We Shoot We Score… Or Miss!

Last updated on: February 1, 2010 at 2:31 pm by David Hayward

We Shoot We Score… Or Miss! 2010-02-01T14:31:19-04:00 David Hayward

LOGO Patheos Explore the world's faith through different perspectives on religion and spirituality! Patheos has the views of the prevalent religions and spiritualities of the world.

Sometimes I get so discouraged. This shouldn’t surprise you if you’ve been following my blog at all. And it’s not just because it is Monday either. My discouragement is timeless. But this is what is getting me down today: we are stuck in a performer/audience mentality in the church. It seems impossible to break. One day a few weeks ago someone told me that I was really deep and intellectual and that I preached way over their heads. The same day someone told me that they weren’t learning anything from my teaching. It was too shallow and boring. I conclude that usually compliments and criticisms are two sides of the same coin. I am being judged and scored according to my performance.*

Let’s say a husband looks at a sexual self-help book with graphic instructional pictures. He loves his wife and they have sex. But in his mind he imagines what he’d like the sex they have to be like. He does everything he can to match his fantasy and constantly pressures her to do this and do that. Afterward, when they are lying next to each other, he says, “Well, that was about a 4 out of 10!” Or another time he smiles and says, “That was definitely a 10!” Guaranteed, sooner or later his wife is going to express her unhappiness. She’s being measured. She has expectations placed upon her. She is under the pressure to match a fantasy in his head. It won’t work because it is not love.

Same with church. If I am constantly being measured, expected to fulfill peoples’ fantasy of what a pastor or public speaker should be like, or what a great church should be like, I am going to be unhappy very fast. Same with the people. If I continually give them the impression that they are being scored week to week, that they are components I am trying to properly align to a fantasy I have for them, if they have any sense at all, they will grow unhappy too. The whole paradigm needs to be tossed. Criticism and flattery are two sides of the same coin.

Didn’t Luther say that if you put two lovers in a bedroom alone, they won’t have to be told what to do. They’ll figure it out. If we learned how to love each other, first and foremost, we’ll figure it out. And it will be completely outside the scoring paradigm.

*I admit this isn’t always the case. Sometimes someone criticizes what I said because they really disagree with it. Or someone thanks me for what I said because they realized something new. They really learned something. This is a different thing altogether.

Previous Post

February 1, 2010

cartoon: passive aggressive

Next Post

February 1, 2010 access denied!

Browse Our Archives

Select a Category art cartoons cartoons 2 freebie music one minute message podcast Sophia teaching technology thought

Select a Month February 2014 January 2014 December 2013 November 2013 October 2013 September 2013 August 2013 July 2013 June 2013 May 2013 April 2013 March 2013 February 2013 January 2013 December 2012 November 2012 October 2012 September 2012 August 2012 July 2012 June 2012 May 2012 April 2012 March 2012 February 2012 January 2012 December 2011 November 2011 October 2011 September 2011 August 2011 July 2011 June 2011 May 2011 April 2011 March 2011 February 2011 January 2011 December 2010 November 2010 October 2010 September 2010 August 2010 July 2010 June 2010 May 2010 April 2010 March 2010 February 2010 January 2010 December 2009 November 2009 October 2009 September 2009 August 2009 July 2009 June 2009 May 2009 April 2009 March 2009 February 2009 January 2009 December 2008 November 2008 October 2008 September 2008 August 2008 July 2008 June 2008 May 2008 April 2008 March 2008 February 2008 January 2008 December 2007 November 2007 October 2007 September 2007 August 2007 July 2007 June 2007 May 2007 April 2007 March 2007 February 2007 January 2007 December 2006 November 2006 October 2006 September 2006 August 2006 July 2006 June 2006 May 2006 March 2006 February 2006

TAKE THE

Religious Wisdom Quiz

I am twelve stones taken from a riverbed and set up as a memorial to a miraculous crossing. What am I?

Select your answer to see how you score.

The memorial stones Altar stones The Stones of remembrance Bethel