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Chapter 2, Sarah: Obedience Is Rule Number One?

Chapter 2, Sarah: Obedience Is Rule Number One?

Last updated on: November 5, 2026 at 1:44 pm by Dorian Scott Cole

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Chapter 2, Sarah: Obedience Is Rule Number One? 2026-11-05T13:44:30-06:00 Dorian Scott Cole

LOGO Patheos Explore the world's faith through different perspectives on religion and spirituality! Patheos has the views of the prevalent religions and spiritualities of the world.

Open and Relational Theology & Social Psychology

About this series: This series is intended to help individuals who have hit an obstacle in their spiritual journey and feel that a shift in their spiritual life is necessary. It is intentionally inclusive and applicable across all faiths, personal beliefs, spirituality, or non-religious perspectives. It may challenge some deeply held beliefs which is spiritual growth.

This resource is not diagnostic, prescriptive, directive, or therapeutic. Rather, you may find concepts that resonate with you, meditations that prove helpful, and insights to spark your spiritual growth. You are encouraged to approach this material prayerfully.

If you find yourself unable to resolve your challenges or move forward, professional counseling is strongly recommended. Catholics may want to speak with their priest or spiritual director. Others may want to see their pastor or religious leader. Those of all faiths may benefit from a counselor in psychology, or may find help moving forward with a life coach.

Spiritual growth deeply intersects with personal and social psychology. The author, Dorian, is a former pastor with university training across multiple disciplines.

If you are new to this spiritual counseling series, you can begin your journey with Chapter 1: Help, I’m Spiritually Burned Out. Or if you are new to spiritual things and agnostic to religion, follow Elena’s journey in Chapter 2: The Quest for “Does God Talk?”

Additional information on spiritual counseling may be found at Dorian’s Website: Spiritual Counseling.

If you are new to this spiritual counseling series, you can begin the quest with Chapter 1: Help, I’m burned out.

▶ A Personal Note on Deconstruction

Deconstruction started for me when I was 16 and has been a lifelong process. It’s actually spiritual growth. I’ve experienced hell fire versus love preaching, new age philosophy, fundamentalism, philosophy, and several religious beliefs.

When what you are being taught conflicts with the God you know as love, this sets us up for spiritual growth. Something in you screams, “That isn’t right. I know enough about love to understand that isn’t how God works.” And growth begins.

A Note on Rationality and Emotion

God is beyond our ability to know everything. Understanding love is a complex journey. But divine love, while not divorced from emotion, is not based in emotion. Emotions can be very misleading — just as misleading as trying to rationalize everything with philosophy. The spiritual journey is experiential and uses intuition.

The incident with the nuns is from my own experience in college during which time I was also a pastor.

The 60-Second Read
Chapter 12: Obedience Is Rule Number One?

Context Changes Everything: Ancient cultures operated on patriarchal structures, power dynamics, and survival necessities (like multiple wives or marrying a brother’s widow) that we no longer accept today. Attempting to apply their exact social codes to modern relationships ignores this massive cultural shift.
The Real Sin of Sodom: The Bible itself defines the sin of Sodom not as a loving same-sex relationship, but as arrogance, a refusal to help the poor and needy, and the threat of mob violence against strangers (Ezekiel 16:49).
The Shock of New Truth: When lifelong beliefs are challenged by new facts, the brain often registers it as a threat. Confusion and the urge to flee are natural parts of spiritual growth. True guidance never forces or controls; it allows the individual time to seek clarity.

Counseling Office. Gemini Generated Image

Chapter 12, Sarah: Obedience Is Rule Number One?

Sarah entered Thomas’ office looking forlorn. She slipped into the chair and looked up at the animal scene on the wall. Thomas let her sit quietly for a while until she was ready.

“I tried the meditation. I think it helped me feel more whole and peaceful.”

Thomas nodded in acknowledgment. “I’m pleased to hear that.”

“My youth pastor showed up. He said he was worried about me. I told him I’m not a youth anymore.”

“Did that make you feel good telling him that?”

“I thought it would get him off my back while I sort things out. He said he was charged with ministering to me. So I’m stuck with him.”

Thomas nodded in understanding. Sometimes it’s best just to acknowledge and not comment. “Did he leave?”

“He wanted to know all about my spiritual counseling. I told him it wasn’t leading me anywhere. And I told him I had a hard time believing that our God of love would shut anyone out, sinner or not.”

“How did he take that?”

“He said that God allows sinners to go their own way, maybe even burning in it, to purify the soul. It was God’s way of showing them the errors of their way.”

“I think he’s right about that. But that doesn’t mean shunning them. Sometimes people who go into the deepest sin need a lifeline to bring them back. And that lifeline is usually people.”

“So you think what Chloe is doing is wrong? LGBTQ is wrong?”

“Not what I said. I believe LGBTQ is not an absolute, but depends on the individual and what God calls them to do. If you’re born that way, it’s the way it is.”

“So maybe Chloe gets pregnant and lives with a man and hates him?”

