Buddhist Catholic Contemplative Evangelical General Christian Hindu Jewish Latter-day Saint Muslim New Visions Progressive Christian

Beliefs

Topics

Columnists

Resource Library

Research Tools

Video

Podcasts

Thought Readers

Faith In Media Tracker

Newsletters

Ad-Free & Subscriber Log-In Subscription Support

Follow Patheos

Muslimah Next Door

Home
Muslim
Book Review: “undivided: A Muslim Daughter, Her Christian Mother, Their Path to Peace

Book Review: “undivided: A Muslim Daughter, Her Christian Mother, Their Path to Peace

Last updated on: May 28, 2015 at 12:24 pm by Dilshad Ali

Book Review: “undivided: A Muslim Daughter, Her Christian Mother, Their Path to Peace 2015-05-28T12:24:07-04:00 Dilshad Ali

LOGO Patheos Explore the world's faith through different perspectives on religion and spirituality! Patheos has the views of the prevalent religions and spiritualities of the world.

Patricia and Alana Raybon

My life had changed. My Christian daughter became a Muslim.

And my life and every single thing about life just flat-out flew apart.

So here I sit today, ten years after my daughter made her announcement, staring at my keyboard in my belabored home office — which also is a wreck and needs decluttering and an overhaul. Still, even in this mess, I commit to speak truth about the biggest mountain in my life that has yet to move.

I wish my daughter wasn’t a Muslim.

Wrong to say? Probably. – Patricia Raybon

I’ve heard, read and edited a lot of articles, posts, books and stories in my nearly 15 years of covering Muslims in America as a journalist and editor. The stories and articles, intricacies of Muslim life in this country are vast and varied. Some of the most fascinating microcosms of stories comes from those who chose to become Muslim, and how their families felt about it and learned to live with this, for better or for worse.

Thus it is a rare gem to come across a book like undivided: A Muslim Daughter, Her Christian Mother, Their Path to Piece. Written by Patricia Raybon and Alana Raybon, the book is a series of back and forth conversations and questions between mother and daughter, trying to work through the biggest roadblock in their relationship – the conversion of daughter Alana to Islam.

For Patricia, a staunch Christian, the struggle first is to put aside her fervent desire to see Alana and her family become Christian again, to prove that Christianity and Jesus Christ is the path to redemption. She must show Alana that she matters, beyond the doubts and disagreements and questions. Her daughter matters to her, just like she always has.

We need wisdom. Then we need quiet. Without shouting. Or lecturing. Or speechifying or proselytizing. Or showboating. So asking my daughter about faith can’t be an evangelizing moment for me.

Not at first.

First, instead, asking Alana a question simply says you matter.

How much? More than my desire to see Alana and her family back in the body of Christ? More than my desire to see her sitting at the feet of Jesus? More than my longing to see her walk through the doors of any ordinary church to praise the Lord?

This is extremely tough for Patricia, to open her heart and listen to her daughter, when she so desires to convince to her to return to Christ. In that I appreciate this book even more, as mother and daughter step forward, step backward, turn their backs to each other and then face each other again to truly try and understand each other and why each other’s faiths are so important to them.

It’s a messy process. Alana at one point relates a story when she and her mom were at Chick-fil-A, and she commented to her mother about how polite the staff was. Patricia replied back, “Well, you know they’re a Christian-owned business.”

This hurts Alana, who feels like in some ways, her mother is trying to prove that her religion is better than Alana’s. Time and time again, when events in the world take everyone by storm, like the Boston Marathon bombing, Alana feels what so many of us have felt time and time again – “I didn’t choose Islam for the people. … There are good things being done by Muslims in the world. But I’m tired of having to defend Muslims.”

Alana goes on to describe how the phrase, la ilaha ill Allah, meaning “there is no God but Allah,” is the foundation of her faith, which has also become the source of their division:

Bottom line: The concept of oneness draws me to Islam One God, without partners. No divisions, no shared power or authority, no intermediaries either. Just God and God alone. It feels right to me. It feels pure.

They argue back and forth about the Christian concept of trinity, about Christmas and whether Alana should show respect to her mother’s faith by simply being a part of Christmas celebrations without professing belief in them. This part reminds me of an article written by Patheos blogger Sabina Khan-Ibarra for Altmuslim, where she recounts her husband’s participation in Christmas celebrations with his mother out of respect for her.

I appreciate the concerns and worries laid forth by Alana. That this has grown bigger than just her relationship with Patricia – she wants to make sure her children grow up as proud Muslims while also respectful of other faiths. But, if they participate, for example, in Easter, would the music and performances of the church plus the extravagant Easter activities be “alluring” to her child?

The two realize that there must be forgiveness between them – forgiving each other for the hurt they have caused each other, and forgiving themselves as well for the choices they have made.

They each make baby steps up on baby steps, like when Patricia comments on a picture Alana posts on Facebook about how they celebrated Eid-ul-Fitr. “Fun, fun, fun!” writes Patricia. Alana writes, “I think I get what she’s saying I know she can’t yet wish me a happy Eid, but that won’t change her love for me and my family.”

The book is scattered with numerous gems like this, with a mother’s worry for her daughter, moving to a new state and driving there with her kids, wearing the hijab. What if she is targeted? How will Patricia learn to let go of her worry and trust in God? How will Alana learn to let go of her misgivings and trust in God as well?

To read the back and forth, ebb and flow between mother and daughter is a glimpse into the intimate relationships parents have with their children, who grow up and make their own choices, which can go against everything that parent wanted for their child. It’s well worth the read.

As Alana writes, “Peace is a journey, and we’ve got a ticket for the ride.”

Check out Deborah Arca’s interview with the authors here. And read more about this book on our book club topics page here.

Previous Post

May 27, 2015

With Head Bowed, I See the Light

Next Post

June 10, 2015 His Theatrical Debut - On Inclusion and Plays in Autism Land

Browse Our Archives

Select a Category A Global Voice for Autism Autism Awareness Month 2016 Autism Awareness Month 2017 Autism Interlude Hajj and Eid ul Adha Jenin Autism Project Ramadan Three Questions Uncategorized WISE Global Conference

Select a Month November 2018 October 2018 August 2018 June 2018 May 2018 April 2018 March 2018 February 2018 January 2018 December 2017 November 2017 October 2017 September 2017 August 2017 July 2017 June 2017 May 2017 April 2017 March 2017 February 2017 January 2017 December 2016 November 2016 October 2016 September 2016 August 2016 July 2016 June 2016 May 2016 April 2016 March 2016 February 2016 January 2016 December 2015 November 2015 October 2015 September 2015 August 2015 July 2015 June 2015 May 2015 April 2015 March 2015 February 2015 January 2015 December 2014 November 2014 October 2014 September 2014 August 2014 July 2014 June 2014 May 2014 April 2014 March 2014 February 2014 January 2014 December 2013 November 2013 October 2013 September 2013 August 2013 July 2013 June 2013 May 2013 April 2013 March 2013 February 2013 January 2013 December 2012 November 2012 October 2012 September 2012 August 2012 July 2012 June 2012 May 2012 April 2012 March 2012 February 2012 January 2012 December 2011 November 2011 October 2011 September 2011

TAKE THE

Religious Wisdom Quiz

Which prophet spoke of a 'new covenant' in the Old Testament?

Select your answer to see how you score.

Isaiah Ezekiel Malachi Jeremiah