Buddhist Catholic Contemplative Evangelical General Christian Hindu Jewish Latter-day Saint Muslim New Visions Progressive Christian

Beliefs

Topics

Columnists

Resource Library

Research Tools

Video

Podcasts

Thought Readers

Faith In Media Tracker

Newsletters

Ad-Free & Subscriber Log-In Subscription Support

Follow Patheos

My Islamic Life

Home
Muslim
Reader Questions: Dating an Algerian Man; My Response

Reader Questions: Dating an Algerian Man; My Response

Last updated on: September 16, 2013 at 12:31 pm by Kristina ElSayed

Reader Questions: Dating an Algerian Man; My Response 2013-09-16T12:31:25-04:00 Kristina ElSayed

LOGO Patheos Explore the world's faith through different perspectives on religion and spirituality! Patheos has the views of the prevalent religions and spiritualities of the world.

Last week when I received the letter from Amy, I responded immediately because I didn’t know if she would be willing to let me share her story with you. It takes a lot to reach out to complete strangers and ask for help. Then, when she granted me permission to ask your advise, I held back my response because I wanted to see if you would tell her anything different.

This is my response:

Dear Amy,

I am SO happy to hear from you!

After reading your story a few times, I had several thoughts.

1st. I have 2 friends who are married to Algerian men. I wonder what they would think of this story.

Then, I thought about your individual worries.

He lied about his name/nationality. – It does happen all the time in online dating sites. The problem started when he didn’t come clean on your first date. If this is not a deal breaker for you, then don’t let it become a bigger issue. The thing I see is that he has to regain your trust. Its difficult to say that only after a month that he’s already untrustworthy but this has to be something you are comfortable with. I listen to Dan Savage quite often and he talks about online dating and things that end up being red flags and what are caution flags. I would say proceed with caution, but this is my opinion. 🙂

You are not sure if he is religious or not. – Not all Muslims are observant! Just like in any religion, you have those that are very conservative and some that are very liberal. You have very religious families and some who are not observant. In those two spectrum you have stages along the way. You also have those who are not religious just because it is too much work in America. Overseas, you have a mosque on every street corner. When it is time to pray, you can hear the call to prayer from everywhere because every mosque calls. Here, you have to work hard to find a place to pray. You have to search for a community, you have to explain yourself to non-Muslims. It is scary, now post 9/11 to be Muslim in America. He may not fast Ramadan because it is really very difficult to fast when you don’t have a support system. If you are living alone in a community of non-Muslims, it is just easier to stop being observant and assimilate.

There are also Muslim men who are not terribly observant when they are young, but become more observant as they grow older or whom become more observant when they are around their family. This is not something that you will be able to know right away. It would give you some clues if he invites you to ‘meet’ his family via skype and you can see his mother and how they interact.

It is not that unusual that he is not interested in dating around, that he is only interested in dating towards marriage. HOWEVER, this is usually the case with religious men. In Islam, there is no casual dating. So, this is a little contradictory IMO.

That he is fine with dating/marrying a Christian or Jewish woman and you not converting. Well, Muslims, Christians and Jews all believe in 1 God. That is why it is permissible for the three religions to intermarry. The red flag for me is that you said you are a non-believing Buddhist. Does he understand that you do not believe in God? As for him agreeing to allowing the children to have religious choice, it is possible that above all of my contradictory observations he actually is non-practicing and is not concerned with defining a religion for the family.

I agree with him in giving your relationship time. Yes, he’s beautiful. Yes, he has a sexy accent. Yes, he is exotic. But all that wears off eventually. When it comes down to it, do you trust him? Is he being transparent with you and his family? Does his family accept you? Does he make enough money to support himself? Does he have his own Green Card/What is his immigration status? Is he your intellectual equal?

I will post Amy’s responses to my questions in the comments.

Previous Post

September 14, 2013

Reader Questions: Dating an Algerian Man

Next Post

September 17, 2013 Dear Hasbro; My Letter to the CEO

Browse Our Archives

Select a Category Beyond Etsy Blog Posts Books Educational Gadgets Hijabs In the House Jewelry On Etsy Personal Ramadan Reader Questions Reader Response Recipes Resources Uncategorized Videos

Select a Month April 2020 January 2020 September 2019 March 2019 December 2018 September 2018 June 2018 May 2018 March 2018 January 2018 December 2017 November 2017 October 2017 September 2017 June 2017 May 2017 April 2017 March 2017 January 2017 December 2016 November 2016 October 2016 September 2016 August 2016 July 2016 June 2016 May 2016 April 2016 March 2016 February 2016 January 2016 December 2015 November 2015 October 2015 September 2015 August 2015 July 2015 June 2015 April 2015 March 2015 February 2015 January 2015 December 2014 November 2014 September 2014 August 2014 July 2014 June 2014 May 2014 March 2014 February 2014 January 2014 December 2013 November 2013 October 2013 September 2013 August 2013 July 2013 June 2013 May 2013 April 2013 March 2013 February 2013 January 2013 December 2012 November 2012 October 2012 September 2012 August 2012 July 2012 May 2012 April 2012 March 2012 February 2012 December 2011 November 2011 October 2011 September 2011 August 2011 June 2011 May 2011 April 2011 March 2011 February 2011 January 2011 December 2010 November 2010 October 2010 September 2010 August 2010 July 2010 June 2010

TAKE THE

Religious Wisdom Quiz

What happened when the Philistines captured the Ark of the Covenant?

Select your answer to see how you score.

The Jordan parted Dagon's idol fell The sun stood still Fire rained from heaven