SEX!

Last updated on: May 6, 2020 at 11:34 pm by Gabriel Blanchard

SEX! 2020-05-06T23:34:42-04:00 Gabriel Blanchard

LOGO Patheos Explore the world's faith through different perspectives on religion and spirituality! Patheos has the views of the prevalent religions and spiritualities of the world.

Now that I have your attention, SEX! You know, that thing my blog is inextricably tied up with, because I’m a gay dude and Catholic? Well, I really haven’t felt the need to think about it lately.

This isn’t to say my sex drive has gone down, or that I’m any more chaste now than I was six months ago. But—I don’t know—I’m not worrying about it like I used to. Trying to think my way out of the problem wasn’t getting me anywhere. Which makes sense. Sex is a relational thing (or at worst a simulacrum of relating), and relating to people does take thought but it takes a lot of other things too. Getting stuck in your brain just isn’t productive; up to now, I’ve done it because thinking feels safe and clear to me, whereas feeling is risky and possibly hurtful. I think I’m finally starting to move past that reflexive reaching for the wrong tool.

Part of this comes from working on my next book, of which about the first half is memoir. It may seem (and be) pretentious to write memoirs in your early thirties, but here I am. Point is, both on my own and with help from my writers’ group, I’m revisiting a lot of formative memories. Realizing I was gay at thirteen. My first few terrible experiences coming out, or getting outed. My journey into the Catholic Church. Ex-gay counseling. Depression and cutting. The two different men I fell in love with, and how they each changed me. The times I was raped. I’m doing a lot of processing now that I couldn’t do when I was a teenager, or even in my twenties, because it was all too close or because too much other stuff was happening.

Now, make no mistake, time does not heal all wounds. You might as well say time cooks all food. But time can give you the, uh, time to digest your experiences without hurting yourself further, and to learn ways of coping and understanding that do allow you to heal. I’m not trying to tell any reader You’ll grow out of it, which is honestly insulting—I’m old enough to cringe at every word that came out of my mouth as a fourteen-year-old and I still think teens are unduly disrespected—but I can at least tell you that Right Now doesn’t last forever.

I haven’t reached a place where I know how to have a healthy approach to sex, given everything I’ve been through. But I no longer feel like I’m a bad person or a failure as a Catholic because I haven’t gotten there yet. And this is a good feeling.

Previous Post

April 30, 2020

Why Pro-Lifers Should Vote Blue: Postscript

Next Post

May 13, 2020 New Book Excerpt

Browse Our Archives

Select a Category abuse antifascism art bad Catholic celibacy chastity Church crucifixion culture war eros forgiveness gay gender homophobia ikons language liturgy peace poems politics Pope Francis prayer pro-life race recommendations reform repentance review sacraments saints satire scandal schism scripture sex suffering theology Uncategorized violence

Select a Month October 2026 September 2026 August 2026 July 2026 June 2026 May 2026 April 2026 March 2026 February 2026 January 2026 December 2025 November 2025 October 2025 September 2025 August 2025 July 2025 June 2025 May 2025 April 2025 March 2025 February 2025 January 2025 December 2024 November 2024 October 2024 September 2024 August 2024 July 2024 June 2024 May 2024 April 2024 March 2024 February 2024 January 2024 December 2023 November 2023 October 2023 September 2023 August 2023 July 2023 June 2023 May 2023 April 2023 March 2023 February 2023 January 2023 December 2022 November 2022 October 2022 September 2022 August 2022 July 2022 June 2022 May 2022 April 2022 March 2022 February 2022 January 2022 December 2021 November 2021 October 2021 September 2021 August 2021 July 2021 June 2021 May 2021 April 2021 March 2021 February 2021 January 2021 December 2020 November 2020 October 2020 September 2020 August 2020 July 2020 June 2020 May 2020 April 2020 March 2020 February 2020 January 2020 December 2019 November 2019 October 2019 September 2019 August 2019 July 2019

TAKE THE

Religious Wisdom Quiz

Who follows the rider of the Pale Horse in Revelation?

Select your answer to see how you score.

Hades The Angel Gabriel The Saints The Four Winds