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Chapter 4: Elena – The Quest for Small Victories

Chapter 4: Elena – The Quest for Small Victories

Last updated on: September 1, 2026 at 12:01 am by Dorian Scott Cole

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Chapter 4: Elena – The Quest for Small Victories 2026-08-28T19:12:45-06:00 Dorian Scott Cole

LOGO Patheos Explore the world's faith through different perspectives on religion and spirituality! Patheos has the views of the prevalent religions and spiritualities of the world.

Open and Relational Theology & Social Psychology

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About this series: This series is intended to help individuals who have hit an obstacle in their spiritual journey and feel that a shift in their spiritual life is necessary. It is intentionally inclusive and applicable across all faiths, personal beliefs, spirituality, or non-religious perspectives.

This resource is not diagnostic, prescriptive, directive, or therapeutic. Rather, you may find concepts that resonate with you, meditations that prove helpful, and insights to spark your spiritual growth. You are encouraged to approach this material prayerfully.

If you find yourself unable to resolve your challenges or move forward, professional counseling is strongly recommended. Catholics may want to speak with their priest or spiritual director. Others may want to see their pastor or religious leader. Those of all faiths may benefit from a counselor in psychology, or may find help moving forward with a life coach.

Spiritual growth deeply intersects with personal and social psychology. The author, Dorian, is a former pastor with university training across multiple disciplines.

Additional information on spiritual counseling can be found on Dorian’s Website.

If you are new to this spiritual counseling series, you can begin your journey with Chapter 1: Help, I’m Spiritually Burned Out.

Additional information on spiritual counseling may be found at Dorian’s Website: Spiritual Counseling.

If you are new to this spiritual counseling series, you can begin the quest with Chapter 1: Help, I’m burned out.

The 60-Second Read
Chapter 4: The Quest for Small Victories

The Breakthrough: Quieting the mind takes patience. Experiencing a genuine sense of unconditional love is the foundational step toward overcoming spiritual burnout.
Beyond the Rulebook: Spiritual maturity isn’t about memorizing rigid checklists to stay safe; it is an experiential journey of learning how to love others, forgive, and pursue justice.
Safe Community: Overcoming the intimidation of spiritual community happens best through low-pressure, relational connections—experiencing fellowship as mutual support rather than ritual performance.

Chapter 4: Elena – The Quest for Small Victories

Elena entered Thomas’ spiritual counseling office after Marcus. She was smiling.

Thomas smiled back at her, a naturally felt huge smile after having had some success with Marcus.

“How are you?” Thomas asked.

“I had some success with the meditations,” she said enthusiastically. “The first three days nothing happened and I almost stopped. The fourth day I felt a sense of warmth and felt that God really does love me. I cried. And throughout the day, I cried again and again. It’s so wonderful to realize in this great big world, this God of everything could love little, insignificant me! I don’t know who you are, but you made an impact on me.”

Thomas kept smiling at her. He let her continue.

“The fifth time was okay. But is spirituality just some warm feeling? Is there no spiritual direction to go? Rules to follow?”

It was time for Thomas to talk again. He wanted to just listen and let Elena work through her issues, but people needed help getting oriented in the spiritual world.

“I think you already know some basic rules. Your instinct is to not hurt other people. Through our compassion, we learn this in our early youth. Is this true for you?”

“Uh, I guess I have compassion. I don’t want to see anyone hurting. I guess maybe there are some rules there. Like don’t steal. Don’t murder.”

“Yes, you have it. But spiritual growth extends beyond the black and white laws of society. There are higher level spiritual ideals such as growing in the ability to love others, and justice in how the world treats others, and how we treat others. This is a journey.”

“Oh. I thought maybe there was a spiritual rule book that I could just memorize or something.”

“I have one of those, but it’s blank inside.”

Elena laughed. “You’re so funny.”

Thomas enjoyed the merriment.

“Let me break this to you very gently. I believe God gave us the vital instruction or some even call it a law, to love each other.” He paused for a moment.

“That doesn’t sound too harsh,” she responded.

