Buddhist Catholic Contemplative Evangelical General Christian Hindu Jewish Latter-day Saint Muslim New Visions Progressive Christian

Beliefs

Topics

Columnists

Resource Library

Research Tools

Video

Podcasts

Thought Readers

Faith In Media Tracker

Newsletters

Ad-Free & Subscriber Log-In Subscription Support

Follow Patheos

Muslimah Next Door

Home
Muslim
You are Enduring Love

You are Enduring Love

Last updated on: April 2, 2014 at 6:56 pm by Dilshad Ali

You are Enduring Love 2014-04-02T18:56:54-04:00 Dilshad Ali

LOGO Patheos Explore the world's faith through different perspectives on religion and spirituality! Patheos has the views of the prevalent religions and spiritualities of the world.

My darling boy,

The sun is shining and the air is warm with the scents and sounds of a spring most awaited. You are swinging in the hammock in the backyard, spinning your beads on a twig with your hoodie pulled over your head and sunglasses perched on your face. God, you are handsome.

It seems fitting that on today, World Autism Day 2014, we have come to a point in our autism journey where the path has played a cruel, cruel trick on us. Where there seems to be no alternate route, where the road less traveled has seemingly dropped off into nothingness, and for once, I don’t have a game plan. Your grandmother tells me to find my strength and to move forward. But here and now, in this very moment, I don’t know how.

And yet you rock in the hammock, spinning your beads, making your beautiful sounds, soaking up the sun. What has changed? Everything. What has changed? Nothing.

For those of us living our lives with you, for those with autism and their autism families, Autism Awareness can be such a cliché. Are we really circling our wagons around awareness? Isn’t the world aware enough about autism? Shouldn’t we be about acceptance and action? What are we doing to help our children and individual s with autism? How are we improving our schools, helping our teachers be better trained, improving services, putting our money in the right kind of research, developing support systems and programs to foster more inclusion in our various communities? How are we teaching the world to embrace you as you are?

What does this all matter to you, my jaanu, my most precious son? To you in your world, in the life you live with us, what will help you most? What can we do to help you?

Because today has shifted the ground I stand on. The earth is sliding beneath me, and I’m questioning every decision I’ve ever made, everything I’ve ever done, every time I ignored something that shouldn’t have been ignored, or put you on the back burner to take care of the other million responsibilities I have to our family. The prayers I’ve prayed, the verses from the Quran I’ve clung to, the du’as others have offered time and time again for you – they all ring hollow to me in this moment.

It’s fitting that this morning, when we stood on the precipice of that great unknown, praying for the best, fearing the worst, that both of your grandmothers sat beside you and prayed over you. The words of faith bubbled to their lips freely and fully. Their strength in God’s will, in His mercy and His plan was pure and steady. But I? I stood silent. I was empty, waiting for you to fill me with your light.

I’m sorry my darling. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry for how hard it is, I’m sorry that I don’t know what to do. I’m sorry when I make this about myself, when it should always be about you and your brother and your sister. I’m sorry that you bear the challenges and struggles and burdens more so than anyone I know. I know that by doing this, you are teaching us things more deeply and more patiently and with more love then I sometimes believe is humanly possible.

Today is World Autism Day, and that doesn’t really mean a damn thing to me in this moment. I dare say you probably feel the same, though I cannot presume to know what you are feeling. What I do know is that you patiently and loving endure. You endure, and you keep moving forward, even when I stand frozen in place.

My darling boy, all I know is that the only truth is love. You are love.

Love, your Mamma

Previous Post

March 31, 2014

The Jenin Autism Project - The End is Only the Beginning

Next Post

April 8, 2014 Life Goes On

Browse Our Archives

Select a Category A Global Voice for Autism Autism Awareness Month 2016 Autism Awareness Month 2017 Autism Interlude Hajj and Eid ul Adha Jenin Autism Project Ramadan Three Questions Uncategorized WISE Global Conference

Select a Month November 2018 October 2018 August 2018 June 2018 May 2018 April 2018 March 2018 February 2018 January 2018 December 2017 November 2017 October 2017 September 2017 August 2017 July 2017 June 2017 May 2017 April 2017 March 2017 February 2017 January 2017 December 2016 November 2016 October 2016 September 2016 August 2016 July 2016 June 2016 May 2016 April 2016 March 2016 February 2016 January 2016 December 2015 November 2015 October 2015 September 2015 August 2015 July 2015 June 2015 May 2015 April 2015 March 2015 February 2015 January 2015 December 2014 November 2014 October 2014 September 2014 August 2014 July 2014 June 2014 May 2014 April 2014 March 2014 February 2014 January 2014 December 2013 November 2013 October 2013 September 2013 August 2013 July 2013 June 2013 May 2013 April 2013 March 2013 February 2013 January 2013 December 2012 November 2012 October 2012 September 2012 August 2012 July 2012 June 2012 May 2012 April 2012 March 2012 February 2012 January 2012 December 2011 November 2011 October 2011 September 2011

TAKE THE

Religious Wisdom Quiz

I am a day when tongues of fire appeared and people spoke in languages they had never learned. Three thousand believed that day. What am I?

Select your answer to see how you score.

Easter The Day of Atonement Passover Pentecost