An Apology to My Accusers

Last updated on: December 18, 2009 at 3:46 pm by David Hayward

An Apology to My Accusers 2009-12-18T15:46:57-04:00 David Hayward

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I’m accused of inconsistency. I am not trying to be consistent. I’m trying to be honest. I question the assumption that we can even have a systematic theological comprehension of everything.
I’m accused of not telling people what to believe. I’m not trying to tell people what to believe. I am trying to respect each person’s responsibility for their own faith.
I’m accused of being a universalist. I know we are all connected. That we are all one. I’m trying to understand this and articulate it theologically.
I’m accused of being unorthodox. I’m not trying to be orthodox. I want to know the truth for myself for which I can live and die.
I’m accused of not being missional. In fact, I think I am more missional! Believing we are all one, I am trying to find an articulation of this unity that bridges the illusory gaps between me and everyone else, including non-believers.
I’m accused of being too sensitive when people leave our church. I refuse to pretend I’m not hurt. And I refuse to gloss painful experiences over with syrupy spiritualized attempts at denial.
I’m accused of being an enemy of the church. I love the church more passionately than anyone I know. So in regards the church, I won’t turn a blind eye.
I’m accused of being confused. I admit I don’t understand. Yet. But I’m desperately trying. I am seeking, and in seeking I will find.
I’m accused of being a bad pastor. Actually, I believe most pastors struggle as I do. I just happen to be open about it. But this accusation is my kryptonite: it has the power to permeate my mind and disable me.
I’m accused of pastoring a bad church. These are the most beautiful people in the world. We suffer together, sharing one another’s burdens unashamed. Like me, they are more open than most about their struggles.

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