Reader Questions: Dating an Algerian Man

Last updated on: September 14, 2013 at 5:18 pm by Kristina ElSayed

Reader Questions: Dating an Algerian Man 2013-09-14T17:18:36-04:00 Kristina ElSayed

LOGO Patheos Explore the world's faith through different perspectives on religion and spirituality! Patheos has the views of the prevalent religions and spiritualities of the world.

Hi. I’m recently divorced, mid-thirties, no kids, living at home with my parents because it’s rent free and we are very close. I was raised Protestant but never believed in god and am non-religious now.

I joined an online dating website and within 20 minutes was texting a few guys, one of them was “Jean, the Frenchman who teaches French children that live in the US”. I’m a sucker for an accent. He’s so sweet, kind, affectionate, doting, all of this in only 3 weeks. We text every day and talk most nights on the phone.

Last week, I showed a pic of us to a friend who gave me a look (I’ll admit, I’m a bit naive and too trusting of just about everyone). My friend asked his last name, I told him. My friend said I’m more Swedish than he is French. (I’m blond-haired, blue-eyed, fair skin). I poked around the internet to discover that yes, he lied to me. I was more upset that he lied than the fact that he’s Muslim or Algerian. But I digress.

I texted him, asking him to be honest about a question I have. He said sure. “Are you Muslim?” I asked. “you asked me to be honest, yes I am :)” “Are you really from France?”. This was last Thursday and we had a date on Friday night. “can we talk about this tomorrow please?” I told him yes, that I didn’t care that he was Muslim or isn’t French, I care that he lied about it. I told him I like him for how he treats me not because he’s a French schoolteacher. He said he would explain everything Friday but asked that I don’t judge him until he tells me. I said okay.

Friday night, our 3rd date, we were to go to Long Beach and just hang out and talk and stuff. I met him at the train station and before we left, I said “you have some explaining to do.” We talked for about 10 minutes in my car. I previously found out, and he confirmed, that his real name is Ahmed, he comes from Algeria, and is a cashier in a convenience store. (He speaks French because Algeria used to be a French colony, but Arabic is his first language.) He said I have to understand where he’s coming from, and I do, but some friends and family don’t. He said he first came here 5 years ago by himself not speaking any English. He learned on his own and speaks okay…sort of. When he would talk with people, they would ask where he comes from because of his accent. And they would only want to talk politics and religion, instead of sports, music, entertainment. So he made up “Jean” when he went on vacation. He said that people don’t question the intelligence of a school teacher, but they think very differently of a store clerk. And I agree with him.

We texted a lot this past Sunday and he confirmed that he’s not just dating to date. He’s looking to get married and start a family, that only time will tell if we are right for each other, but that he sees us together in the future. I told him flat-out that I would never convert to Islam, I would never visit or even live in Algeria, and any children I have with anyone would not be raised in a religious home. He didn’t seem to have a problem with it, except for visiting Algeria to eventually meet his family.

I’ve asked him if he prays. He says he wishes he did. I said if you wish to, why don’t you? His answer? Because he’s too lazy!!! I laughed and said good answer. I asked if he fasted for Ramadan. He said no, that he’s a bad Muslim.

I asked him if he’s disappointed that I won’t convert to Islam. He said that’s my choice, that “it’s not a big deal, trust me.” I asked him if he would ever consider marrying a non-Muslim. He said yes, Christian or Jewish. I asked if he would ever raise non religious children. He said yes, my children will have a choice. He said he doesn’t blame me for thinking the way that I do, that the media gives us bad pics of Muslims.

I’m so very confused. It’s only been 3 weeks but he has swept me of my feet. But I have my doubts. What if the man I see before me really doesn’t care about religion? What if this is his real personality showing? If it is, then I’m a fool for judging him wrongly. But if the media, friends, and some family are right, then I’m screwed.

As he says, only time will tell if we are right for each other, but from day 1, I’ve felt like I’ve known him for years and am so comfortable around him.

Thank you for taking the time to read this and for any advice you might have for me. For now, I’m just going to take it one day at a time with him and have some fun while I’m doing it.

Sincerely,

Amy

Previous Post

September 5, 2013

When You Need Help

Next Post

September 16, 2013 Reader Questions: Dating an Algerian Man; My Response

Browse Our Archives

Select a Category Beyond Etsy Blog Posts Books Educational Gadgets Hijabs In the House Jewelry On Etsy Personal Ramadan Reader Questions Reader Response Recipes Resources Uncategorized Videos

Select a Month April 2020 January 2020 September 2019 March 2019 December 2018 September 2018 June 2018 May 2018 March 2018 January 2018 December 2017 November 2017 October 2017 September 2017 June 2017 May 2017 April 2017 March 2017 January 2017 December 2016 November 2016 October 2016 September 2016 August 2016 July 2016 June 2016 May 2016 April 2016 March 2016 February 2016 January 2016 December 2015 November 2015 October 2015 September 2015 August 2015 July 2015 June 2015 April 2015 March 2015 February 2015 January 2015 December 2014 November 2014 September 2014 August 2014 July 2014 June 2014 May 2014 March 2014 February 2014 January 2014 December 2013 November 2013 October 2013 September 2013 August 2013 July 2013 June 2013 May 2013 April 2013 March 2013 February 2013 January 2013 December 2012 November 2012 October 2012 September 2012 August 2012 July 2012 May 2012 April 2012 March 2012 February 2012 December 2011 November 2011 October 2011 September 2011 August 2011 June 2011 May 2011 April 2011 March 2011 February 2011 January 2011 December 2010 November 2010 October 2010 September 2010 August 2010 July 2010 June 2010

TAKE THE

Religious Wisdom Quiz

Who said, "He must increase, but I must decrease"?

Select your answer to see how you score.

Peter Paul Elijah John the Baptist