Buddhist Catholic Contemplative Evangelical General Christian Hindu Jewish Latter-day Saint Muslim New Visions Progressive Christian

Beliefs

Topics

Columnists

Resource Library

Research Tools

Video

Podcasts

Thought Readers

Faith In Media Tracker

Newsletters

Ad-Free & Subscriber Log-In Subscription Support

Follow Patheos

Mostly Muslim

Home
About
Faith & Spirituality
Personal/Life
- Reflections
Society & Culture
- Dealing with Others
- Women
Archive

Home
Muslim
Marriage Is Not a Cure-All for Life’s Problems

Marriage Is Not a Cure-All for Life’s Problems

Last updated on: December 26, 2019 at 9:31 am by Iman

Marriage Is Not a Cure-All for Life’s Problems 2019-12-26T09:31:02-06:00 Iman

LOGO Patheos Explore the world's faith through different perspectives on religion and spirituality! Patheos has the views of the prevalent religions and spiritualities of the world.

Photo by Ben Rosett on Unsplash

You know the typical “rom-com” narrative? The one that goes, “Girl is unhappy and guy is a mess; girl meets guy, they fall in love, but they have some issues due to misunderstandings; things always work out and they end up living happily ever after.”

Yeah, that one. It’s repeated so many times that the message is pretty much drilled into our minds: “Love conquers all.” And for most Muslims, “love” means “marriage.” So we start to see marriage as something that will rescue us from all of our problems.

People who are unhappy with their family life are looking for an escape route. Young women think their weak self-esteem will be improved once they have a husband who’s in love with them. Young men who are broken think they’ll be fixed once they have someone to love and hold.

And of course, parents think their children will be freed from their issues and addictions once they have a perfect spouse taking care of them. (As in, someone who is religious and totally pure but is also willing to overlook even the most sinful past and serious character flaws, and “guide” the messed up spouse into magically becoming a better person.)

The issue with all of this is that we turn marriage into a union between two self-serving people, rather than a means to serve God and His creation. This is a recipe for disaster. Simply being married will not automatically fix deep-rooted family issues, a fragile self-esteem, or one’s distance from Allah and Islam.

We turn marriage into a union between two self-serving people, rather than a means to serve God and His creation. This is a recipe for disaster.

I often hear people telling newlyweds (especially brides) that they are starting a “new life” after the wedding. However, this simply isn’t the case. Each married person still has their own individual life, including their past baggage. Everyone is (or should be) on their own journey of self-improvement and spiritual enrichment. And we will all have to answer to God for our own actions, decisions, and intentions, independent from our partner.

If you’re single, please know that I’m not trying to scare you away from marriage or make it seem like it won’t improve your life at all. Marriage (with the right person) is a blessing from God. But we all need to make sure we go into it with honesty and virtuous intentions, rather than with selfishness and over-dependence.

This may not seem like a big deal, but one thing that I feel leads to over-dependence is posts on social media that romanticize marriage. They say things like, “Marry someone who will fall in love with your flaws,” and, “Marry someone who will promise to wake you up for fajr (early morning prayer).”

The reason this is an issue is that when both people go in with a mindset like this, they are each expecting the other person to accept their shortcomings, rather than trying to improve themselves. Marrying someone with flaws is unavoidable, but falling in love with serious flaws doesn’t happen. Because things like a short temper, addiction, or demeaning attitude will get old really fast. And it might seem cute to say “Wake me up for fajr,” but when both people expect this, neither will get up and each of them will be separately answerable for that missed prayer.

Marriage (with the right person) is a blessing from God. But we all need to make sure we go into it with honesty and virtuous intentions, rather than with selfishness and over-dependence.

In the end, it’s important for all of us, married or not, to try to have taqwa (consciousness of God). We need to be kind to our spouses, actively work on our flaws, and pray for our issues to be resolved, because only God can help us with that. This is not a burden that anyone else can carry — even the most loving husband or wife.

“Say, ‘Is it other than Allah that I should seek as a Lord, while He is the Lord of all things? And every soul earns not [blame] except against itself, and no bearer of burdens will bear the burden of another. Then to your Lord is your return, and He will inform you concerning that over which you used to differ.'” [Qur’an 6:164]

Follow Mostly Muslim on Facebook HERE.

Want your voice to be heard? JOIN OUR TEAM or send your guest submission to [email protected]! Visit the “Contribute to MM” page for more details.

Previous Post

January 5, 2018

5 Reasons Why You Should Start Journaling Today

Next Post

January 14, 2018 “Dear Zainab…” | Letters to the Ummah

Browse Our Archives

Select a Category Afterlife Culture Dealing with Others English Faith & Spirituality Inspiration Letters to the Ummah Personal / Life Poetry Ramadan Reality Check Reflections Relationships Religion Society & Culture Uncategorized Urdu Women

Select a Month September 2020 May 2020 April 2020 March 2020 January 2020 December 2019 October 2019 September 2019 August 2019 July 2019 June 2019 May 2019 April 2019 March 2019 February 2019 January 2019 December 2018 November 2018 October 2018 September 2018 August 2018 July 2018 June 2018 May 2018 April 2018 March 2018 February 2018 January 2018 December 2017 November 2017 October 2017 September 2017 August 2017 July 2017 June 2017 May 2017 April 2017 March 2017 February 2017 January 2017 December 2016 November 2016 October 2016 September 2016 August 2016 July 2016 June 2016 March 2016 November 2015 October 2015 June 2015 May 2015 February 2015 July 2014 June 2014 May 2014 April 2014 March 2014

TAKE THE

Religious Wisdom Quiz

What did God create on the first day?

Select your answer to see how you score.

Light Animals Plants Water