Buddhist Catholic Contemplative Evangelical General Christian Hindu Jewish Latter-day Saint Muslim New Visions Progressive Christian

Beliefs

Topics

Columnists

Resource Library

Research Tools

Video

Podcasts

Thought Readers

Faith In Media Tracker

Newsletters

Ad-Free & Subscriber Log-In Subscription Support

Follow Patheos

Muslimah Next Door

Home
Muslim
Happy Birthday Lil D – Not so Lil Anymore

Happy Birthday Lil D – Not so Lil Anymore

Last updated on: August 5, 2013 at 1:58 pm by Dilshad Ali

Happy Birthday Lil D – Not so Lil Anymore 2013-08-05T13:58:07-04:00 Dilshad Ali

LOGO Patheos Explore the world's faith through different perspectives on religion and spirituality! Patheos has the views of the prevalent religions and spiritualities of the world.

It isn’t a celebration unless we eat biryani, and that our family did – in two different continents.

I woke yesterday morning to the sound of bleating goats in the front yard. Normally it would’ve been the sing-song sounds of Lil D roaming the house, as he gets up pretty much as early on the weekend as he does on the weekday. But he is not here with me. He is far, far away, like a line out of a fairy tale.

I am in India. He is at home in Virginia with my parents. And I am not with him on the monumental occasion of his 13th birthday. But he is always with me.

I knew when we planned this trip to India that I would be missing two extremely important celebrations with Lil D – his birthday and Eid-ul-Fitr at the end of Ramadan. But the timing of our trip had to be now for a myriad of reasons. As I’ve mentioned before in previous posts, holidays and celebrations seem to have little meaning on Lil D, due to the severe nature of his autism. In fact, trying to make a big deal out of a holiday can have the opposite effect on him if it overly upsets his natural routine.

But still, I stubbornly hold on the semblances of “normal” celebration practices – we’ll have a special dinner and cake and candles on his birthday. He may not blow them out or even come to the table when the cake is presented, but cake will be served. On Eid holidays, we almost always take him to our congregational prayers with us, though it can be a stressful situation for all of us to be able to pray and navigate the crowds with him.

I don’t want to sell Lil D short – maybe inside he recognizes and appreciates the efforts we make to celebrate his birthday and include him in holiday celebrations in whatever way possible. Maybe it is as important to him as it is to us.

Or, maybe it just doesn’t register with him. Maybe he could care less. Maybe it’s just for us – his family – to do something extra on his special days like we do for our other children. A lot of raising Lil D and helping him to manage his autism is striking that balance: What do we teach him and expect him to do because that’s part of what it means to be a family, and what part of it is for our benefit – to make us feel like we’ve done something for him.

And so, in the days before his 13th birthday, I sunk into sadness at not being able to physically be with him on his special day. Not being able to eat biryani with him. Not being able to make him a cake or brownies. Not being able to take him swimming. (One of the few activities he enjoys, and even that is hit or miss.) And though I knew it wouldn’t rock his world not to have us there making a fuss, it rocked my world.

Then the morning dawned, and the goats bleated. And I woke in India, a trip made possible by the herculean efforts of family, friends, therapists, babysitters and infinite prayers. A trip made possible only by the grace of God. I went downstairs and Lil D’s baba and I petted the goats, which were prayed over and then sacrificed by my husband moments later as an act of sadaqa (charity) on behalf of Lil D.

On the stone patio behind my in-law’s home, the meat was cleaned and chopped up by a butcher and then parceled out to numerous people in need. We kept a little in our home to make Lil D’s birthday biryani. Because by God, we were going to eat biryani and cake in his honor.

I emailed my parents and made a date to do a Skype video call with them after we broke our fast in the evening and prayed Maghreb. By then, it was the morning of his birthday, and Lil D was eating breakfast under the watchful eye of my mom. We all crowded around the computer in an upstairs bedroom of my in-laws home in Hyderabad, with the sounds of the street and people calling to each other coming through the open windows.

There he was on the screen – a plush bear stuffed up his shirt, his favorite red Maryland Terrapins baseball hat perched on his head, making his sing-song noises. Bhai! Lil D! Meri Jaan (my darling), we all cried out – happy birthday!

“We’re making biryani for his dinner tonight and brownies too,” my mom told me. “We’ll make sure to take some pictures!” And in that moment, there was no sadness, no tears — just an ache to be with him and happiness to see him calm and comfortable in his home, in his routine, with family who loves him to the moon and back.

Oh my darling. I gave birth to you 13 years ago when I was a naïve young woman, married barely a year with no idea on how to raise a child. You made me a mother. You put Jannat (heaven) beneath my feet. You laid bare for me the depths of what it means to be a mother. You turned my world upside down so many times that I lost count. You revealed strength in me that I never knew I had. You have given me the gift of clarity, insight, realness, compassion, kindness, care, despair, anger, frustration, hope, determination and resilience. You have brought me to Him, on my knees, when there was nowhere left to turn.

As we watched Lil D on the computer screen, roaming about the house while eating his breakfast, he babbled maw-maw. “He said ‘Mamma’ when you said ‘Happy Birthday,’” my mom said to me.

And I chose to believe.

Previous Post

July 26, 2013

Ingratitude in the Face of Gratitude - the Autism Oxymoron

Next Post

August 13, 2013 An Eid without Lil D and Autism

Browse Our Archives

Select a Category A Global Voice for Autism Autism Awareness Month 2016 Autism Awareness Month 2017 Autism Interlude Hajj and Eid ul Adha Jenin Autism Project Ramadan Three Questions Uncategorized WISE Global Conference

Select a Month November 2018 October 2018 August 2018 June 2018 May 2018 April 2018 March 2018 February 2018 January 2018 December 2017 November 2017 October 2017 September 2017 August 2017 July 2017 June 2017 May 2017 April 2017 March 2017 February 2017 January 2017 December 2016 November 2016 October 2016 September 2016 August 2016 July 2016 June 2016 May 2016 April 2016 March 2016 February 2016 January 2016 December 2015 November 2015 October 2015 September 2015 August 2015 July 2015 June 2015 May 2015 April 2015 March 2015 February 2015 January 2015 December 2014 November 2014 October 2014 September 2014 August 2014 July 2014 June 2014 May 2014 April 2014 March 2014 February 2014 January 2014 December 2013 November 2013 October 2013 September 2013 August 2013 July 2013 June 2013 May 2013 April 2013 March 2013 February 2013 January 2013 December 2012 November 2012 October 2012 September 2012 August 2012 July 2012 June 2012 May 2012 April 2012 March 2012 February 2012 January 2012 December 2011 November 2011 October 2011 September 2011

TAKE THE

Religious Wisdom Quiz

True or False: Joseph's brothers sold him to traders for thirty pieces of silver.

Select your answer to see how you score.

TRUE FALSE