Ali Family Autism Truths #24 – Present with Each Other

Last updated on: April 24, 2015 at 9:25 pm by Dilshad Ali

Ali Family Autism Truths #24 – Present with Each Other 2015-04-24T21:25:20-04:00 Dilshad Ali

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April 24, 2015 – Autism Awareness Month, Autism Truths #24

It’s time to write this post, and so I ask my family tonight what I should write. The husband says – let’s all give our perspectives tonight, and you write them down.

But before we can wax eloquently on #autismtruths, D pulls H to the sofa for a tickle fight. Dadima (their paternal grandmother) is sitting at the edge of the sofa, reading her evening Quran, and the H gets buried by his brother, who lifts his shirt up and goes for the big tickles. Laughter ensues until H tumbles off the sofa in a fit of giggles.

Come on you guys! Nobody is helping me out here, I call to them. You’re supposed to tell me what you think our autism truths are!

But D comes up behind his Baba and digs his sharp chin into Baba’s head. He’s smiling and giggling as he pulls his Baba up to get a treat from the pantry.

The door from the garage opens, and Dadabba (their paternal grandfather) enters, back from praying Maghreb at the mosque (the rest of us prayed at home). Everyone comes to the dinner table, and H brings a box of cupcakes that was purchased earlier to the table. The kids have eaten their cupcakes before dinner, in a reversal of eating, so now the grown-ups have their chance.

But grandparents are all about the grandchildren, and so after eating half of hers, Dadima offers the rest of hers to D and A.

We sit and enjoy our cupcakes, make silly jokes and remind each other of our weekend’s plans – A and H have soccer games tomorrow. H is going to a special event tomorrow night with his Baba, which he is super excited about. The rest of the family is headed to a housewarming party. Sunday brings Sunday School, a birthday party, and Open Gym (a program pairing high school students with autistic kids and teens to do athletic activities) for D.

As we talk around the dining table, D sits in the family room just beyond, rocking in his favorite rocking chair and twirling his beads. At times he finds it difficult to sit and join in with the rest of us — too many faces, too many conversations, I think. But I notice that he still sometimes wants to be a part of things, and so he he stations himself just beyond us, but still with us.

And it’s not lost on me for a second, not a single second, how precious these moments are. Every time we all manage to sit together for dinner, every time we all converge in the same room for laughs and small talk, every time we are all present in each other’s lives — those are the most truthful, simple and beautiful of moments.

Our autism life pushes us in different directions and pulls us back together again. As the kids grow older and more and more activities take over our lives, as homework keeps them busier and D’s challenges and triumphs and ups and downs continue to evolve — as he goes through bouts of anxiety that has him seeking the solitary and less family involvement, or we find ourselves immersed in events and activities that are difficult for him to handle — these brief family moments are all the more cherished.

Because soon enough Baba has taken H upstairs to go to bed. And A is off in the corner emptying her backpack so her Dadima can repair a rip in it. Dadima and Dadabba are looking through old photo albums, and D is lying on the sofa — twirling his beads and finding solace in that which relaxes him. And these are the times when it feels like the rest of us are present with each other, and he is somewhere else, far, far away.

If there is one truth autism has taught all of us, it’s to slow down and appreciate the moments we have with each other. Hear each other. See each other. Really try to understand and know each other, as much as we can. And be thankful to God for all of it — for saving us from the noise and blathering of the world, that which is unimportant and meaningless. For showing us that the blessings of God reside in the ones we love, the ones we for whom we will change the world.

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April 23, 2015

Ali Family Autism Truths #23 - What is God's Truth in All This?

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April 25, 2015 Ali Family Autism Truths #25 - The Right of Choice

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