Buddhist Catholic Contemplative Evangelical General Christian Hindu Jewish Latter-day Saint Muslim New Visions Progressive Christian

Beliefs

Topics

Columnists

Resource Library

Research Tools

Video

Podcasts

Thought Readers

Faith In Media Tracker

Newsletters

Ad-Free & Subscriber Log-In Subscription Support

Follow Patheos

Muslimah Next Door

Home
Muslim
An Autism Prayer: Am I Doing the Right Thing? Show Me the Way

An Autism Prayer: Am I Doing the Right Thing? Show Me the Way

Last updated on: April 2, 2017 at 9:40 pm by Dilshad Ali

An Autism Prayer: Am I Doing the Right Thing? Show Me the Way 2017-04-02T21:40:22-04:00 Dilshad Ali

LOGO Patheos Explore the world's faith through different perspectives on religion and spirituality! Patheos has the views of the prevalent religions and spiritualities of the world.

My hand on D’s head in a rare moment of quiet cuddling.

This is Day Two of the Ali Family #AutismTruths – April 2, 2017 – World Autism Day.

Dear D,

When you were three, they gave you an Official Diagnosis of Autism, said a bunch of things to your Baba and I, put some literature in our hands and sent us on our way. You were our darling son, beautiful and so far away from us. Yet to call us Mamma or Baba with any purpose, barely paying attention to the newborn baby of a little sister who cried beside you.

I had no clue. None. Nada. Zip. Autism information on the internet was merely a blip, social media and Facebook parent support groups were years away. And, I was left with a list of schools and some basic information to try and map out a path for you.

I found you a school. We were living in midtown Manhattan and this school was downtown. You had never left me before. The first day I took you there by myself, as your Baba was doing his fellowship and simply could not get away. As I gripped your hand and walked you towards the building, a large teenager came outside in the throes of a meltdown. Two teachers came out and administered a restraint on him, stopping him from bolting into downtown New York traffic.

I nearly threw up right there as I picked you up into my arms and hurried past them into the building. This was going to be your school? My tiny, precious three-year-old boy who had never left me before. With little knowledge and no understanding, I thought every awful thing there was to think.

I walked you to your classroom, met your teacher and settled you inside with some blocks. You loved stacking blocks. You’d lose yourself in building towers – up, up, up. After a brief conversation with your new teacher, she assured me that you’d be fine and encouraged me to sneak out, which I did.

The door shut, and a wail came out of you when you realized I had gone.

I cried the whole way home on the subway – another New Yorker lost in a sea of people, crying silent tears while others deliberately tried not to notice.

For a month, I cried dropping you off or putting you on the bus. And you cried leaving me. I would come back to our apartment and nurse your baby sister, my tears dropping down on her downy head. It was anguish.

Am I doing the right thing? Show me the way, I prayed.

**********

Three weeks ago, you made what is probably your last big transition in school. You went from your classroom, where you had been for three years, to a brand-new building on your school’s campus to the Life Skills. Now you were spending time with the young men and women, learning vocational skills, self-care skills and community-based lessons.

By my estimation, this would be your last transition until the Big One – the move when school ends to postsecondary life and that cliff with the unknown drop.

A lot happened that week – the big transition in school, two of your home therapists leaving and two new ones beginning, the withdrawal of your favorite spinning beads as a leisure time activity in school and on the bus. It was a big week for you.

Your world was rocked.

That first week was extremely exhausting for you. The cacophony of your new classroom in addition to the two new home therapists who were getting to know you. You were quiet after school, withdrawn and prone to meltdowns before bedtime. On Thursday of that first week, when your therapist asked you want you wanted to do, you wrote on your Proloquetogo app:

I want to go do nothing.

I shed some tears that week, though nowhere near the waterworks of when you started school at the age of three. You shed a few as well. But we’ve both come a long way. Still, some things endure from the time you were my little boy to now, with you a tall, strong, autistic young man: It’s still anguish. It’s still joy. It’s still unbearable. It’s still love incarnate.

My dear son. My darling D – I still pray the same thing: Am I doing the right thing? Show me the way.

Love,

Mamma

Autism Awareness Month 2017

#autismtruths

Ali Family Autism Truths

Previous Post

April 1, 2017

What is this Autism Living?

Next Post

April 3, 2017 Living the Disability/Autism Life: Are We Really Being Seen?

Browse Our Archives

Select a Category A Global Voice for Autism Autism Awareness Month 2016 Autism Awareness Month 2017 Autism Interlude Hajj and Eid ul Adha Jenin Autism Project Ramadan Three Questions Uncategorized WISE Global Conference

Select a Month November 2018 October 2018 August 2018 June 2018 May 2018 April 2018 March 2018 February 2018 January 2018 December 2017 November 2017 October 2017 September 2017 August 2017 July 2017 June 2017 May 2017 April 2017 March 2017 February 2017 January 2017 December 2016 November 2016 October 2016 September 2016 August 2016 July 2016 June 2016 May 2016 April 2016 March 2016 February 2016 January 2016 December 2015 November 2015 October 2015 September 2015 August 2015 July 2015 June 2015 May 2015 April 2015 March 2015 February 2015 January 2015 December 2014 November 2014 October 2014 September 2014 August 2014 July 2014 June 2014 May 2014 April 2014 March 2014 February 2014 January 2014 December 2013 November 2013 October 2013 September 2013 August 2013 July 2013 June 2013 May 2013 April 2013 March 2013 February 2013 January 2013 December 2012 November 2012 October 2012 September 2012 August 2012 July 2012 June 2012 May 2012 April 2012 March 2012 February 2012 January 2012 December 2011 November 2011 October 2011 September 2011

TAKE THE

Religious Wisdom Quiz

Which prophet bought a field to symbolize hope for Israel's future?

Select your answer to see how you score.

Isaiah Ezekiel Jeremiah Hosea