Silence and Crucibles of Change

Last updated on: February 13, 2008 at 4:57 pm by David Hayward

Silence and Crucibles of Change 2008-02-13T16:57:57-04:00 David Hayward

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I’m feeling kind of quiet these days… again! I’m lying low. Or trying to. In spite of my attempts to be quiet, the is the never ending suffering of those around me. And I, to a degree, suffer myself.

Marriages of my friends are breaking up at an alarming rate. It is epidemic, shall we say. And, as usual, our own marriage is being stretched as Lisa and I try to learn to grow as individuals while staying in love and in close proximity. You see, this is always the problem: how to grow personally with complete liberty in the context of community. I read an excellent book and always recommend it to anyone interested in this complex dynamic. It is by David Schnarch and is called Passionate Marriage. His basic point is that when a couple enters into a relationship like marriage, they are entering a crucible of change. When one person grows, it automatically forces the other person to grow, and vice versa. I read it not only with my own marriage in mind, or the marriages of my friends, but for our community. It is dynamic and very intense, this process of moving into our own freedom while others move into theirs.

I don’t care about liturgy, sacraments, weddings, funerals, propriety, services, the organization… and all the order that comes with these. These aren’t the issue. They aren’t the point. Do them, fix them, reform them, change them, stop them… whatever. We are always and only left with ourselves and our own personal urgency of transformation. And this is why I am so silent these days.

The fine art photo is a cropped version of a photo of my UK friend Howard Nowlan

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