I Almost Forgot It’s Prom Season…. A Little Tough Love and Realness in One Sentence

Last updated on: May 19, 2015 at 1:04 pm by Nancy Qualls-Shehata

I Almost Forgot It’s Prom Season…. A Little Tough Love and Realness in One Sentence 2015-05-19T13:04:34-04:00 Nancy Qualls-Shehata

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One sentence: It is not permissible for Muslim young men and women to attend prom.

Okay, that’s it, bye, see you tomorrow!

What? Oh, you want more? What’s my daleel (proof)? Well, if you want the long version….

I totally forgot it’s prom season. My son is only 15 and is at this point in his life is blissfully oblivious to all that stuff (thanks online games!). One of my FB friends shared a picture of a young lady in a very fancy long dress that did cover her in the same manner, say, that shrink wrap covers a roll of filet mignon at the grocery store. That is to say, she was wearing a voluminous amount of fabric, but it was skin-tight and outlined each lovely curve of her body. A gorgeous treat for a husband, but not appropriate attire for a teenager going out in public.

The whole prom thing has to be deconstructed for Muslims, and it’s not terribly hard to do. As a woman who grew up non-Muslim and who went to a junior prom before I got busy with theater – ahem, theatre – and got too busy to be bothered by school stuff, let me tell you what the prom is.

The prom is an opportunity for young people to get together and experiment with alcohol, drugs, and sex. I really cannot put it more plainly than that.

To my dear Muslim brothers and sisters who are parents of teens and who are trying to walk that fine line between being totally lame and being the coolest parent on the block, let me tell you that this is one event where you need to stick your toes in and just say no. There are way too many pitfalls that can trap even a “good” kid. You are NOT your kid’s friend, you’re his parent, so do your job and tell him that the prom is not a place for a Muslim. I might be too late for this year but maybe I can give a heads up to those of you who have graduating seniors next year so you’ll have a full year to get them accustomed to the idea.

What is wrong with prom?

Music – It is generally agreed upon, even among those with a lenient view of the prohibition on music, that the vast majority of pop music nowadays falls into the “haraam” category. The songs that are out there promote drugs, alcohol, and fornication, and you are about to dump your kid into a venue that will be blasting those songs for three hours or more.

Gender-mixing – It is not permissible for Muslims to date, so you cannot allow a boy to take your daughter to the prom, or allow your son to ask a girl out. Boys and girls can get to know one another with a chaperone in a decent environment. Even if your child goes stag or goes in a same-sex group, it’s way to easy for him to peel off from the group and go find a cute girl to flirt with (and vice versa).

Clothing – Especially for the young ladies, this is a time when they are tempted to go all out and dress in a manner to attract attention. Read up on tabarruj, which is an Arabic term for a wanton display of beauty. A girl going to prom does hair, makeup, eyebrow plucking, nails, and clothing. Even if she covers her head, she is not in hijab if her clothing is sheer, tight, or overly blinged out (as it sometimes is at the Eid prayers, sad to say). If you are her father, you are saying to the world that you want your daughter objectified so that her appearance is the most important part of her, and then you are throwing her into a testosterone-soaked arena for all the young wolves to try to take a piece of. If you are the parent of a boy, you are telling him that it is okay to circulate among beautiful ladies rather than lowering his gaze.

The sin is on YOU if you have tried to assimilate so hard into the “normal” life in the west that you have not raised your children from the youngest age to understand the limits and protective blessings of Islam. I have kids in public school and I know it is very hard to set boundaries, but it can and must be done. My kids do not participate in the holidays. They go to the library during the Easter egg roll, they don’t make valentines, they don’t wear green on St. Patrick’s Day, and they will never participate in a school dance inshaAllah. And you know what? They are happy, well-balanced, have Muslim and non-Muslim friends, do great in school, and are not little sad deprived waifs sitting in a corner wishing they had a Christmas stocking on the mantel. They have a Ramadan lantern on the mantel. And they get Halloween candy on November 1st when it goes on sale. They are fine.

I know I’m being a buzzkill, especially maybe to revert Muslims or second- or third-generation Muslims who maybe went to prom when they were teens. You remember all that was special about that night and you’re a little sad that your son or daughter can’t share that as well. And that’s okay. But if you have been raising your kids right all along as strong Muslims, they might fuss a bit but ultimately they’ll understand.

So, what do you do? I’m a firm believer that if you tell someone “no”, it’s important to offer a “yes” whenever possible. So if you won’t let your daughter to go prom, maybe you can host a movie night for her girlfriends where they can stay overnight at your house and you can keep an eye on them. Or you can take them camping. Or take a bunch of boys camping. Or visit a farm, or sign them up for riding or flying lessons. Or do volunteer charity work. A no goes down a lot easier when there is a yes to follow. The whole world is open and there is a LOT of permissible stuff for Muslims. It’s just that prom is not one of them.

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