I’m Cast Away

Last updated on: March 26, 2011 at 8:31 pm by David Hayward

I’m Cast Away 2011-03-26T20:31:16-04:00 David Hayward

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Now I know what I have to do now. I’ve got to keep breathing. Because tomorrow the sun will rise. Who knows what the tide could bring? (Chuck Noland in Cast Away).

I felt the urge to watch Cast Away with Tom Hanks. So I watched it tonight. I think it had something to do with me feeling like a man that has to figure things out entirely on his own. I cut myself free from a something that provided me with a sense of security and comfort. I set myself adrift. Now I spend a lot of time alone. This is very strange to me because in the ministry it was wall to wall people 24/7. The struggle was to find time alone. Now the opposite is true. I’m a cast away and it’s my own fault.

I have to rediscover myself. Who am I apart from the church? Apart from my identity as a pastor? Apart from my role as an overseer of a community? Aside from me having a full-time salary with benefits? Aside from having so many people needing or wanting my time? I knew this was true when I was in it, but now that I am outside of it I am amazed at how comprehensive church was over me. It was my life and my livelihood. Everything. Now that comprehensiveness is gone. The church isn’t, thank God. But the comprehensive hold it had over every aspect of my life is gone.

And I’m finding it hard finding my self.

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