My Church Visit

Last updated on: October 3, 2007 at 3:21 pm by David Hayward

My Church Visit 2007-10-03T15:21:24-04:00 David Hayward

LOGO Patheos Explore the world's faith through different perspectives on religion and spirituality! Patheos has the views of the prevalent religions and spiritualities of the world.

I walk slowly into the church. I try to look confident. People look at me with a look of interest. Some smile, but behind the smiles I read curiosity. Immediately I discern I’m underdressed. I find a seat and sit down. I hope I haven’t unwittingly chosen a regular’s favorite perch. I sit by the aisle for a quick escape. All around me I can feel the weight of obligation. There isn’t anything overt. No slogans of oppression plastered on the walls. But I feel the expectations floating in the air like airborne spores waiting to land on me. It affects my breathing, as if I’m trying to prevent these spores from entering my lungs and infecting me forever. I’ve been infected before, and they’re a bugger to get rid of. I’m not sure my immune system can resist them.

The singing and prayers are all fine. Most of the words aren’t too bad. Nothing obvious, but again, there’s something else clinging to them, desperately. These words are holy by themselves, but they seem to host countless parasitic ideas that would cripple me forever. I just know it. I’ve been there, done that, got the hospital bills. The offering is taken and I intentionally put in too little… a rebellious reaction to the “tithe talk” that was given by a child who really couldn’t know any better.

Then the preacher preaches. Suddenly, the spores and parasites become even more dominant. No longer do the holy words keep center, but the spores and parasites that cling to them become the thing we are really talking about. If this was sex, this is the climax. The holy words are not enough on their own. They are powerless by themselves. They have to be used for something. They have to do something. They must accomplish something, and immediately. They have to be used to affect me. They have to be used to change me. Underneath all the smooth, silky subtlety of the sermon I hear an undercurrent, a subtext to all that is being said, and it is this: “Comply!“

When the sermon is finally over, I meet a few nice people who’s happy handshakes beg, “You must come back. You must love us! You must become like us! You must validate us! Please!” I meet the pastor at the door. His handshake tries to feel permanent. His chatter is inappropriately intimate. I don’t hear what he’s saying, but I feel the stickiness of his speech. His smile is not sincere. It has intentions. His eyes have an agenda. I think he thinks he knows more about me than he thinks I think I know about myself. His soul is raping my soul, and mine lets out a silent scream to get the hell out of here! Fast! When I pry loose of his hands, I quickly step out onto the stairs and breath a deep breath of fresh air. The sky is blue. The trees are green. The grass is inviting. I touch my head, checking my skull for fractures. I feel my chest. My heart is beating, slightly rapid, but beating. I’m alive. And I am free.

The fine art photograph is the creation of my friend Mark Hemmings, and is taken from his Mannequin series.

Previous Post

October 3, 2007

cartoon: the real secret

Next Post

October 4, 2007 cartoon: sucker bucks

Browse Our Archives

Select a Category art cartoons cartoons 2 freebie music one minute message podcast Sophia teaching technology thought

Select a Month February 2014 January 2014 December 2013 November 2013 October 2013 September 2013 August 2013 July 2013 June 2013 May 2013 April 2013 March 2013 February 2013 January 2013 December 2012 November 2012 October 2012 September 2012 August 2012 July 2012 June 2012 May 2012 April 2012 March 2012 February 2012 January 2012 December 2011 November 2011 October 2011 September 2011 August 2011 July 2011 June 2011 May 2011 April 2011 March 2011 February 2011 January 2011 December 2010 November 2010 October 2010 September 2010 August 2010 July 2010 June 2010 May 2010 April 2010 March 2010 February 2010 January 2010 December 2009 November 2009 October 2009 September 2009 August 2009 July 2009 June 2009 May 2009 April 2009 March 2009 February 2009 January 2009 December 2008 November 2008 October 2008 September 2008 August 2008 July 2008 June 2008 May 2008 April 2008 March 2008 February 2008 January 2008 December 2007 November 2007 October 2007 September 2007 August 2007 July 2007 June 2007 May 2007 April 2007 March 2007 February 2007 January 2007 December 2006 November 2006 October 2006 September 2006 August 2006 July 2006 June 2006 May 2006 March 2006 February 2006

TAKE THE

Religious Wisdom Quiz

What fruit did Adam and Eve eat in the Garden of Eden?

Select your answer to see how you score.

Lemon Grape Banana Forbidden fruit