Why do you feel oral sex is OK?

Last updated on: July 31, 2010 at 11:19 pm by Natasha Helfer

Why do you feel oral sex is OK? 2010-07-31T23:19:00-05:00 Natasha Helfer

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I’ve read here that you feel oral sex is OK and appropriate in marriage relations. As an active LDS member, I’ve often heard many conflicting opinions mostly against oral sex. Can you share why you feel that it is appropriate and give any advice on how I can start a dialogue with my spouse when we don’t have the same level of understanding due to the different and various opinions we have each been taught. To give you an idea how vast our differences are, I’m for it and he’s against and believes if I go down that road (no pun intended), he will have to talk to the Bishop.

The reasons why I feel oral sex is an appropriate sexual act between a married couple are outlined in the following post:

Are oral and/or anal sex wrong?

I agree that there are conflicting opinions regarding this matter. However, a trend I have noticed in public settings is that the more traditional/rigid opinions are more easily shared than ones that seem or feel controversial (those that go against what may have been considered the norm). However, as you see from a recent poll I held on this site, there are many members who do not consider oral sex a sin.

If indeed your husband needs a bishop’s “approval,” before he would feel comfortable proceeding with oral sex, then you are entitled as a couple to make an appointment and ask the bishop’s opinion. I would ask that the bishop read to you from the bishop’s handbook regarding marital intimacy. I believe you will find clear guidance that the sexual lifestyle between a husband and wife is very much up to the couple themselves. There are a few provisions such as no one feeling forced/coerced, that sexual acts not be harmful to the bodies themselves and something along the lines of not doing anything unnatural, unholy or impure. Now how the two of you choose to define terms such as “unnatural,” “unholy,” and/or “impure” is again, a topic of discussion you may have varying opinions about. Personally, things that begin to fall into this category for me include bestiality, sexual fantasy surrounding children or other such criminal acts, etc. But that is how I choose to define these terms.

The main point is to have the discussion to begin with. The more we discuss and are willing to dialogue over sensitive topics such as these within the marital relationship, the more understanding of the other we gain, and the more likely we are to reach compromises and agreements that both are comfortable with.

FYI:
I have recently been challenged on Mormon Matters regarding assertions I made regarding anal sex. I would welcome any comments from those who have tried anal sex within marriage in the spirit of consensus and have had either positive or negative experiences. Thank you.

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