Is my husband temple worthy?

Last updated on: October 15, 2012 at 12:00 am by Natasha Helfer

Is my husband temple worthy? 2012-10-15T00:00:15-05:00 Natasha Helfer

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My libido is low. I’m on antidepressants and my hubby and I knew that this was a possible side effect when I started my treatment. Because my sex drive is so low, and his has not changed, he confessed he sometimes masturbates in the shower. Now he feels like he is not temple worthy. We love each other but this is becoming a sore spot in our marriage. How can we help each other?

I am somewhat hesitant to answer questions in regards to “temple worthiness” mainly because I do not see this as my role as a therapist – even an LDS therapist. Questions in regards to temple worthiness should be things pondered individually and if necessary, with one’s ecclesiastical leader. However, I am willing to give my opinion in such matters because I believe that at times members suffer from inappropriate guilt/shame and/or have been taught incorrectly. I am saddened when I hear of members who withhold privileges, such as a temple recommend, from themselves because they assume they are not worthy without even getting the opinion of their bishop on the matter. I am also saddened when I hear of members whose privileges have been revoked by bishops who have certain stances on matters that other bishops may not share (i.e. masturbation).

When it comes to “relational sexuality” within a marriage (something I have spoken of often on this blog), I strongly advocate for a couple’s right to do what is helpful and bond-producing for them. My stance is supported by official church statements that clearly give sexual jurisdiction to a consenting, married, non-abusive couple. Therefore, when it comes to masturbation within the bonds of marriage: I strongly believe that whether or not a couple want to include this practice as part of their sexual repertoire is completely up to them. I do not believe it should be done secretly or without the consent of one’s partner. I believe masturbation can be extremely useful in helping a couple when there are issues such as differences in libido, inability to reach orgasm, performance anxiety, geographical distance, medical reasons, etc., etc. Masturbation can be done in the partner’s presence or not. This is up to you and your husband to decide.

When it comes to the question a bishop asks in a temple recommend question – are you chaste? – there is no mention of specific sexual practices between a husband and wife. It is the responsibility of each individual to answer this question honestly on their own terms, with it also being in accordance with one’s spouse.

You can help each other by starting an open and honest discussion about sexual practices that you both want incorporated within the bonds of your marriage. If inappropriate anxiety and/or guilt arise, it may be helpful to see a marriage or sex therapist who can help educate and navigate. I would also encourage you to discuss the side effects you are having with your physician. There may be other medications or doses that could be tried to lessen the problem with libido. 9 Spicy Ways to Beat Depression’s Sexual Side Effects

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