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How to Find Yourself Spiritually?

How to Find Yourself Spiritually?

Last updated on: December 2, 2025 at 4:09 pm by Dorian Scott Cole

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How to Find Yourself Spiritually? 2025-12-02T16:09:24-06:00 Dorian Scott Cole

LOGO Patheos Explore the world's faith through different perspectives on religion and spirituality! Patheos has the views of the prevalent religions and spiritualities of the world.

Finding Yourself series

Rustic, wooden, communal, dinner table, warm and messy with life by Veo3.

The 60-Second Summary

We are witnessing a seismic shift in the landscape of faith. New generations, disillusioned by judgment and institutional failure, are rejecting traditional church structures at record rates. Yet, the hunger for the spiritual—and specifically for Jesus—remains vibrant. This has led many into a “wilderness” phase: a mass exodus into individualized, “do-it-yourself” spirituality.

However, going it alone often leads to isolation, anxiety, and a “spiritual limbo” rather than true freedom. The hard truth is that we cannot fully find ourselves by ourselves. Jesus did not just call individuals; He founded an Ekklesia—a gathered community. Real transformation happens at the table with others, not in a vacuum.

As the “old wineskins” of tradition burst, new, authentic forms of gathering—like micro-churches and dinner communities—are emerging to hold the new wine. This series explores how to navigate this change: stripping away dead religion without losing your faith, and moving from the loneliness of self-creation to the strength of a shared life in Christ.

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Why We Find Ourselves Through Change

The past century has brought a seismic shift to Christianity. Since 1950, I have watched people drop out of the church, often citing a lack of relevance to their daily lives. Others left due to fundamental disagreements, either theological or because of the way the church treated its own people with an unforgiving and intolerant spirit. Intolerance, inevitably, creates an intolerant reaction.

The newest generations will not accept the church as it was. With trust in religious institutions plummeting—recent studies show that only 14% of Gen Z trust organized religion completely—they are voting with their feet. This exodus is causing old structures to crumble. Yet, in their spiritual hunger, many are still turning to Jesus as a mentor, even if they have not yet understood how to follow him fully within a community.

Uncertain and Unbundled—Are you ready for Gen Z?

“Our most beautiful dreams are born from our most unpleasant nightmares.”
― Matshona Dhliwayo, Canadian-based philosopher, entrepreneur, and author known for his books on wisdom, success, and life lessons.

“Pain will leave once it’s done teaching you.”
― Bruce Lee, martial artist and philosopher.

Change is painful, but I happen to agree with those who reject the toxic aspects of the church, and I have seen welcome change start to take root. In fact, I refused to rejoin until I saw that transformation. The church has gone through several metamorphoses since Jesus’ time, and it is now enduring another.

This part of the series is about finding yourself as a follower of Jesus—not as an isolated independent, but as part of the Ekklesia that Jesus founded. The Ekklesia, or Church, was never meant to be a solitary endeavor; it is the living body of Christ on earth.

Jesus’ people are that body, called to do God’s will. In the new generations’ vast struggle to experience both the spiritual and the communal, they will eventually deliver a new church that brings the original Ekklesia Jesus created into reality. They will find strength and camaraderie in each other and in Jesus, whether in micro-churches or larger communities adapted for them.

“Everything old is new again,”
―Jonathan Swift, Irish writer, essayist, satirist, and Anglican cleric who wrote Gulliver’s Travels.

The New Versus the Old?

“And no one puts new wine into old wineskins; otherwise the new wine will burst the skins and it will be spilled out, and the skins will be ruined. But new wine must be put into fresh wineskins. And no one, after drinking old wine wishes for new; for he says, ‘The old is good enough.’” ―Luke 5:37-39

In Luke Chapter 5, Jesus amazed the crowds by acting in ways that defied tradition. Yet, he didn’t object to their traditions entirely; he simply indicated that now was not the time for them as he performed miracles and called people to follow him.

As the parable of the wineskins shows, there are new ways of doing things that cannot fit within the old structures because the expansion of the new will tear the old apart. Jesus acknowledges the difficulty of this transition—noting that those accustomed to the “old wine” often prefer it because it is comfortable. But the metaphor reminds us that God is not to be kept in old containers, and neither are people. God is to be found in the faithful, whether the vessel is old or new.

In this series, we navigate the tension between becoming attuned to the God within and accepting the sacrifice required to do the will of God, which is helping others. The God within is intensely personal, yet the realization of that God is always expressed in outward action toward others.

Built on Commands, Transformed by Commands

Judaism was built on commandments, citing 613 of them in the first five books of the Hebrew Bible. Following those commands was intended to reflect God by showing that adherence to divine law led to a better life. Yet, we see in ancient Judaism—especially among the leaders—that external obedience wasn’t necessarily transforming the heart. They could always find ways around these laws, a telltale sign that their hearts were not in it.

Some believe that Christianity is also based on laws. If so, Jesus’ work was all for nothing. Jesus taught us a better way anchored in the love of God and others. You have to ask the question: if you break the Ten Commandments and the Greatest Commandments to love God and others, is your heart really in your religion?

Even though we are free from the law, as the Apostle Paul teaches, if we harm others, is our heart truly with God? The reflection of our soul’s condition is not found in adherence to written codes, but in whether we break Jesus’ new law of love.

Today’s generation possesses a spirituality strongly dependent on the idea that harming others is the greatest wrong. For them, love of others is the highest ideal. They have intuitively landed on the most vital aspect of Jesus’ teachings. Yet, they often lack the other foundation that Jesus built: the Ekklesia.

