Better Get This Said Before I Go Off On A Screed….

Last updated on: October 1, 2010 at 2:06 pm by Nancy Qualls-Shehata

Better Get This Said Before I Go Off On A Screed…. 2010-10-01T14:06:00-04:00 Nancy Qualls-Shehata

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Bismillahi Rahmani Rahim

Salaam Alaikum wa Rahmatullah

I looked at what I’ve written over the last few days and I am thinking to myself, whoa, not exactly looking uplifting and inspiring there. I guess when you’re dealing with a complex topic like the relationship between men and women, you can get very down on everyone. I mean, look no further than the pages of your local newspaper and you can see evidence of the dysfunction of the family. And I don’t get asked for advice when everything is going right. But it’s important that I put this out there, and that everyone remembers this when you are nodding your head sagely over some comment I’ve made or thinking “she’s reading my mind”:

THERE ARE LOTS OF HAPPY AND SUCCESSFUL MUSLIM MARRIAGES

Yes, honestly, there are a lot of strong Muslim marriages. You just never hear about them because no one is posting their “I (heart) my spouse” update on their Facebook status. Or if they are, you might be thinking “Yeah, right, she’s overcompensating”. Yes, there are truly many couples who love and respect one another, who are on the same page religiously, who cherish their children, who work hard in this world and strive for Jannah together. They exist. They just don’t advertise it.

Just like with television programs where “if it bleeds, it leads”, advice columns and therapists and nosy blogs like this one tend to deal with the situations gone wrong, the toxic relationships, the marriages headed over a cliff. I mean, honestly, would Britney Spears / Lindsay Lohan / et al be on TV every night if they were home crocheting in front of the fire while their husbands massaged their feet? No. So, when you see me railing against the absent husband or the lazy wife or the interfering mother-in-law, take everything I say with a grain of salt, a big one.

First of all, when someone writes to me with a problem, I’m only hearing one side of the story: “The SOB deserted me while I was pregnant!” Aw, you poor dear, he’s a real bastard! But what she didn’t tell me is that she is a pathologically jealous shrew who keyed her husband’s car and tried to have him deported because she didn’t realize the attractive woman he went out to lunch with was his aunt. See? Things are not always as they seem.

I try to avoid name-calling even when it sounds like the other person is a bastard, and simply try to give advice in a non-judgmental Islamic manner. I always try to keep it realistic and I like to know some details of the person who is writing: a person who reverted to Islam yesterday will be in a far different place than a lifelong observant Muslim. It is a balance, one I no doubt get wrong from time to time, and surely mine is not the only valid opinion in the world. That is why I love to read comments on what I’ve written, because you can educate me as I try to spill out what is in my brain and inshAllah be a source of comfort, with a big dash of tough love, for my brothers and sisters in humanity.

So, I’m kind of suffering from a lack of focus and a seized-up brain, meaning I may not write anything here for a couple of days. I’ll try to pick up where I left off and may toss in a few recipes, because, hey, it’s my blog and I can write what I want to! For right now, I think I’ll just chill and feed my kids the home made spaghetti that I cooked and maybe work on my cross stitch a little. If I call my husband and tell him there’s pasta and garlic bread, I might even be able to get him to come home after Jumuah prayer before he goes back to work. Hmm….

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