“Again, there’s a lot there that I didn’t say. I don’t believe we should live with people and hate them, whether LGBTQ or straight. So what was your response to him?”

“He said obedience to the Word of God is mandatory. I don’t have a choice because sinners go to Hell.”

“What was your response to that?”

“I said, I’m going to marry a rich guy and become his second wife, just like they did in the Bible that doesn’t have any errors in it.” She smiled.

“That was bold. How did he take that?” Thomas replied with amusement in his eyes.

“He just looked at me for a moment. Finally he threw up his hands and left.”

“How do you feel about that?”

“I feel good. I feel like it’s harder for him to threaten and control me. But I still feel afraid. I don’t know what I’m doing or what the Bible really says.”

“What are you told the Bible says? Let’s get into that a little bit.”

“Men shall not lie with men.”

“Uh, huh. Do you know how many times the Bible mentions adultery, even as a metaphor for spiritual cheating?”

“I have no idea. Who would count them?”

Thomas laughed. “Around 52 times. How many times does the Bible mention men lying with men, and why doesn’t it have a name like adultery?”

“I… don’t know.”

“The Hebrew Bible mentions it once. The Apostle Paul actually created a name for it, but we don’t know what it actually means because it has no root or mention in Greek based on behavior. Even though some practices were relatively common in Greek and Roman culture, they didn’t give it a name. When something is bad enough to warrant attention, people give it names and talk about it a lot.”

“I guess that means something.”

“It’s context. Context simply puts things in perspective. Here is some more context. These were patriarchal cultures. Women were property and had no rights. Family was the cornerstone, just as it is today. Men were expected to be macho, for want of a better description of manly, and women were expected to be nurturing homemakers. The effeminate was looked down on in all those cultures. And cheating on your spouse, as in adultery, was forbidden and harshly punishable. But men in Judaism could have multiple wives and could have sex with slaves that weren’t committed to marriage. How does this sit with you?”

“It makes me sick at my stomach. How could they have a world like that?”

“Men were expected to be protectors of women, such as having multiple wives, and if their brother died it was their responsibility to take his wife into their family. It was necessity. But today we don’t look at it from the eyes of necessity. Many simply look at it from an older interpretation that is outmoded.”

“Well you can say that, but what about Sodom and Gomorrah? Weren’t they the very definition of sexual problems and were destroyed for it?”

“Actually, we don’t know if sex played any role in their destruction. According to Ezekiel 16:49, their arrogance led to inhospitality, a refusal to help the poor and needy, and the threat of mob violence against strangers. Jewish sources tell us they killed strangers who were among them. Hospitality is a strong requirement across the nations along Northern Africa and into Iraq, Iran, and Turkey. You were to allow strangers to stay with you for a period and provide them food. Lack of hospitality to strangers was a major character deficit. So the name Sodom was appropriated by translators who misinterpreted the passage and used it to describe a specific sexual act the translators found despicable.”

“Uh. I didn’t know any of that.”

“We don’t talk much about hospitality today. It’s not in our conversations or church requirements. And then translators in 1946 took a newly coined word, ‘homosexual,’ and inserted it into English Bibles where it had never been before. It takes modern ideas and applies them to ancient things when we really don’t know what they meant at the time.”

Sarah looked very disturbed. She sat back in her chair and looked around the room in bewilderment. Finally, she said, “I don’t know if you’re full of conspiracy theories or if you’re telling me the truth. I can’t tell. And it’s like hearing a foreign language and it doesn’t ‘resonate’ with me, like you talk about.”

Thomas smiled warmly at her. “It’s a lot to take in. You should get other opinions before you make up your mind, and make sure whoever is giving these opinions isn’t trying to control you. If it feels forced, you should walk away.”

Sarah rose, pensive, nervous, like she was about to jump out of her skin and needed to walk. “I have to… I have to think. I have to… go. I’m very confused.”

“Pray for truth and guidance. And please keep doing the meditation. I’ll text you another on truth.”

Before he finished, Sarah was out the door. Sometimes people walk out. He understood.

Meditation 6: Navigating the Fog of Truth

When lifelong beliefs are suddenly challenged by new information, it rarely feels like immediate enlightenment. It usually feels like walking into a thick, disorienting fog. The brain panics. But spiritual truth does not demand that you figure everything out before the sun goes down.

Find a quiet space where you will not be interrupted. Sit comfortably and allow yourself to simply exist in the “not knowing.”

Acknowledge the Fear: Say to yourself, “It is okay that I am confused. Confusion is just the space between an old way of seeing and a new one.”
Ask for Gentle Guidance: Rather than demanding a sudden, booming answer, ask God for steady, quiet illumination. “God of truth, I do not need all the answers today. Just guide my next step. Help me recognize the difference between the control of men and the love of your Spirit.”

As you breathe out, remind yourself that God is patient. You are allowed to take your time, weigh the facts, and wait until the truth settles firmly and peacefully into the bedrock of your soul.

Next: Sarah continued.

Our answer is God. God’s answer is us. Together we make the world better.

Author’s Website with life and spiritual resources: Dorian Scott Cole .com