The Difficulty of “Go-it-Alone Faith”

Many today are in a state of “existential limbo.” Having rejected the institutions around them, they have no real anchor for their faith and identity except what resonates with them from moment to moment. They have a limited sense of meaning and purpose. Their identity is fluid, and they experience deep loneliness from having made minimal face-to-face connections.

For Gen Z and Millennials, identity is a project of constant construction and revision. Finding oneself in the modern era is a psychological burden as much as a spiritual quest.

While people may feel free when they are unchained and have infinite choices before them, this freedom often places them in “choice paralysis.” There is minimal incentive to choose one thing over another. I experience this in libraries or when picking a movie; I often just look for the covers the librarians place in full view.

The brain experiences fatigue from trying to process the vast amount of information, which can lead to symptoms like procrastination, impulsivity, or simply doing nothing at all. It can even result in negative feelings like anxiety, regret, and reduced satisfaction with the final choice.

Many young adults find themselves in a state of “identity diffusion,” exploring various beliefs without ever committing. While this allows for flexibility, it has two inherent problems:

Life is Experiential: If you don’t commit and do nothing, you get nothing from life and its experiences.
Rootlessness: It can lead to a sense of anxiety which spirals into “existential dread.”

Existential dread is a feeling of deep anxiety or despair about life’s fundamental questions, such as purpose, mortality, and the meaning of existence. It is not a clinical diagnosis but a state of unease that can arise from contemplating the human condition, leading to feelings of hopelessness and insignificance.

The pitfall of never committing to any belief is a life of loneliness, lack of identity, and lack of purpose. It risks becoming a life wasted.

Will New Generations “Get it Together?”

In their favor, new generations are increasingly drawn to the “micro-church” or “dinner church” model—small gatherings, often centered around a meal. This does help provide a path forward. Despite their digital upbringing, they are beginning to favor face-to-face interaction to cure their isolation.

Faith like a spiral: How Gen Z is defying religious norms and starting from scratch

The Hope for Tomorrow

I like the new generations, and I share their rejection of stagnant modern institutions who often reflect intolerance rather than the acceptance shown by Jesus. Having had high hopes they would lead us to a better tomorrow, I write for them. However, I now see that it may be the generation after Gen Z that finally solidifies the needed changes for society.

Gen Z is currently in a “wilderness” period—too busy rejecting the old to fully build the new. They are, in a sense, a “lost generation,” but perhaps a necessary prelude. Just as the Israelites had to wander to shed the mindset of Egypt before entering the Promised Land, this generation’s wandering may be the prerequisite to building a better world.

The Ekklesia and why it’s necessary

Jesus spoke of the future of his Ekklesia, which translates to “gathering” or “assembly.” He formed this notion from the Synagogue model in Judaism. The Ekklesia is made up of people who gather in Jesus’ name to worship God, explore what it means to love others, hear speakers on topics, and take on local issues. The synagogue was more than a simple meeting place; it was a place of community fellowship and a center for addressing community problems.

The Ekklesia is the church, composed of local congregations, and the people are the body of Christ on earth. The body both reflects the love of God and reaches out to others in love.

None of us are in this world alone. As our society shapeshifts, being our own spiritual guide is fraught with loneliness. The burden of being all-sufficient to ourselves creates huge spiritual struggles regarding identity and truth. The God within us didn’t mean for us to be alone but to have the support of others. We who follow Jesus are a community that supports each other in our troubles and suffering, as well as in our good times.

Following Jesus is a journey. It asks for commitment to Jesus’ teachings and faith that His ways are the better ways to live. Loving all others is a major challenge, and most of us fail to get it right as we try again and again. The support of others helps us get back up.

Religious groups like to eat. Micro-gatherings with meals are a natural part of the church. Small groups are also a natural part of the church as special interests meet together, plan, and do activities for themselves and the community. The group can do what only one person can’t.

In “accepting” churches, new generations can find a welcoming home in which to grow, along with bedrock beliefs they can count on. Or, they can and should start their own rather than stay in an unproductive state of limbo without identity or a sense of purpose.

Conclusion

Finding ourselves during a spiritual vacuum or crisis includes looking both inward and outward. Looking inward, resonating with the God within us, we understand that harming others and not looking after them with care is against God.

Looking outward, we recognize that God is in all of us, and it takes all of us to form a community that supports one another through the struggles of life. We depend on each other.

Faith is not dying, as some think when they see their empty pews. Faith is evolving. It is becoming more personal, more diverse, and more challenging. The “finding of oneself” in this religious world is an act of brave, creative curation—often a refusal to inherit repugnant answers of the past, and a commitment to living the questions of the future. The face of faith today is the face of the seeker: looking into the black mirror of a screen, or the green depth of a forest, and whispering, “I am here. What does it mean?”

This requires a different kind of leader. Research shows that young people are looking for mentors who will “listen” and “be present,” not those who will “fix” or “preach”. The most effective spiritual leaders of the future will be those who can hold space for uncertainty rather than enforcing dogma.

Uncertain and Unbundled—Are you ready for Gen Z?

Concluding Challenge

To “find ourselves” during change is to seize the opportunity to realize what is truly important. We should ask: What is the foundation of stability in our lives? Is it the comfort of tradition, or is it our walk with God, Jesus, and our values?

The ultimate challenge, then, is this: What is truly important to you? Are you an island that is better off without a community of fellow believers? Or do you actually need a diverse group of people not too dissimilar from yourself who share the same beliefs?

“Our answer is God; God’s answer is us; Together we make the world better.”

– Dorian Scott Cole

“With hate we have more to lose than gain. Break the cycle.”

– Dorian Scott Cole

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