pitfalls after leaving the church

Last updated on: January 25, 2012 at 7:29 pm by David Hayward

pitfalls after leaving the church 2012-01-25T19:29:49-04:00 David Hayward

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I would never want to claim I have my act together. I don’t. And I don’t want to pretend to either. There are days when I am not doing well. I am just now emerging out of two of the darkest months of my entire life. I’m not out of the woods yet. (Maybe some of you extra sensitive ones have detected something.)

In 1 Corinthian 5:27, when Paul says that he lets his body take the punches, I think he was partially referring to taking the assault of life full on. In other words, he let his body experience the struggle of life in all its impact.

So I have to share with you that since I left the ministry and the church in March of 2010, I have taken a lot of punches from life. It has been quite the ride. Harrowing! These last two years have been the most frightening of my life.

The pitfalls after leaving the church, having lived within it for almost my whole life, are numerous. I have made some serious mistakes. I have hurt people. People I love. I have hurt myself. Even though it feels to me like this journey was assigned to me, I am totally responsible for my actions within it.

Here are just a few of the pitfalls to watch out for:

It is an extremely lonely road. Not even those who love you the most will understand. But the best friends you could have are those who don’t try to fix you. They are those who realize that you are tied up in a great mystery that no human being can unravel. But they just stay with you nevertheless. You will experience profound loneliness in terms of the dimensions of your journey. But I hope you have a few friends who linger with you in your suffering. The best spiritual directors are those who recognize they can’t understand your unique path but will humbly wait until you might require their wisdom and help. Watch out for that.
The liberation from years of confinement may induce the desire to be free from everything else. Every other commitment, even those you most value and treasure, you might be tempted to walk away from. I realized not long ago that I could walk away from everything and no one would really care except my immediate family. The new-found freedom is dizzying and can prompt irresponsible, harmful and regrettable behaviour. Watch out for that.
You may be tempted to throw the baby out with the bathwater. We are always guilty of associating so many things. For instance, when I smell hand wipes with lanolin, I smell baby poop. I just can’t help it. I’ve changed our kids’ diapers and the association is so strong that it will be with me forever. The same with religion and spirituality. We may tend to associate everything spiritual with the negative spiritual experiences we’ve left behind. It took me a while to realize that there are actually some good worship songs out there that I don’t have to fast-forward. There is some good theology worth reading and meditating upon. Etc. Watch out for that.

Yes, these are things I’m dealing with. I wanted to share them with you. I want to share my journey with you.

I hope, in some way, that this is helpful to you.

Check out my BOOKS that address issues like this one with cartoons and writing.

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