, good thing from your day—like a warm cup of coffee or a kind smile—and let that feeling grow in your chest. Appreciate that. Don’t dismiss it like it’s something unimportant. Think about it for a moment.

“And then, think about your personal strengths: Visualize a core strength, such as bravery or kindness, as a warm, glowing flame inside your body. Don’t dismiss it like this is something everyone has. These things are very important to your soul. Think about it for a moment and appreciate them.

“And then I want you to experience some self-compassion: I want you to picture a past mistake or a hard time and offer yourself gentle, forgiving words instead of harsh judgment. We can be really hard on ourselves, and to think clearly, we need to stop these things from overshadowing our thinking.

“And then practice loving-kindness: Express direct wishes for peace and safety toward yourself, then expand those good feelings outward to friends, strangers, and the whole world. If we have built-up resentments, fears, and hard feelings. These can overshadow our thinking.”

Thomas handed Marcus a brochure with those positive psychology meditations on them.

“And then in three days, I’ll send you a text with the things we talked about today. And you can meditate on those. Use this method: Ask if the question applies to you. Welcome your thoughts without judgment. If doubt or fear appears, treat it with kindness. Acknowledge it, then return your focus softly to the core question. Then listen for wisdom. Allow images, words, or a quiet sense of clarity to arise naturally from within. Trust your inner wisdom rather than forcing an analytical answer.”

Marcus looked confused. “Will this tell me why I feel so empty and everything I do is losing meaning?”

Thomas gave him a gentle but reassuring smile. “It’s the trail of discovery we follow to find those answers. See you next session.”

Next chapter: Elena

Our answer is God. God’s answer is us. Together we make the world better.

Author’s Website with life and spiritual resources: Dorian Scott Cole .com

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