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Conversations with D

Conversations with D

Last updated on: April 29, 2016 at 10:45 am by Dilshad Ali

Conversations with D 2016-04-29T10:45:51-04:00 Dilshad Ali

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Ali Family Autism Truths #29 – April 29, 2016

Setting: In our Kitchen one evening. I have made brownies, and they are cooling on the counter. Everyone has eaten dinner, and D is drawn back to the kitchen by the smell of something heavenly. He comes up to me, standing at the counter, and pushes his face close to make eye contact – a rarity. It means something important if he leans in to look you straight in the eye. Otherwise, eye-to-eye contact is difficult for him. Overwhelming, I suspect.

Me: D! What do you want (I know exactly what he wants, but am trying to make him communicate it.)

Him: Atta Watta!

Me: I know you don’t want water. Tell me what you want (the brownies are right there. I know he is frustrated with me, because he knows that I know what he wants.)

Him: Coo-Ka!

Me: You want a cookie? Ok, hold on. (I go and retrieve a cookie for him. We both know that’s not what he wants.)

Him: (pushing my hand away): Bla, bla!

Me: You want beads? You got beads in your hand, buddy. (I point to the beads he is clutching.)

Him:

(Getting visibly frustrated. How far do I push this? I don’t want to make everything into a lesson, and it’s the end of the day. I know he’s about reached the end of his rope in trying to communicate and live in this world that is so very slow to understand him.)

Me: You want to show me on your iPad?

Him: (Goes and gets his IPad. Swipes it to turn on the home screen. I gesture to the Proloquetogo app at the bottom of the screen. He taps it to bring up the app, and it’s already fixed to the “Home” page we set up, with a variety of his favorite needs and wants for him to request. We both scan it. He gets his face close. I can see him looking hard for the right picture. We both then realize that the picture he wants isn’t on there.

He presses the picture for cookie, frustrated.)

Me: Can you say the full sentence?

Him: (Pushes the “I” and the “want” and the “cookie.”)

I want cookie, the iPad says in a mechanical male voice.

He looks up at me.

Me: That’s so close! Let me help: I want Ba….

Him: Bow-Nee!

Me: You want a brownie? Of course you can have one! Thank you so much for telling me. (I cut him a square and give it to him in a bowl. He takes it over to the sofa to devour it. In a minute he is back with his bowl.)

Me: D! Back again? What do you want?

Him: Bow-nee.

Me: Absolutely. Have another.

*End Scene.

The effort D makes to communicate a simple thing to us is astounding. He’s got things to say. I know he does. The truth is, we all deserve our chance to speak. We all deserve to be heard. And, so we all must do our part to listen deeply, listen patiently, listen in ways unfamiliar to us.

Listen.

Autism Awareness Month 2016

Ali Family Autism Truths

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He is Not Less Than Anyone Else Because He Has Autism

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