“So if I told you that you should go out and do something nice for someone who hates you, how would that sound?”

“I might kick you in the shins under the table.”

Thomas laughed. “I believe you would. Anyway, the spiritual journey is experiential. We learn how to treat others through experience. And learning how to love is a long journey with lots of bumps and bruises.”

She looked at him like he was some kind of puzzle with all black pieces. “So, I came here looking for answers and all I get is a warm feeling and weird ideas about being nice to my enemies?”

Thomas smiled at her characterization. “If I said the one rule is to be kind to others, would that be a horrible thing?”

She sighed. “Being kind isn’t horrible. I mean-” She paused and considered her thoughts and how to phrase them. “I mean, I’m not a mean little kid anymore. Not that I was ever horrible—it’s just an expression. I suppose I could be kinder. But it just seems like an oversimplification.”

Thomas nodded. “Sometimes the simplest things are the most complex. Love is the most powerful force for change in the universe. Here’s an example: People who follow Jesus believe that the way they treat others makes people want to be part of what they have. Be part of their happiness. We all suffer, for sure. But Followers of Jesus are stronger and more resilient in the difficulties life brings us. And we help each other through them. Does that sound like something worthwhile to you?”

“My generation does that. I have friends who are really authentic people. I can count on them. And they even help people on the street who don’t have homes. What would I gain if I became a follower of Jesus?”

“You’re right. Your generation has a lot going for it—much more than previous generations. I think highly of you.” He raised his eyebrows at her, punctuating his comment, and waited for her response.

She smiled graciously at him.

“Do you still feel burned out looking for direction?”

She nodded.

“Do you remember that warm feeling from meditating and that big smile you had when you came in today?”

She nodded again.

“You’ve experienced the existential love of God. It’s always there. It’s always guiding and involved in your decisions. It’s always comforting when things go wrong. Is that worth having?”

She nodded again.

“Life is complicated. We get in very difficult situations, and we need help figuring them out. I believe that Jesus showed us how to treat each other. He treated everyone with love. The Jews hated a lot of people and wouldn’t associate with them for fear of being contaminated spiritually. But Jesus treated the tax collectors, the Roman soldiers, the wealthy, the poor, and the diseased all the same. They might have considered themselves as enemies, but Jesus was kind to them and helped them. Who do you have trouble being kind to?”

“I used to hate my sister. But since I’ve been away from her I don’t hate her so much. And the guy at the supermarket is just a nasty person. So I’m never nice to him. And there’s a beat cop who is always watching what I do and scowling at me. And a teacher I had who was always looking at me like he was criticizing. And some of the local people who think they’re better than me. I guess, there’s a whole lot of people I can’t be kind to.”

“I understand. When we encounter people like those, it’s difficult to be nice. And we don’t even want to.”

“So what am I supposed to think? Be nice to crummy people who wouldn’t be nice to me if they had to?”

“I’m not going to rub that in your face. But what I’ll say is that God’s love transforms us. God doesn’t make us do nice things. God doesn’t shove our face in it. God transforms our hearts so that we want to do nice things for others, and it changes the nature of our relationships with them. I’m not going to ask if that sounds appealing. I know it doesn’t.”

“You read my mind. I don’t think I want any of that.”

“Right. I understand. But do you want the fellowship of people who are on the same path as you, experiencing life, the bumps and bruises, supporting each other, and learning spiritual ideals through real-life experiences?”

“Um. Maybe. I have to think about it.”

“Spirituality involves what we individually are here to learn. Love is the key to learning. What if you could transform your relationship with your sister into something wonderful?”

“Um, you don’t know my sister?”

“What if you could have a transformative impact on your sister?”

“Take a left turn from a right turn lane? I don’t think my sister is in the right headspace.”

“That was just an example. Maybe your sister isn’t ready for change. But this could apply to anyone in your life.”

“Could I turn my ex-boyfriend into a nicer person?”

“Not overnight. And maybe you would have to be very careful with that relationship—I don’t know your boyfriend or if he’s abusive or uncaring. But we don’t change people. Our love can.”

“Believe me, he’s a taker. He takes all the love he can get and gives nothing in return. He’s one reason I have a big vacuum in my life.”

“I appreciate what you’ve been through. Love isn’t a process of handing out overnight miracles. It’s a transformative process over time.”

She gave him a blank look. Thomas realized that from a spiritual point of view he wasn’t reaching her. He was trying to explain concepts of love to someone who wasn’t yet even beginning to learn them. He remembered the Bible passage about starting babies on milk, not beef jerky. He regrouped his thoughts.

“I apologize. I’m going on and on about things that have to be experienced. Talking about them is meaningless. I would like for you to continue meditating. And in the next session, talk about some of the experiences you’re having, and I’ll explain people a little bit and give you better ways to handle people. Would that be okay?”

“I guess. Since the meditation was a breakthrough, I guess I’ll come again. But I don’t know about the Ekklesia meeting thing. I didn’t go.”

“No problem.” Thomas paused. Seeing a client in a social setting like Ekklesia was always tricky. He didn’t want her projecting expectations onto him or feeling awkward seeing him outside the office, but he also didn’t want to seem distant. Transference, which was clients forming attachments to pastors and counselors, had to be guarded against.

On the other hand, Elena might wonder why he wasn’t at the Ekklesia meeting, which might seem like hypocrisy. So he had to move forward carefully. He strongly suspected the Ekklesia would be good for her, but he also had to separate his feelings that her going to the Ekklesia was what he wanted, not what she might want.

“I’m not about to push you to go. But is there a reason you didn’t?”

“I don’t know anyone and would feel out of place. And I can’t get over that it might be weird.”

“I understand. I don’t like going to new places by myself either. Most people don’t.”

She nodded again at him with a half smile. This was reassuring and resonated with her.

“Is there anything I can tell you about it that might seem weird?”

“Do they do the drinking blood vampire thing?”

“I’ll explain that. No, they don’t drink blood. No, they don’t think wine or grape juice is blood. In groups, people ‘commune’ with each other. This means they feel a close, silent bond, or fellowship, with each other. And they do this ceremony to remember Jesus and his impact on their lives. Are you following me?”

“Okay, I guess.”

“Jesus brought forgiveness to everyone. All people have to do is ask God to forgive them for things they’ve done and, of course, try to do better, and then those things are forgotten about forever.”

“So what?”

“People tend to carry guilt and shame with them forever for things they’ve done. It stops their lives and relationships. Getting rid of that guilt and shame lets them get on with their lives and improve their relationships.”

“What if I want my boyfriend to suffer? Lots of guilt and shame on him.”

“That’s understandable if he hurt you. But that ill-will is something that negatively affects you and your life at a very deep level.”

She shook her head. “I don’t know.”

“You know how you felt God’s love during meditation. In the Ekklesia, you can feel the love of others who only want the best for you. That’s all. Nothing is required of you. You don’t have to say or do anything, especially if it feels weird.”

She said nothing. He let the conversation pause to let her think and respond. She didn’t.

Thomas could see the session wasn’t going to accomplish much more for today. So he said, “I would like for you to continue the meditations, and I would be happy to give you a phone number of a woman who would be happy to sponsor you and be with you at an Ekklesia and explain anything that’s confusing. She won’t ask anything of you. Not ever. She might offer, but not ask or push.”

He extended a card with the woman’s number toward her. She looked at it for a moment, hesitating, and finally took it. She made a show of putting it in her back pocket. Thomas didn’t know whether she took it because it was uncomfortable not to or if she might be interested.

“I’ll keep doing the meditation, but I’m still sick of not finding answers,” she said, and left.

Thomas thought about their session after she left. Meditation was good progress. But there were a lot of obstacles that kept her from moving forward. He hoped she would return and they could work through some of those.

Next: Marcus’ next session.

Our answer is God. God’s answer is us. Together we make the world better.

Author’s Website with life and spiritual resources: Dorian Scott Cole .com